


Almost Broken

by TooAceForThisShit



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Depression, Falling In Love, Fluffy Ending, Haikyuu - Freeform, Happy Ending, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Multi, No Smut, Panic Attacks, Slow Burn, Time Skips, Trans Character, Vomiting, kiddnapping, more to be added - Freeform, too ace for smut, wut r tags?!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-19
Updated: 2017-06-21
Packaged: 2018-09-18 13:01:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 44,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9386414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TooAceForThisShit/pseuds/TooAceForThisShit
Summary: I wake up on the cold hard floor in the dark again, just like every other day for the past four years, I just lay there, for a while not wanting to hurt myself from moving...I look over to the door just a bit away from me to see if there's food, sometimes there's not, today there's not so I'll most likely later in the week seeing as he won't be back for a while. it's been like this for over four years, I had came to Japan four years ago to meet someone that I only knew online which is stupid, I know. But it seemed so real, and now here I am in someone's basement the same guy I had been talking to four years ago, now he only comes down here when he needs to which is mostly just to beat me until I'm knocked out, the rest I don't know.Anyway, this is dark(ish) So watch out for triggers, my guys.I do not own these characters just the shitty story they're in.





	1. Very much broken.

I wake up on the cold hard floor in the dark again, just like every other day for the past four years, I just lay there, for a while not wanting to hurt myself from moving...I look over to the door just a bit away from me to see if there's food, sometimes there's not, today there's not so I'll most likely later in the week seeing as he won't be back for a while. it's been like this for over four years, I had came to Japan four years ago too, meet someone that I only knew online which is stupid, I know. But it seemed so real, and now here I am in someone's basement the same guy I had been talking to four years ago, now he only comes down here when he needs to which is mostly just to beat me until I'm knocked out, the rest I don't know.

When I first got here everything was fine, he met me at the airport, he told me we'll be together forever (I know that sounds shady but I was hurting I just wanted someone to need me) after a while he just fucked me (I'm asexual so that was an experience) and sometimes fed me but then a month later he threw me in the basement with nothing but the clothes on my back and my phone and phone charger (I know I have my priority's straight), I haven't used it in a while, I was hoping I'd be gone by now, nobody's bothered to call me, I don't even think people are looking for me and if they were, they probably gave up by now..

I've given up as well.

Look around the room everything is the same the floor is old hardwood that made it through world two probably, and the rug I'm laying on is not even a rug anymore, to be honest, and there's nothing else really there's my blood on the floor dry and some new, there's a few holes in the walls where he punched them when I fell too soon, not that that stopped him much, and a bucket in one corner.

I'm not sure how I Matsukawa Issei could get kidnapped I mean I'm not even a kid anymore (Not that has ever stopped anyone before.) and I'm fucking 6'2 that just shouldn't happen, but then again why does anything happen? but here I am, pretty much dying in some guys basement I met online, I would've been fine if I just stayed home and not fought with my family I was never really close with them, but it got worse after I met him.... I'm really not proud of myself, I just want it to be over.. I know he's not going to be back for a few days now... I should really call the cops but that didn't work out the first time so I'm not going to do that again... I just want him to finally end it... Like just kill me or maybe throw me off the top of this building I really don't care at this point, just...Just....Just end it...

I hear banging upstairs I bring my knees up to my chest to try and get smaller

There's more banging than a slam of a door..Thank god he's gone for now

I stay in a ball for a while longer till I know he's gone for sure.. After an hour of embodying a ball, I try and sit up switch is a bad Idea given the beating he gave me last night, but I'm used to the pain, not in a manly way just that it's happened so many times now that I'm used to it.

I look down at myself my jeans are pretty much ripped to shreds, and my white shirt is pretty much red now. I lean my head against the wall and take a deep breath (Try to anyway, I probably have broken ribs or something...)

Then I try and crawl over to a hole in the wall where I put my phone and charger, I have no internet or numbers on my phone but at least I can now what day it is and time...

I get over to the hole and pull out my phone, I then just lay on the floor

I turn on my phone, I blink at the screen until my eyes adjust

I look at the date and time

It's December/28/16

The time is 5.am

I blacked out around five yesterday

Well, I go onto the texting app everything is wiped off not from him, but from me, I did after I left my house now I can't get in contact with anyone.

I still try to remember my mom's number I try to type from memory

I put it in and send a text right away just reading

'Mom, is this you?'

I wait but I'm not going to give my hopes up, it never works she probably changed her number, when they moved...

I "try" to stand up and walk over to the bucket that is my bathroom at the moment

I regret standing up as soon as I'm balanced I feel like I'm going to throw up

I run(Ish) over to the bucket and throw up blood

I sink down the wall I'm now leaning up against

I fall the rest of the way down and then just sit there.... I get out my phone still no message back that's not surprising, normally I'd just delete it but I'm too tired too I close my eyes and try to sleep. The next time I wake up, it's late afternoon I look at the notification bar it says I have a message but it's probably just telling me that my message didn't send I open my phone I read the message and just stare at it All it says is "srry not your mom.....unless i had a child i didn't know about.....butt i'm a guy sooo im not your mom for sure....srry my child." what what what I read it again to make sure it's not a dream It's still there I message back "Sorry, wrong number, mom." I may be dying but I'm still a smart ass he messages back right away. " np, hah! it happens all the time my child...." I wait. You'd think I'd be done with people online and phones in general ... But it's been so long since I've talked to someone... I get an another message which makes my jump. I look down and read it "Buutttt im going to contue to message you bc im laying on the floor and my friends are being boring.......by the away youre now my child in contacts bc i dont know your name.... and i doubt youll give it to me seeing as im a complate stanger." I text back right away. "Yeah, I'm not." A message comes a few minutes later scaring me again "can you at least tell my your gender?" I stare at it for a few minutes again just thinking, I shouldn't be really talking to him... I should just not answer, I mean for crying out loud I'm in some guys basement I met online .....But what if he can help me..... I doubt it seeing as there's no way he could find me, and I can't trust him yet, and what if he's a creep, he is messaging some random person who was looking for they're mom, for all I know he could think I'm a little girl and he's secretly a pervert I still message back though. "I'm a dude." I reply He messages back right away again "HA i thought you died. i thought you were, and same" "I know."I reply again "oh yeah, i said that before, and one more question i have,,,,,,," His typing hurts me "What is it?" I ask "how old are you, bc i don't want to be some perv if youre like ten....." "Okay, I'm nineteen, but now I need to know how old you are soo" "HAH! im older than you! " What is he twelve? "im twenty,,,,," He's not even that much older than me, he's just being an asshole. "Okay." I reply "YEah" was all he replied with I make his name mom for some reason, I feel better talking to someone even if I could die in the near future, I mean it's not like he'd know or care. "ookkkkayyyy i lied a few more question" comes a few minutes later, I just assumed we were done talking but I guess not. "Go for it." I reply with, he probably thinks I'm boring, but this is what hell turns you into. I wait for a while Ten minutes later he messages " okay the ideal i would get your name but ill just go with nickname,,,,,,next is fav colour,,,,,,,and how tol are you?" Here I am trapped in a basement talking about favourite colours who would think I still message back though "I don't really have a nickname... Red and I'm 6'2 but I haven't checked in a while." Red like the blood on my shirt... Shit now I sound emo "dammmmnnnnnn you taller than all my friends but then again they short.....damn you also taller then meeee,,, not fairrr and if you haven't checked in a while you could be taller... .anyways now i have to ask my friend for a nickname for you bc hes the master at ittt,,,," "Okay." "ok, he said just to call you Tol-chan, hes not being helpful at all my other frien just said shithead then hit my over the head with a pillow....he didnt even hear me when i asked him,, he just said it's his natural response to both me and my other friend.. " I just stare at my phone..I like these people already I hear banging and yelling upstairs again I drop my phone on my lap, it's probably just one of the guys friends but still.. I terrified. I quickly respond with " I have to goo" send. I rush over to the hole and throw it in there not even waiting for a reply.. Then I rush over the rug but then I trip. and everything dark again...


	2. Too Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is shit, okay I tried writing this so many times like you have no fucking clue, It's not easy being this shit at writing, yes, I'm a meme. Anyway, it's bad. Oh and this is really short, but I'll probably update sooner. and in this when I'm talking about him being kidnapped or whatever I use "That" "There" and "Him" Just to make sure ya know what I'm talking about.

Two months later~

I was saved. Well, for the most part, the police found me, I was taken to the hospital, and I was in a coma for weeks, not because I fell on the stupid rug, but because I'd lost a lot of blood and I was hurt a lot.

After a month of being in the hospital (not in a coma) I left with my mother to live in her shitty apartment that's what she called it anyway, I mean it wasn't perfect or anything but it's is so much better then "there" This place is heaven compared to "there"

After a while of having a psychiatrist, I said I didn't need one anymore, it just felt like nothing was helping, and I really didn't want to talk about "Him" anymore, I can't even think of that place without having a panic attack..

So now I spend most of my days in my room or with my mom sometimes she makes me go out, but it's been awhile, I guess she got the message after me freaking out, and getting lost in the store, but that's story for another time, at first we'd had a lot of doctors visiting and psychiatrists trying to help, and they said I was getting somewhere, but it just felt like I was running in place.

I'm laying on my bed staring at my ceiling, everything's a little fuzzy, well, a lot fuzzy after I left the hospital we found out I'm a little blind seeing as I tried walking and ran into a wall and, I never thought anything of it when I was in that place because I was more worried about dying, and not being half blind...So now I have to wear fucking glasses.

Lay there for an hour or so just staring at the fuzzy ceiling, then my mother runs in my room

"Issei!" She yells, she looks like a fuzzy black cloud

"Where are your glasses?"

I shake my head. Letting her know that I have no clue either, seeing as I can't fucking see.

After I was saved, I've felt no need to talk, I can and I will sometimes but, most of the time, I don't care enough.

"Oooh, I think I know where they are. One second I'll be right back! and then I'll tell you something cool!" She yells and runs out of the room

My mom is very young she acts like a twelve-year-old though, when I ran away, she was married to some guy that didn't treat her right, he kinda just ignored me, but I did the same to him, sooo. Anyway, after I left he finally left her, after a year or so, she said that she was driving him crazy with her will to find me and that she'd never give up, even though the cops did, anyhow, he left her, and kicked her out of the house with no money, so she continued working at her shitty job, and crashed at friends houses, and finally had enough money to keep looking for me, then a friend said they found her somewhere to live and to forget about me, she didn't forget though but took the house. She's just a tad bit crazy.

"I found them!" She cheers as she walks into the room, she places them on my face.

I look at her she's already, ready for work her hairs still down though. She has curly black hair, that's past her butt, she used to always have it at her shoulders, everyone says we look a lot alike, but they also think we're siblings, that is until I can her mom, because that normal throws people off.

"Okay, so they were searching "that" place, and they found,"she says digging around her pockets," This!!" She says pulling out my phone. I just stare at it" I get it if you just want me to throw it away, but I thought you may want one, seeing as I can't afford a new one. "she says mumbling the last part.

"No, Thank you for asking them to look."I say and try and smile at her.

"You're welcome, Love. Now come on let's get you up so I can get to the restaurant!" she says placing the phone on the bedside table.

"Do you want to try and get up by yourself or no?" She asks in a calming voice.

I shake my no, I really don't like to bother and try.

"Okay, now stay seated until I can grab your crutches."

I nod

She grabs my wrists and helps into a sitting position, yes, I hurt my back, and have a few broken ribs (Yes, they did have enough time to heal, I'm just stupid, and when I tried too, stand up and walk I fell. and died)

She grabs the crutches and helps me to the living room

Once I'm seated at the couch, she gives me my phone.

"I charged it last night some everything should work"She winks" and I'm going to be late, "She says looking at the clock." Okay, so there's food in the kitchen, Mr. Sawmura will be over later, to check on you and he said he'd bring over his boyfriend who's a psychiatrist, he'd said he'd evaluate you for free, so be nice! Okay, my love, I'll be back by nine."She rushes out of the house. I continue to stare at the spot she was, I feel like she wasn't late for work she just didn't want to hear me say again that I don't need a psychiatrist.

I look down at the phone

It's broken in a few places but besides that it's fine. Same.

I turn it on.

There are a few messages, I go onto the texting app.

There's a few messages from the guy I talked to a few months ago, which is weird.

I go through them.

Mom(ish): Ok byeeeee~ that's from a few months ago when I said I had to go there's a like ten more.

Mom(ish): Guess who's laying on the floor again with lame ass boring friends.

Mom(ish) If you guessed me then youre right

Mom(ish) wow im being ingored rude.

Mom(ish) come back i need new friends....

And so on so fourth it go's on for three months, you'd think he would give up. He hasn't messaged since the first of this month, It's the twentieth. I wonder if I messaged him he'd message back, probably not, and even if I'm kinda boring and depressing, and what if he's just like the last guy? I wouldn't make it this time for sure.

I put down the phone and stare at the wall, what if this doctor is just like all the rest, I'm unhelpable, or what if he wants me to change everything about the way we live.

I wouldn't be okay with that, I mean..... I'm too broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what you get when my head feel like it's going to explode. Anyway let me know if there's any typo's and shit. Until next time.  
> Btw, I wrote this when I had a cold.
> 
> FancyEnemyPanda~


	3. Broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this is really short, but I thought I would just post it and there will probably be a longer chapter later, I don't when but hopefully soon!

Later in the afternoon, Sawamura and his boyfriend did show, I am currently having a staring contest with said boyfriend. 

"Okay, let's get on with this." He says breaking eye contact with me, it only lasted three minutes. With most people, I get uncomfortable making eye contact, but he said he wanted to test something, so that's how all this got started.  
I just nod, waiting for him to continue  
"So today his my day off, so instead of being your "doctor"" He says with air quotes" I'm going to be your friend, sound good?" He says smiling brightly.  
" And I'm going to come over every few days, and we're going to talk and get to know each they're, at the end of that I should be able to give or recommend something that could in the future help, but I'm going to need your help with that....I mean you do want to feel better right?" He asks waiting for my answer which never comes just like with all the other questions he asks  
"But for that to happen you're going to need to talk to me." He says looking over at me, I look him in the eyes for a second then shy away and look back down at my lap.  
"It's going to be hard, I know. It probably is horrible to be the space you were, but you're safe now. " He says smiling over at me again.  
Why is he so happy? you'd think with his job he'd be done with listening to people problems.  
"Okay, we're going to start with getting to know each their better, you go first."  
I nod.  
He gives me and reassuring smile, then looks away.  
" I'm--I'm Matsukawa Issei. I'm nineteen." I stammer  
" Okay, my turn. I"m Sugawara Kōshi, but most people call me Suga. I'm twenty-five, I started being a psychiatrist when I was very young. I skipped almost all of school because I was "Smarter" than everyone or so I was told." He said, looking at the painting on the wall  
" Do you think you could tell me more about yourself?" He asks looking back over at me.  
I think about it, I mean I probably could but I find it harder to talk now I can speak without having a stammer.  
I still nod, just to get this over with, I think for a minute there's not much about me that I could talk about. I think for a few more minutes, coming up with nothing  
"What--what is it--it you wanted to kno--know?" I say quietly  
"What do you enjoy doing?"He asks  
"I----I " I start  
He looks over at me again, it seems likes he's trying not pressure me into anything, but it's helping I just feel more pressure  
"It's okay you know." He says smiling lightly  
"Wh--what?" I ask and look at him, surprised what is okay?  
"Oh, don't worry about your stammer you have nothing to be ashamed of."  
I just stare at him in disbelieve. This is all my fault, I was the one who messaged a random person on the internet, I was the only who continued to talk to him, I was the one who got in a fight with my mom about everything, I was the one who thought it would be a great Idea to go to japan to live with him. This is all my fault. I brought this on myself.  
"Go on," he says again  
"I--I'm sorry? I---But this is all my fault...." I say  
He looks at me for a second, at first It feels like he's judging me, then his face softens  
"You may feel that way, but I don't think we see eye to eye which is fine."  
I look at him again  
"Ok---okay...."  
"Anyway, back to getting to know each their! what is something you love doing?"He says looking back at me and smiling  
"Ummmm--------I enjoy reading---I guess"  
"Me too, if you don't mind I know a great book you could try. I actually know two, one is fantasy, and the others fiction, but I find the type of books are the best, it really helps when your life isn't too great this is the best way to escape I find. And I've tried everything. " He replies  
"Wh---what one's?" I ask  
"Okay, the first one, is perks of being a wallflower it's great, and I think you'd enjoy it, the next one is a series it's called raven cycle, I look them up sometime."He smiles again, he's such a smiley person  
"th--Thank you." I say I try to smile and quietly look away  
"You're very welcome."  
He talks for awhile more I talk sometimes, most of it I'm just thinking of what he says, he's very nice a little while later, Sawamura comes back, he said he just had to grab a few things and cleaned a bit. He apparently helps my mother out, he said when I left and she moved away from her ex she was really depressed and hardly did anything for herself, so he helped her and they became friends and now he just still helps out. 

"You ready?" He asks once he put everything away.  
"Yes!"He says, he jumps up and runs over to him "I'll come back tomorrow, and we can talk some more okay? I think you should talk to more people, and talk to your mom she missed you a lot, okay? like a lot " He says as Sawamura puts his arm around him  
I just nod.  
They leave soon after and I make my way to my room, laying down on the bed I stare at the ceiling for awhile then I hear beeping it's coming from my phone I take it out of my hoodie pocket, I unlock it  
It has one message from, the guy I talked to a few months I think it's really weird how he hasn't given up yet. It's just a simple text, it just says Hi. I think for a minute should I message him, Suga said I should talk to more people, but I don't think he met online seeing as this is where it kind of all happened.  
I turn off my phone and try to sleep, today wasn't as bad as I thought at the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it! it probably would've been longer if my friend didn't come over in the middle of me writing this, but oh well


	4. Being broken at the park

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello people, It is I, Okay, so I've been meaning to write this all week but then the power went out, and after that I was kinda depressed for a few days, so I just couldn't bring myself to write, even though writing normally makes me feel better, anyway here it is....

It's been two weeks now since I fist met Suga, things have been alright, I guess nothing major has happened, though, I read the books he told me to read in four days, they were very good. And I've tried to hang out with my mom, but things aren't really working out, she still wakes me up every morning before she leaves, and on her days off we sometimes watch movies, but it's just kinda awkward between us, like I've missed so much of her life, and I've grown into something she doesn't know how to help, like when I wake up from screaming in the middle of the night she doesn't know what to do or when I have panic attacks she doesn't know how to comfort me, it's just hard...

She probably wanted the same person I was when I ran away, the kid who didn't bother her unless I needed something, or the kid who didn't talk to her unless talked to..I'm not the person I used to be, and she's not the person she used to be, it's like starting all over again..

At the moment I'm sitting on the couch waiting for Suga and his boyfriend to get here, they said today we're going to go to the park, I have to feel this is going to be a disaster. It's not that I haven't left the house or anything it's just going to be a big step and at the moment I can't tell if it's going to be good or bad

I'm leaning more towards it going bad, but that's just me personally.

I stare at the wall a little longer just listening to the buzzing of the fan, and the tv I've ignored, gently in the back round I can hear the birds chirping all happy, it's kinda depressing.

My thoughts are interested when I hear knocking on the door, I sigh and get up and walk over to the door, It's just Suga today, sometimes they come together and other times like today, it's just Suga that either means they had a fight or my mom doesn't need Sawamura-san.

I can't tell what one it is seeing as Suga acts the same way either way. I look him up and down, today he's wearing a mint green button up with gray jeans, and wearing is normal smile it doesn't look forced or fake, like when I try to smile.

"Hi! How are you this afternoon? " He asks not coming into the house.

"I'm fine, and you? " I ask stepping outside and closing the door behind me

"I'm great, thanks for asking," He says walking a few steps ahead of me

So I guess they didn't fight

I just nod, a few seconds later he falls into step beside me, and he just goes onto telling me about his day, and how nice out it is. I don't mind when he talks it isn't annoying or too much. Like my mother can be sometimes

I mostly just nod, and give a few glares to people when they stare at me too long, I mean they probably have seen me on the news even though my mom said not to release my name they still posted a picture of course. It's very annoying people come up to me and try to start a conversion or say have bad they feel when in reality I just want to be left alone, someone even tried to hug me one time, that turned into a panic attack. Good times

After a few more minutes of Suga talking and nodding, we finally made it to the park, it was only a ten-minute walk, what isn't bad.

We take a seat on the bench little ways off to the side. They're a few other people here, there are a few kids in the play place and two moms talking to each there and watching their kids, and then a few teenagers around my age playing volleyball or something. Suga seeing where I was looking says well looking at the group of teenagers, how he used to play volleyball as well when he was younger but had to quit because he hurt himself, I just nod again, I am listening to him I just really don't know how to keep up a conversion.

"So, how have you really been?" Suga says breaking the silence, and looking over at me

"Ummmmm.....I---I've be--Been okay, I'm still waking up screaming tho--though" I continue looking at the teenagers just so I don't have to look at Suga, when he looks at me it feels like he's seeing into my soul and that's something I can't deal with.

"That understandable, you did go through a lot, how is your mom dealing with it?"

"She just tries to ignore it because there's nothing she can do", I say quietly

"That makes sense, I mean nobody can touch you or confront you when that happens", He says looking around the park it truly is a nice day out, it's all blue skies and warmish sun.

"Ye---Yeah"

"At least she's giving you time to come back to the real world." he says calmly

I take a deep breath and lean my head against the back of the bench, I just stare up at the sky

"I'm glad--glad she's giving me time, it's just sometimes I need more from her, but I don't want to bother her..." I say to myself not thinking he'll answer.

"What more do you need?" He asks looking over at me again, I close my eyes

"I--I'm not sure, I would like to be able to touch people again without--- Fre-Freaking out.."

"Yes, that would be nice because I give the best hugs", He says with a laugh "But in all seriousness, I think you could do that one day, maybe with the help of anxiety pills will help as well. "

That would help, but I'm not sure how'd I feel about having to commit to something every day

I just nod again

"Let's take a walk around the park!" He says jumping up all of a suddenly, it makes me jump

"Ok---Okay", I say and stand up

He walks a bit in front of me mumbling about random things, I only catch some of it, something about cacti or cat eyes?

I'm just spacing out and following behind and keeping my eyes on the ground trying to be unnoticeable.

Then I feel something hit me in the face and falling.

That didn't work out


	5. Broken literally

I'm just laying on the ground staring at the sky well Suga looks down at me, there's yelling as well, and my nose is bleeding probably.

I sit and look up there's an another person looking at me I can't see him right though because of the sun in the way, I touch my face and my nose is bleeding of course.

"Nice block."Say the guy standing in front of me, he offers his hand, I ignore it and stand up still touching my face so I don't bleed everywhere.

Another guy runs over with chestnut hair and a worried look on his face.

"Are you okay?"He asks

"I'm fine" I mumble

I turn around to face Suga

"Let me see," he says, I remove my hand so he can look at it, he has to go on his tiptoes to get a good look at it

"It's not broken, but it's definitely going to bruise," he says going back to his normal height, then facing the other people.

"I'm so sorry, we'll be more careful next time," say another guy coming over and hitting the chestnut hair guy over the head, he whines in return.

"Oh don't worry about it, he'll be fine. Right, Matsukawa?"

"Ye--Yeah" I answer looking at the ground and waiting for Suga to be done talking to these people, really wish I could go home, the first guy keeps looking over at me, I look at him for a second then back at the ground, he has pinkish hair, a lip piercing and few ear piercings, he's just a little bit shorter than me.

"Have I met you before?"The guy with the pink hair asks

"High school, maybe" He goes on

"N--No,"I say

"Oh well, you look familiar."

"Hey, Iwaizumi have we met this guy before?" he asks the shorter of the bunch

"I don't think so,"This Iwaizumi guy replies, looking me up and down

I really need to leave now this is horrible, Suga's still talking to the chestnut-haired guy, well I just keep switching feet

"Well, we better get going," says Suga finally after being done talking to the other guy

"Bye, hopefully, your nose isn't to bruised too bad," say the chestnut haired guy, rubbing the back of his neck

Then the short one grabs him by the arm and starts walking back to the field, he still waves over his shoulder, then the pinkish haired guy starts walking away still talking to Iwasizumi guy.

I exhale as soon as they're out of ear-shot

"Are you okay?" Suga asks once we start walking back to our apartment

"I th--Think so, but my nose is still bleeding"

"Yeah, here, let me run into the bathroom and grab you some toilet paper," he says running over to the little bathroom thing

I just stand there leaning against it, I look back over to the guys playing volleyball it they're just all talking to each their, I look over at the playground, thinking of the times I went there to play with my "friends" and also playing volleyball in the park, I was like fourteen at the time when I actually played volleyball but then I moved away from all my friends around here, when my mom got re-re-married.

Suga comes back with a bunch of paper towel

"Here," He says handing it to me

I take it and press it against my nose, the look down at the ground trying to make it stop

"Thanks," I say

"No problem, alright let's get back your mom's going to be wondering where you are, same with Daichi for me, since," He says checking his phone

The rest of the walk is just talking about random stuff and silence. It was nice besides getting hit in the nose with a volleyball.


	6. More than one broken person

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To the people who commented you guys made my day! I was so happy and excited to write this, I'm really happy with this chapter and I hope you guys enjoy it as well, soon I will get on with the actual ship because duh, but this is stuff that needs to happen first but I promise it's coming! anyway, just to make sure people understand that yes, Mattsun is asexual, and I'm sorry if it sounded weird when I first out it in because ya know, but he is the type of asexual that doesn't enjoy sex or anything like that, I personally just thought I should clarify that stuff yo. anyway, *drops chapter and runs away*

Once we got back to my apartment I realized how lucky I am because I didn't wear my glasses to the park so they didn't get broken when I got hit in the face with a fucking volleyball, life is wonderful.  
I did lose a contact though when I fell, I didn't notice till I was having back home  
It was great, I ran into a wall and made my nose bleed more.  
Suga left shortly after I found my glasses ( Aka, he found my glasses) Now I'm just sitting on the floor in the living room waiting for my mom to get back, It's after five she should be back soonish . I stare at the wall for a while then the tv  
I take my phone out of my pocket while some drama is playing in the background, there's still nothing on my phone, I haven't put any apps on it or social media, I'm not sure If I even will bother, though, I don't really have any friends anymore, so I'm not worried about it  
I stare at my lock screen for a few minutes, I unlock it after staring at it for five minutes. I open the messages and go through the conversation with that one guy a few months ago, I look at them for a few minutes I type something out then delete it seeing as ' Hi, I haven't talked to for a few months because I was the hospital and now I need a friend because I'm lonely.' doesn't sound too good, but that's just my opinion.  
He did seem like a good person, but I just don't know I don't think I'll ever be able to message someone without thinking of those times, and that's just something I'm going to have to deal with.  
Right now It feels like it will hurt forever, and I don't think I'll be able to live with that.  
I hear keys in the lock, I lock my phone and slide it across the floor before she comes in  
"Hi, honey"  
"Hello," I say doing an awkward wave  
"Why are you sitting on the floor, and why is your phone under the tv stand?"  
"I d--Dunno"  
"Oh okay, how was your time with Suga-san?"  
"Good, we went to the park, a--and I got hit in the face wit--with a volleyball."  
"What?" she says dropping her coat on the floor and running over to me, she also sits on the ground and just stares at me for a few minutes, I just look at the wall awkwardly  
"Oh my god, why didn't Suga-san call me."  
"It's not a big deal" I mumble  
"Yes, it is"  
"No, it's not," I say back  
"It is"  
"No, it isn't I've been through worse," I say raising my voice a bit, it cracks of course.  
"It doesn't matter if you been through worse! you are my little boy, and I need you to be okay" she says getting quite as she goes on " Okay?" she asks almost a whisper she's trying to make eye contact I continue to look at the wall, though.  
"I just need it," she says standing up and walking towards her room to get out of her work clothes  
"Help me with dinner will ya?" she asks re-entering the room in her pj's  
"Yeah, su--Sure," I say I get up from the ground and follow her into our small kitchen, it's a small yellow room with just with a fridge in the corner across from the door, and an oven and a coffeemaker and a few cabinets, nothing fancy.  
"Okay, ummmm....."She says slowly spinning around the room like she's looking for something " I'm going to start the rice, you're going to cut the vegetables and then we'll make a stirfry or something? sound good?"  
I nod  
We get right to work her humming some song under her breath and me just listening to her being her.  
She used to be like this, but then when she got remarried we moved away and she became this weird shell of herself, she was still her but around her husband she always acted like the perfect housewife it was really unsettling, before she was the amazing person who stayed up till midnight on Tuesday's just for the fun of it, and a person who only ate tacos well she was watching her favourite movie (Even though it had nothing to do with tacos) and she used to be always singing some song from the 80s like she wrote them all.  
She's still like that sometimes, but she's a little bit broken as well and that will always be my fault.  
That hurts a lot  
"He--Hey mom"  
"Yes, sweety?" She asks well-stirring everything in a pan  
"Wo--Would you be ok if I tried anxiety pills to try a--and get rid of my haphephobia?" I ask cutting a carrot  
"Your what?" she asks looking over at me raising an eyebrow  
"M--my ha-haphephobia, it's the fear of touch"  
"Oh," she says looking back at the pan" I mean we'd have to talk about it, where did you get the idea that anxiety pills will help?"  
"We--Well, Suga said something about them helping because you know."  
"No, actually I don't know," She says looking over at me again, I continue cutting just to ignore the stares  
"Wh-what do you mean?" I ask  
"I mean when they finally found you, I was scared of what they'd find, I mean I knew you were alive but I wasn't sure if I get my little boy back," she says sniffling "I was. Am so scared, It was horrible not knowing where you were for four years, four long years. So I said that I didn't want to know unless it was a serious problem." She says pretty much sobbing at this point  
She pretty much falls to the floor, I quickly walk over to her and sit down behind her  
"It hurt so much," She says hiding her face from me  
I want to do something. scratch that I need to do something, I raise my arm thinking I'll just pat her back, I just listen to her crying for a few more minutes before I touch her, even then it's just lightly she looks back at me, her eyes all red and her nose running, I give her a sad smile, she smiles back  
She turns around, she just stares at me for a few minutes, she raises her arm slowly so I know she's going to touch me, she just touches my face, at first I filch but then I kind of just let her do this, I mean she needs this, I'm not sure If I do yet though  
After a few seconds, she removes her hand because she can see how uncomfortable I am.  
"Mom" She nods still sniffling a bit "I was raped," I say  
She just looks at me, not crying anymore just staring.  
"My god," She says under her breath she says looking at her hands in or lap  
She looks back up at me, "You're crying" she whispers  
My eyes go wide I quickly put my glasses on my forehead and wipe my tears away.  
"I'll look into the medicine," She says and smiles  
I nod  
"Mom, something's burning"  
"Oh shit" She half yells and jumps up and spins around  
"Thank you" I whisper still sitting on the floor  
" What? " She asks looking back at me  
"Nothing," I say and get up, I pour the carrots into the rest of the food and take a seat at the table well she finishes up  
"Hey," she says out of nowhere I look at her instead of playing with hands.  
"Ye--yeah?"  
"I love you," she says putting the food onto the plates  
my eyes widen  
"I--You too"  
She smiles at the down at the food  
She then picks of the plates and walks over still smiling a little bit sadly but she looks happy  
"One day, you will be better," she says as she sets down our food then sits across from me.

After that I asked about her day and the rest of dinner she talked about that then we watched some show I forget the name of, and she fell asleep on the couch, I put a blanket on her then sat down next to her to continue watching.  
We ended up both sleeping on the couch and her being late for work.  
But it was nice, it felt like old times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If it's easier for people I also have a wattpad it's under the same name and both of my fics are on there 
> 
> I also have a Tumblr so ye I post memes and yell about things http://fancyenemypanda.tumblr.com/


	7. Broken Nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not even sure what this is at this point. But I tried, someone should give me a you tried sticker

I woke up in a cold sweat feeling like I was going to throw up, I ran to the bathroom, and fell to my knees and threw up everything, and then dry heaving, it wasn't a pretty sight, but at least this time I wasn't throwing up blood, dry heaved for a little while longer then fell onto my butt and leaned up against the bathtub trying to get my breathing under control, which is not working my breathing just gets worse and I feel like I need to throw up again, it turns into a full on panic attack at that point.   
I bring my knees up to my chest and hug them, I try to get a deep breath, but it just makes everything worse, and I start crying because I can't breathe, 

What do I do 

What do I do 

What do I do (This is the part where I start singing)

Then everything goes black

 

"Issei?" 

"Issei, honey wake up" 

 

"You're okay, come on" 

I open my eyes a few times to see my fuzzy mother she looks worried and tired

 

"Let's get you to bed come on" 

I nod, she helps me up I almost fall over a few times on the way to my bed, everything looks like it's spinning and it's fuzzy.   
Then I'm on my bed looking at the ceiling

"Issei, why were you on the bathroom floor?" asks my mother

I look up at her, her hair is like a black fluffy cloud

"Panic attack," I say already fighting to keep my eyes open

"Umm...." 

"I'm going to call Suga-san and Sawamura-san before I go to work"   
I just nod and turn over on my side so I'm facing the wall 

 

I'm woken a while later, but someone opening my door and sitting on my bed, I keep my eyes closed 

"It's me Suga," Someone says in a calm voice 

I open my eyes slowly to see and fuzzy Suga 

"Your hair looks like a cloud," I say then I close my eyes again 

I hear giggling, 

"You should probably put on your glasses then" 

"Nah, it bothers the bruise," I say with my eyes still closed 

"Are you okay?"   
"Yes," 

"You're acting weird." 

"I'm tired," I say throwing a pillow in his general direction

"You're not stuttering" 

"Ye--Yes, I am," I say waking up a bit more

"Now that I said it you are." 

"Shhhh... The baby's sleeping" 

"Baby?" 

"Me." 

He starts laughing. 

"I really should have seen that coming" 

I nod turn again so I'm facing away from him 

"Don't fall back to sleep, It's twelve." 

"Shhhhhhh" 

"Don't shhs me, I made food" 

"You should have started with that," I say still not moving

"I know, you have been having troubles with eating normally but this isn't going to help"   
I sit up, and look for my glasses on my nightstand, their not there. 

"Where are my glasses?" I ask squinting at Suga blur 

"I'll go look for them, don't move," He says, I feel the bed dip as he gets up  
A few minutes later he comes back hopefully holding my glasses 

"I have found them," He says handing them to me 

"Where were they?" I ask putting them on 

"On the bathroom floor" 

"Oh" 

"At least they didn't break," He says smiling 

"Ye-yeah" I mumble 

"Now, let's go to the living room and eat and watch bad movies," Suga says turning around and pointing out the door like it's some kind of adventure. 

I get up slowly after he leaves yelling " Netflix is my only friend" I stretch then I start walking out of my room, to meet Suga in the living room   
When I walk into the living room he's looking through Netflix, the food on the coffee table, it's just soup   
I sit down beside him 

"Aye, you made it" 

"To th--the living room?" I say looking at the tv screen 

"Yes, the living room, it's a big step for mankind." 

I shake my head 

"What? it's true! I know lots of people who have trouble getting out of bed in the morning"

"I kn--know, it's just---" 

"What?" He asks not looking at me

"I don't th--think I have that problem" 

"It's not a problem, and you just said so your point?" he asks looking over at me. 

"ooo, let's watch this" 

He says putting something on I didn't get the chance to look at   
He hands me a bowl of chicken noodle soup   
I stare at it for a while, then I start eating, we watch the show in silence   
It's nice

A little while later the shows over and the foods gone.

Everything is quite 

Until Suga breaks it 

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asks turning on the couch so he's facing me

I don't need to ask to know what he's thinking about, It's a fact we've both been ignoring since I woke up. I'm not sure if I'm ready to talk about it but I'll try 

I nod

"Ok, take your time," he says giving me a small smile

I nod again, trying to gather my thoughts 

"I--I had a nightmare, I woke up fee--feeling like I was going to throw up, so--so I ran to the bathroom, threw up and had a pan--panic attack and the--then I passed out,"I say   
trying to look anywhere but him 

He makes a humming noise, he's thinking, no he's judging you, wait? when has he ever done that? 

"Do you remember what the nightmare was about?" he asks making me jump 

"Y--yeah"

"Would you feel okay, to talk about it?" 

I nod 

"Ummm" I start, he just looks around not ignoring me just giving me time to think that's what is so great about Suga. " I--It just the same everything," I say 

Suga just nods looking back at me, he nods again giving me a silent continue 

"I'm ba--back there, and it's just him coming into my room and pushing me up against the wall, a--and then he's telling me to keep it down an---and" I pause because I start breaking" Then he just starts to--touching me" I say breaking down completely 

"shhhhh" Suga whispers coming a little bit closer to me but not touching me

"You're okay now, you're safe, you're loved" He whispers" That's all that matters"

I take my glasses off dropping them on my lap 

He holds out his hand, palm up

I look at through my tears 

"I'm not going to hurt you," he says calmly 

I take his hand, he squeezing my hand lightly 

"You're very strong for telling me that," He says smiling sadly at our hands 

"Thank you" I whisper 

He just continues smiling he looks up at me for a second then back at our hands 

"One day it won't hurt as much, I can promise you that, and one day you won't be as broken as you think you are now," He says looking back up at me, I just notice now he's crying 

 

"I need to stop crying, " I say wiping my tears away with my free hand then putting my glasses back on 

"Nope, more crying! Crying means healing even though it may take awhile" He says grinning

"hmmm" I hum rolling my eyes 

"It's true, don't sass me, young man," He says still grinning 

"Sure, sure," I say giving him a small smile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I can't tell if this was good or bad at this point. I am going to add romance soon? but let me know if you want it from another point of few, and I was thinking of maybe making a short story with Suga's backstory and stuff like that but I'm not sure, let me know!


	8. Broken or something?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm running out of broken things to put at the title. 
> 
> First of all, I'd just like to say a quick "thank you oh my god" to a user who goes by the name of Bia I didn't think me just replying to your comment was enough, because I was seriously thinking of just not continuing this not because of lack of people or something like that I just really couldn't think of where to go next I was in a hole it felt like, anyway, thank you so much Bia. Like AHHHH!!! 
> 
> I still haven't thought of a way to add Maki in yet, to be honest, my writing is just off the top of my head I have nothing planned yet... I should have set a game plan but this is my first time posting and writing fanfiction so fight me.

It's been over two weeks since I talked to my mother about anti-anxiety medication, after a lot of talking and a few doctor visits and a few panic attacks the medication was ordered the doctor said to will either take a month or six weeks, I'm looking forward to it, my mother's still if-y about it, and Suga said he's happy for me and he thinks this is the next step to me "going" back to who I was before, he also said it's not going to fix everything but it will help with not feeling the way I feel all the time. 

I'm not sure if I want to go back to the person I was before though, I don't want to stay the way I am but I just want to be better-ish. 

I lay in bed looking at the blurry ceiling it's five am I just woke up from another nightmare, I'm too scared to move so I'm not planning on it, I don't really want to be left alone with my thoughts but, it's just so hard to move, I didn't think I was depressed but I've been wrong before. So very wrong. 

Suga said it's normal for me to have depression and anxiety because of what I've gone through but I'm not sure so of it, I've always just felt  
But then again I don't really remember much from before I always tried to block it out, I didn't want to think of everything that led me here, it was horrible just thinking of my mom waking up and seeing me gone, I never wanted her to find me again I just wanted it to end so badly he could've just killed me so easily he had everything, he had so much power over me that he didn't even know about, when my mom got remarried he was my everything, and when I couldn't take it anymore I went to him like some idiot, I didn't think twice about him being a madman, I just wanted out and he was my ticket out so I took it and ran with my mother, he husband, her love for me. I wanted nothing she had. 

I should've stopped talking to him when I texted the wrong number, why didn't I? he was some stranger, I told him everything there was to me, and he just played with it like some child. 

I was nothing to him, and he was everything to me. 

Everything was and still is my fault. 

I stare at the ceiling awhile longer before my mom comes in a tells me she's leaving, and that it was eight.  
I didn't think it had been that long but I got lost I guess 

She told me she loved me then left. 

I turn onto my side with my back against the wall, I should get up, but can I?  
I would be what would I even do, today Suga isn't coming over my mom is working so really I don't need to do anything until she's back, but she'll probably be mad if I don't get up, but I just don't know if I am willing too. 

I lay there for till ten and then get up have an hour long shower then eat some cereal, and stare at the blank tv, for awhile. 

My favourite things to do I stare at things if you haven't noticed.  
I just have nothing else to do.  
I mean Suga and my mother said I could go out without them, but that's a thing for another time, another time another day, when they're here, I get that it's beside the point but I don't think I could do anything without them. 

I need them, but I also don't want them, this is so confusing to me, some days I hate my mother and Suga so much for looking down on me but other days I feel like without them I'd be nothing and with them, I feel like a little bit less like nothing. 

When I was a child everything seemed it would work out, just me and my mother, even if she still thought of my dad, she never thought to leave me for him, she really should have left when he came back for her. 

I turn on the tv, the news is on, the newscaster talks on 

" and in other news, if you didn't already know, a teenager was saved from being kidnapped a few months ago, his doctor says he's going to make a fall recovery besides the mental part of everything, it looks like the mother has decided to stop taking him to a therapist what do you think Mr. Hiro?"  
Mr. Hiro has no fucking say in this, I'm not even sure why this is still being broadcasted. 

I still watch it of course. 

"I think she's making a mistake, I have no say in the way she raises her child but the things he went through are going to leave a mark on him, mentally even physical." 

Shut up Mr.Hiro 

I turn off the tv again 

This is how the rest of my life is going to be I'm just going to be the kid who was saved from some psych, I'm the one who walked into the problem, but there never going to show that it's just going to be about how I'm now safe, I don't feel safe 

I turn the tv back on to see if there's anything else on, but before I can change the channel he's there, Kai. It's his mugshot but still, I can't hear anything. I just see him  
I stand up but I end up just falling over and going into the fetal position, I take my phone out of my back pocket and send a quick text to Suga to tell him I need his help or something like that I can't tell

 

Suga point of few. 

I'm in the kitchen washing the dishes when I hear my phone beeping  
I look over at my boyfriend who's just leaning up against the counter looking at his phone

"Hey, can you grab my phone," I say gesturing to me washing the dishes 

He looks up 

"Yeah, where is it?" 

"Back pocket," I say 

"Okay," he comes up behind me and takes it out, I hear him unlocking my phone, he comes around and leans ageist this part of the counter 

"Ummm...It's Matsukawa-san"

"Really? what did he say" 

"It just says help," he says looking up at me with big eyes

All I can do is dry my hands and mumble shit under my breath 

"What are you going to do?" Daichi asks handing me my phone back, this has happened before, when I was close to another one of my points, but I couldn't get to them in time

"I'm going, there's nothing else I can do," I say putting on my coat and pretty much running out the door with just a see you later over my shoulder

I hear a bye

I run to they're apartment we're in the same building but he is one of the weird outside apartments 

Once I get there, I rush in to see him on the floor hyperventilating on the floor with the tv on 

I look at the tv, it's on the news. they're talking about Kai's case it seems 

I turn off the tv and neal next to him not touching him, just talking not even calming words just telling him about my day quietly and I would hold his hand but that's probably not  
the best thing to do in the station 

After in hour or more of just me talking to him and telling him how to breathe, he just lays there, it's quite I stopped talking awhile ago, just to give him time

"Thank you for messaging me," I say quietly 

He just nods not even bothering to move 

He holds out his hand saying a quite it's okay to touch me now. I take his hand in mine and bring it up to my heart to show him he's not alone

"I was washing dishes." 

I hear him mumble a little sorry 

"No, thank you again, I fucking hate washing the dishes," I say smiling when I get a giggle back 

"Why were you watching the news? " I ask 

" I was--Wasn't I--I was going to cha-change the channel," he replies 

"Okay. When was the last time you ate anything" I ask 

"This morning" 

"Well, let's get you up and we'll have," I say looking at the clock at the tv," dinner I guess or a really late lunch?" I say but it comes out more as a question 

He nods 

I help him onto the couch. I hear a knock at the door once he's laying down 

"Stay," I say 

and walk over to the door, I hear him mumble I'm not a dog under his breath, I just glare at him over my shoulder. 

I open the door, to see Daichi 

"Hi, is everything all right? it's been over an hour" He asks before I can ask why he's over here 

" Yes, everything is good, I'm going to make dinner though so why don't you watch tv with him," I say pointing over at Matsukawa who's taking up the whole couch 

"Sure," he says coming in and hugging me and whispering a quiet I'm glad everything is okay. 

 

I take off my coat and so does Daichi 

Matsukawa moves into sitting position, but Daichi just waves it off and sits on the floor with his back to the couch, I make my way to the kitchen and get to work

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hate the grammar thing I have because I'm Canadian so I put U's in some words, and it keeps telling me I spelled stuff wrong, and I'm just like "No, you're spelling things wroung eh" and it's just like, 'MERICA! Sorry? have I personally offended you Grammarly? 
> 
> Anywho, I wrote this with hardly any sleep so hopefully, it's not too bad, and I'm excited for the future of this thing yo. There's probably going to be a lot of chapters because Maki's not even in this yet, like, what the fuck me?!?! at first, I wasn't sure if I was going to add him in but I'm going to make it work! if it's the last thing I do. One day I will write a longer chapter too, I really want to 
> 
> Now I'm going to sleep, ta-ta


	9. A meeting for broken people

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry, this took me forever to write, I think I started it on the eighth or something like that, and I worked on it for a little over a week, and the ending of this chapter is kinda fucked up because I couldn't think, but there will be more! (Hopefully)

Suga came over early in the morning saying he had a plan, it was eight am I was still sleeping and playing to for a few more hours but he had other plans, we haven't talked about the other day at all which I'm kinda glad about that, but I still wish he'd say something, I know I'm not going to bring it up without him saying something first, I don't like starting conversions or being in them much, I never have though unless it's with someone I really like. I like Suga but it's too much it to start one at the moment  
I'm sitting on the couch eating cereal, with Suga sitting in front of me sitting on the coffee table waiting for me to finish it's kinda creepy the way he's looking at me 

"Y--You need something?" I ask 

He just stares at me for a few more minutes before looking at his hands 

"Nope, just waiting for you to be finished so we can talk about my thing I had in mind," He says smiling back up at me  
I give him a blank stare and continue eating 

"You can tell me while I'm eating" I mumble looking back at the tv that's playing some drama, yay people making out 

I turn off the tv and look back at Suga

"Okay," he says taking my bowl from me and putting it beside him 

I wait for a few minutes for him to start but he just keeps, he doesn't just continue to look at me, I look at my lap 

"A--are you going to say what you came here for-- a--at eigh--eight am" I mumble

"Right!" he says loudly making me jump 

"I came here to tell you that!" 

"What?" 

"Okay, there's a group therapy tonight with kids just like you!" he says smiling big again 

I 

"S--so like a thing for troubled teenagers pretty much?" 

"Yes!" 

"I'm----I'm not ready" I lie, I just can't go it wouldn't be right

"Yes, you are. I and your mom talked about it already and she says it would be good for you to meet some kids and share even, that's totally up to you, though, and I or she could go  
with you" 

I really wish they'd talk to me first instead of treating me like a child

"Do---do you really think I'm ready?" 

"Yes, I think you are and why not your anxiety medication is going to be here soon so now is the best time" 

I don't feel ready 

"It will be good, and you don't have to share you can just listen, and hopefully someday you'll feel comfortable soon to share with them, I used to go there when I was a teenager it  
was good, and sometimes it was great" he says getting up and sitting next to me "I think you'll learn to enjoy yourself and I can only go with you for a few times if you want to try and  
be alone with them" 

I don't say anything because at this point I don't know what to say and I just feel overcome with anxiety

" It will get better,"So continuing 

"Will I really?" I say more asking myself then him

He still answers "Of course," He says smiling at me more, why is he so happy all the time? I wish I could be like that it doesn't look fake 

"Will you go?" he asks standing up and walking towards the kitchen to put the bowl away, I could've done that 

He comes back a few seconds later 

"Huh?" he asks sitting back on the couch 

I just stare at the blank tv 

" I can try, but only if you come" 

"Yes! I told your, mother, you'd want me and I was right" 

"Congrats?" 

"I'd say so" 

My mother and Suga have a weird relationship 

"What time does it even start?" I ask 

"Not till six" 

I stare at him 

"What?" he yelps 

"Why the he--hell did you wake me up at eight am?" 

"I was excited okay? and I and your mom talked about it last week" 

I stare at him again 

"Would you stop that it's really creepy you're not even making eye contact with me your just starting near me and it's unsettling" 

"Sorry" I mumble looking back at the wall 

 

The rest of the day is spent watching bad tv and eating cookies that Suga bring he said that his boyfriend made them, and bickering about said bad tv shows  
Once my mother got home she paid Suga because they made a fucking bet about it, and we ate. 

We are now walking to this "teen therapy" or T.T (TM) as he said, he's walking ahead of me singing some song that I think is an opening to some show we watched 

"I think you'll have a good time," says Suga looking over at me "I know the couple who runs it they're still in college so they're young, but they're very funny" 

I nod 

"He is a genius like me but all I see is a noob" he says pressing the button for the crosswalk "and his partner is always grumpy looking but he's a good person once you get to know him, maybe tonight he'll let me hug him" he says clenching his fist and looking up at the sky  
We walk across the crosswalk Suga just talking about these people 

They seem weird 

Once we get there nobody else is there yet, I look at my watch it's only five fifty 

Suga opens the door and goes in 

"We're here!!" He yells into the room, it's fairly big room there's in the middle of the room are some chairs in a circle, and there is a front desk and a few rooms off to the side, there's a bunch of posters with stuff about anti-demotic violence and some about rape, it's very different 

"We're coming" comes a reply from one of the rooms it seems, a few minutes later a two man come off of a room at the back of the room, there bickering about something back and fourth. One's got short bleached blonde hair and is a little shorter than the other, and the other is slim and has light brown hair, they seem to be having serious conversions seeing as they still haven't look at us 

The one with the light brown hair sees us first and lights up and runs over pretty much jumping onto Suga, the other just walks over slowly then goes on his phone

"Hi, Shigeru" I hear Suga say to the other as a greeting once they're done hugging, Suga looks over to the other man "Hello, Kyotani," says Suga over to him he looks up from his phone and gives a little wave 

"Can I get a hug or are you going to pretend we don't know each their?"

"I prefer the latter," He replies 

"Rude" Suga says crossing his arms, the one with the light brown hair nudges the other

"Fine," Kyotani grumbles, and puts his phone in his back pocket then holds out his arms as an opening to giving him a hug 

Suga grins and gives him a hug 

"Hi, I'm Yahaba Shigeru, nice to meet you," say the first guy coming over to me and holding out his hand  
I look at his hand then back at him, I do that a few times, he just smiles  
"  
Matsukawa Issei," I mumble I don't shake his hand he puts it back down to his side, he doesn't look upset that I didn't shake is hand 

"Well, Matsukawa-san I'm glad you came Suga has told me a lot about you" 

"I-i'm sure" I mumble feel awkward 

I look back over at Suga he's talking to Kyotani who looks like he just killed a man, but then he smiles kinda 

I look back over at Yahaba he's moved over to the desk he's looking on a laptop for something

"You find it?" Kyotani says looking over at Yahaba 

"No," 

"I told you," he says pulling out his phone again 

"What are you looking for?" Suga asks walking over to Yahaba to try and help 

"We're looking for one of Kyotani's files" 

"What one?" Suga asks 

"It's for his depression pills, the doctor said he can't get anymore unless we find this fucking file," says Yuhaba  
When he swears it really throws me off, he seems so pure to swear 

 

"I can just take the test again" Kyotani mumbles under his breath, still not looking over from his phone

"No, you can't you hate that test," says Yahaba walking over to Kyotani and putting his arms around his shoulders  
They're kinda cute 

whispers something to Kyotani then kisses his cheek and goes back over to Suga

They look for a few more minutes then give up, well Yahaba yells that he gives up with a few choice words 

"Okay, come sit everyone will be here soon," says Yahaba 

"Maybe, if you put up the open sign they'd already be here," Kyotani says walking over to a chair and sitting down 

"That's a good point I'll do that" Yahaba says

Me and Suga sit down next to each their 

"Are you okay?" he asks leaning towards me so they can't hear us, not that they would because Kyotani's looking at his phone and is on the other side of the circle and Yahaba's  
greeting people 

"I--I guess" 

"Good. Kyotani did you meet Matsukawa" Suga says looking over at him 

"No," he says looking up at me

"Hi," He says then looks back at his phone 

"Sorry, about Ken this is how he deals with people," says Yahaba as he comes over and sits next to his boyfriend, "It's not the best way but it's a way, " he says looking over at his boyfriend like  
he's a god, why are they so perfect? 

"Yeah, this is how he would talk with me for the first few years we knew each their, and tonight's the first night he let me hug him," says Suga  
I just nod I understand him 

I look back at Kyotani he has scars all up his arms and one over his left eye. He looks like he in a gang and Yahaba looks like some rich kid, you'd never think they'd be dating 

"I'm right here," Kyotani says glaring at Yahaba and Suga 

"We know, but you weren't going to say anything" 

 

"Good point," He says putting his phone away and playing with his hands 

A few over teenagers come over and sit down a few seats over from Suga, two girls and two boys, they just chat to each their 

"Okay, we're just going to wait for a few more minutes because it's only," Yahaba says tailing off at the end to look at his boyfriend

"Six twelve," Kyotani says not even looking at his watch

"Right," Yahaba says 

More teenagers come in I don't bother looking up 

"Hey, it's the guy who we hit with a volleyball!" Says some guy loudly 

I jump and look up at them it is the guys from the park the short one hits the pink haired one over the head, the pink haired one sits next to me and the others sit beside him, I look  
back down at my lap, this is going to be a disaster 

"Okay, now that most people are here, let's get started with introducing ourselves, I'll go first then Kyotani and so on, just say your name your age and how long you've been coming  
here, no pressure, though, " Yahaba says smiling and looking around at everyone

"Okay. I'm Yahaba Shigeru, I've been coming here since my dad ran this so a little over ten years or so, and I'm twenty-three," He says nudging Kyotani who's looking anywhere but people's face 

 

"Oh" He grunts 

"Hi," He says giving a little wave, Yahaba nudges him again to continue " I'm Kyotani Kentaro, I've been coming here for seven years, and I'm twenty-three." He says playing with his hands, everyone says hi

Next is a girl with big purple hair 

"Hi, I'm Cya, I've been coming here since September and I'm eighteen," Once again everyone gives a quick hello

"Hello, I'm Seth, I came here with Cya so yeah, I'm seventeen," Says I guy who's covering his face with a hoodie 

I zone out until it's Suga's turn 

"Hello, children. I'm Sugawara Koshi but everyone calls me Suga, I used to come here a few years ago for five years, I'm twenty-five" 

He looks over at me 

I just stare at him 

"Go on," He says so only I can hear him 

"ummmm.....I---I'm.... Matsukawa Issei, I----I've ne--never been here before, I'm eighteen" I mumble 

Suga repeats it so everyone else there, he smiles softly at me, I look at my feet too embarrassed to look up 

Everyone still says hello 

"Next," Yahaba says 

"Oh shit, sailor," the kid beside me says 

"Language," Yahaba says, Kyotani just looks over at Yababa confused because he was just swearing like sailor ten minutes ago  
Suga giggles beside me

"Sorry. I'm Hanamaki Takahiro, I've been coming here for two years, I'm nineteen" He says bored 

"Hi," everyone says 

"Hello, I'm Iwaizumi Hajime, been coming here for over a year, I'm nineteen, they still haven't kicked me out." says with a deep voice

"Aye, I'm Oikawa Toru, and I started coming here with Iwa-chan, and I'm nineteen!" says a cheery voice

"Okay, now that everyone is introduced is we're going to start talking about are weeks, just to let everyone know anything said here does not leave this space, okay?" Yahaba says 

"Okay" Everyone says 

"Great, Oikawa-san why don't you start just to mix it up a bit?" 

"Sure!" 

"Go ahead" 

"Sweet! okay it was really exiting, I did nothing but go to collage, and play volleyball in the park,"Oikawa says leaning out from his seat to look over at me "By the way are you okay, from when we hit you in the face?" He asks looking consered 

I left up my glasses to show there's not a bruise there anymore 

He just goes oh under his breath 

"Did something happen?" asks Yahaba 

"Yeah, he blocked a volleyball with his face," says the pink haired one beside me Hanamaki? 

"Oh," is all Yahaba says 

"Go on Iwa-chan" Says Oikawa says looking over at the buff little guy, he has such a cute nickname for such an angry looking guy 

 

"Right. I got in a fight with some guy, and past one of my tests" 

"How'd you get in a fight this time?" Yahaba asks looking over at him 

Hanamaki starts giggling 

"Shut up, Maki" Iwaizumi grubles

"Just tell them," Oikawa says giggling a bit as well 

"Fine, I punched"He mumbles the rest 

"Say it or I'll say it," Hanamaki says 

"Nah, I will!"Oikawa qukies 

"Okay, so we were walking are way back to our apartment, the three of us, and this guy just comes out of now where yelling about something that he thought Iwa-chan did, and we're  
just standing there, really confused, well Iwazumi is just as confused and then the guy just starts a fight," 

"He was very drunk and probably high," Iwazumi says 

"He was fine" Hanamaki butts in 

"He just thought you were is ex-wife for some reason," Oikawa says grinning at Iwazumi 

I'm just confused 

After that everyone just talks about their week, and problems. I didn't share but it was cool I guess. I don't know If I'd want to go back, because right now sharing seems to much,  
they could just kick me out after I've been there a few times without sharing. That's probably not how it works  
After the meeting everyone just hangs around for a few exta mintues and talks or whatever.  
I'm standing by the door, waiting for Suga to be done saying is goodbyes, when the Hanamaki comes up to me, 

"Hey, I remember you now" 

I look at him (Not in the eyes of course but eyebrows they so tiny) 

"Yeah," I say of course he figured it out 

"The news right?" he asks 

I nod 

"Nice." He say putting his hands in his pockets "Not nice like what happened to you but like nice, that I remeber because it was really bothering me." 

I could see why it could bother someone, but right now I don't feel like starting a conversation with anyone 

"We've all been through hell, it just takes some time to get over it." He says giving a small smile, then walking back over to his friends with a wave over the shoulder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyway, hoped you enjoyed and the next chapter will probably be out soon! I hope this kinda made sense and I'll probably have some more cute romantic things soon, I just really don't want to rush it
> 
>  
> 
> Until next time -FancyEnemyPanda


	10. Still pretty broken kiddos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear god, it's been awhile once again, I've been trying to get my depression and anxiety under control so I could write more, and just be me but it's at an all-time high. Writing helps a lot, but it doesn't help if I have no motivation to do anything, so sorry if this chapter is kinda all over the place, I started this last night late, so it's not the best but hopefully it will be better in the future. This is also super short, but I'm going to read everything and get my thoughts under control to see where I can take this thing

After the group thing, we left and went back to the apartment, the whole way back all I could think of was what Hanamaki had said to me, shouldn't be a big deal but I guess I just haven't been around a lot of different people so this was bothering me, once we got back Suga left right away saying he had to get back home or his boyfriend would worry, and winked and ran out the door, I just sat on the couch watching shitty rom-com's waiting for my mom to be back, she was going to be home late I think, it was 9:30 now, I laid down on the couch and studied the ceiling not knowing what I should do now, there wasn't a lot of things for me to do I had my phone and the tv sure but they are boring I didn't have anything on my phone, and I found everything on the tv lame, when I was younger I always was in my room reading that's one of the things I remember, once I was captured I just laid on the floor and thought about dying and how sweet that would be. I'm sure it would suck though seeing as there wasn't much I could kill myself with, unless I wanted to wait for him to kill me, which would not be nice, I'd just suffer but at least I would've been dead so whatever, sometimes I thought about getting out and seeing my mother again, but I thought she would regret finding me, because of how we left things sometimes I still thought she was done with me 

 

I fell asleep on the couch waking up to my mother coming home, I jumped up into a sitting position, she just stared at me a moment before giving me a sad smile and whispering 

"Sorry, for waking you." 

I shook my head 

"Come on let's get to bed." She came over to me after taking her coat and shoes off and turning off the tv 

"Come on, love," gesturing me to follow her to our bedrooms  
I followed her after a few second of just staring after her  
She went into the bathroom and I went into my room I took off my glasses and laid down again, pulling the covers up over me, my mother came out of the bathroom a few minutes later she came to my door and just leaned on it staring into my room 

"Lights on or off," she asked after a few minutes of staring and smiling sleepily 

"On" I mumbled 

"Okay, sleep well. My doors open so I'll hear if you wake up from a nightmare, love you" 

I nodded 

and she went off to her bedroom 

I know she's worried about me, she doesn't see who I was before, I was always quite but I'm not the son she had before, and I felt horrible for letting her think I was alive, I should've told her not to try and find me. 

Everything just seemed like a dream, I wanted to wake up but also not.  
There was hell, but this was a new kind, less harsh and less painful, but mentally I was fucked. 

I fell asleep a few hours later and woke to my mother once again telling me she was leaving, I didn't bother moving  
I should get up but it was one of those days (tm) actually when wasn't it one of those days for me. I seemed to be always stuck in this pity for myself, I knew I could maybe fix it I just 

wasn't sure if I wanted to. 

But even then it wouldn't prevent me from having these days, they'd still be a thing, Suga said even he had bad days still and it's been many years since his trauma he said, he said that each helped a lot but there's only so much a relationship can help, he even said that they had a falling out before because of mental issues on both of they're sides.  
They fixed but he said they broke up for two years before meeting again. 

My ceiling had started to become my favourite thing in the apartment, I tend to stare at it quite a bit, I enjoyed how it didn't seem to pity me, unlike my mom, Suga, and myself. 

I should name you. Keland? Bob? Yu? Ceiling? 

I'm just going to leave it with ceiling it suits it. 

It was kinda fuzzy at the moment but I still didn't bother putting my glasses on.  
There was a knock at our door, I ignored it thinking it was probably just Suga and he had an extra key

But the knocking came again 

I slowly got up, starting to kinda freak out, he was coming for me, he had to of gotten out already, he probably could've found me easy. I bring my knees up to my chest, trying to get smelling till it stopped and it seemed to only get louder, closer, and I couldn't breathe, it was getting harder to see, I put my hands on my ears to try and get the noise to stop, but I already wasn't breathing very well, and then everything was black.  
I woke up gasping for breath and seeing a very fuzzy looking Suga 

I was on laid out on the ground with him hovering over me 

"Are you okay?" he asked in a calm voice, taking a seat on my bed getting relieved sigh 

"I--I---I thinkso," said still rushing my words and trying to get my breathing back to normal 

"It was my fault that happened."He said giving me a small embraced smile and putting his hand on the back of his neck 

"I forgot my key, I figured it out though your mom said there was a spare key under the welcome mat outside." 

"I just knocked a few times, you most of freaked out because of the story loud noise it's understandable, you're not used to the real world yet even though you've been back for a few months" 

I just nodded not knowing what to say. I never know what to say though so it's fine. and I'm just used to him yelling at me when I ever started talking. It wasn't pleasant, I wish I could voice the way I feel 

"Here are your glasses," Suga says handing them to me 

I took them making sure we didn't touch, and out them on, everything suddenly coming into focus. Suga smiled I looked at my hands. I've been doing better I've been able to sometimes touch people, if I touch them first, I wasn't as jumpy as before, I still zoned out a lot, and was too in my head, but at least, I could see some change, even though I wasn't ready I was still living in the past.  
That's fine in the thought, but sometimes it wrecked me, I hated it. There's just no way around it, though, Suga said I was getting better, and he was proud of me. I'm still working on being proud of myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If it doesn't make sense sorry not sorry.  
> I'm going to be coming out with another story soon though all my own characters and story so if you're interested in that it will probably be on my Wattpad under the same name if you're not interested I'll probably keep updating my two fanfictions. Well, maybe if I still like the story I'm writing.


	11. They be the broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus, I started this yesterday at eleven and stopped writing at five am, and I had guitar lessons today so I was pretty much dead. But anyway. Someone (Who I forget the username of) Commented on the last chapter or something saying that I did have some grammar mistakes so thank you, and I found out that I had a lot I only got up to the third chapter of editing (Then I got bored and went back to writing It was a nightmare) I'm surprised nobody commented sooner when in the first chapter it said dad instead of day, you can see the confusion. Well, I'd be confused anyway. So yes, I'm working on editing the chapters before I had Grammarly and probably after I had it as well. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy. Sorry if it's all over the place, I'm going to have to go back and re-read the all the chapters to see where I'm going to take this. (That's going to be terrible)

Today is the day of the next group, I've been thinking all week about sharing something, but I'm really not sure. It seems too soon, and not soon enough, Suga and Yahaba said I can share whenever I'm ready, and I want to be ready, it's just hard but I think this will really help me, in some sense even though I still have trouble speaking, I learned fast "there" not to talk unless I couldn't scream anymore, sometimes I'd get hurt more when I screamed but there's no way to become completely silent at times  
Today is also one of my better days I didn't sleep much but I actually got up at ten and had a shower, and I said goodbye to my mother before she ran off to work, I think she needs to take some time off but I don't think she can seeing as it's our only way of income but still I feel useless in that sense because I can't work, my right leg is completely messed up, I found out last week when it wasn't getting any better that'd I'd need a cane. It's annoying and I feel older than I am, but It's better than It hurting all the time I guess. They still said I couldn't work yet. But I feel like a burden. 

It's three in the afternoon, I'm waiting for Suga, watching tv until he comes over to take me to the group that's not till a lot later, so today I have to feed myself, and make sure I'm okay. Suga thought I was mentally and physically okay to take care of myself for a little while before he came to got me. Aka his way of I need a break from you for today, I can't blame him he hasn't had much time for himself since I came into his life, he has to be my "friend" and he still needs to work, and take care of himself and his boyfriend. 

I get up and get and make myself something easy to eat at four, I just made a salad that my mom packed in the fridge she said it was just something easy for me to eat because I can't make anything anymore, anyway. I used to be able to make things and take care of myself. Now not so much.  
At four twenty I get a text from Suga. I check it 

"How are you?" It says. Leave me alone, I can't take care of myself if you're checking up on my every few hours, I don't say that, I just reply with a simple "Fine" 

A few seconds later he replies "That's good, I'm glad. Do you still want to go this tonight?" He asks. Why can't he just worry about himself right now and take care of himself

I text back "I guess so." I reply

I'm kinda looking forward to being near people, I went last week yes, but this time I think all be more okay, because my anxiety pills have been working better than before now that I've been on them longer, I'm happy about that, but it's still bad and annoying taking them all the time, they said it should kill all my anxiety, but I still feel anxious at times, I guess that's normal? They came at the end of last week and I have to take them every day when I wake up

I finish eating and set the bowl on the coffee table in front of me. I look through so more of my texts the only ones I have are from the guy from a few months ago and Suga, my mom doesn't have a phone so I have the number for her work in case I'm in trouble even though I don't like calling people the most I do is text sometimes, I try to stay away from my phone at all costs. Before I was so attached to my phone, I didn't have it on me, I remember how proud I was that I worked hard enough to buy it myself, It was used but it was mine, now It feels like an alien device. I go on to the text messages with that guy, you'd think I'd just delete the texts and the number but I've just never texted someone who acted the way he did. Even when I texted "him" it never seemed that way, sure he was different and seemed so at peace and fun, but this guy just felt so comfortable and happy, even if he wasn't and he was kinda funny, I liked his friends and the way they talked, I never had friends like that, it was all so fake and planned in some way, I kinda want to text this guy but I'm just so scared and unsure of myself I just don't want it to happen again. Suga says I'm ready to sometimes take care of myself, but I can't tell if this is going to help, it could just make it  
worse, I just don't want to be afraid anymore, I can't take the risk though. 

I hear the lock turn, I look up Suga makes his way in he smiles, I turn off my phone and sit up all the way 

"Hey, kid," he says giving my a calm smile and coming over to sit next to me

"Wh--what are yo-u doing here?" I ask it's not time to leave yet it's only five it doesn't start till six 

"I know it doesn't start for another hour but I was worried and I haven't seen you for a day." 

I just nod, my mom was off at noon yesterday and Suga worked so he didn't come over, he did message though 

"Do--Do you not have a life?" I ask it's crazy how much he comes over here, I'm glad he does but he's normally pretty busy. 

He laughs " Yes, I do have a life, but you're my friend and I tend to worry about you, and your new medication is well, new. I just wanted to make sure it was working good." 

I nod in understanding, " I--I think it--it's working good," I stammer, looking at the tv, Rom-coms are starting to grow on me. 

"I'm glad." he says with a smile in his voice, he's so damn cheerful, at first it got on my nerves but one time he came over on one of his bad days and it just didn't feel like him, he  
was just a shell of the person he normally is, but I didn't mind it just showed me that he was real and not this fake person or friend that I was used too. 

We sit and watch rom-com and he makes me eat more, he doesn't think that I eat enough because of how skinny I am, that understandable, so I ate more we laughed and just did I guess normal teenager stuff till it was time to go 

"Ready to go?" He asks when I walk back into the room after going to get my cane, I don't normally need it around the house when I don't really move much 

"Al--almost" I mumble as I make my way over to the door, he had just finished zipping up his coat. 

"It's colder out today so wear a coat," he says, it's late spring and it has been warmer out lately but I guess not today

I nod

I put on my coat and my shoes, I sit on the ground to tie them 

"Do you need help up?" Suga asks once I'm done 

I look up at him, I stare for a second then nod

He offers me his hand I take it, I stand up. Once I'm standing I look at our hands, I stare. I look up at his face and grin 

He grins back 

"You've gotten a lot better since I first met you," He says smiling again, I let go of his hand, he turns and opens the door, I'm still smiling a little, I haven't been able to touch anyone since then, but I really am getting there. 

"Now we just have to get you to be able to hug people," He says breaking the silence when we're half way there (Lemon and a pear.) "In time of course," he says walking across the cross the crosswalk 

"Do--do you thin--think I'll ever be able to do tha-that" I say quietly 

"Yes, I know it's hard right now, but you've made a lot of progress, I'm proud of you, and I bet your mom is too." He says 

I nod 

"When we first met you could hardly talk, now you talk sometimes, and only sometimes have a stammer." 

"I never really talked a lot," I say 

He looks over at me, he smiles 

I raise an eyebrow at him 

He nods his head a little and starts to look ahead again, " You never talk about before all of this happened to you." He says answering my raised eyebrow 

I nod again in understanding. 

"I think I knew that though when I talked to Daichi when he first starting helping your mom out, he said that she always talked about you and how you were always so quiet and kept to yourself. Then he said your mom would laugh sadly and say I guess I named him right." 

I stare at Suga's back. I broke my mother's heart so many times, she deserves someone so much better than me, she should've had a son that could help her so she didn't have to  
work all the time, and could give her grandchildren, and take care of her when she's old. 

But no she has me the kid who ran away when she got remarried and we fought, and who can't do anything for himself, I can't even walk normally, or talk or see. 

"You alright?" Suga asks breaking my train of thought. 

"Ye--yes," I say nodding and walking faster so I don't fall behind

We're almost there now.

"You sure? We can walk back if you're not feeling it tonight?" he says looking over at me, It feels like he can read my mind. 

I shake my head. 

"No--No, I want to go, I'm doing better today" 

He nods and smiles. 

We get there everyone is already there, we take our seats I look around.

Kyotani is on his phone, but he's holding Yahaba's hand today and Yahaba's looking at a clipboard.  
Cya and Seth are sitting really close and are both on their phones.  
The four other teenagers I don't know there are two girls one with curly ginger hair, she has her head on the shoulder of the other girl with bleached short hair, she resting her head on the others. 

Then there are the two boys who look like twins who don't look any older than fourteen, both with big black eyes and dirty blonde hair. they look scared.  
I guess not everyone is here yet because Hanamaki and his friends are not here yet. 

"Oh, you came!" Yahaba says looking up from his clipboard 

"Yes, we did," Suga says smiling over at him, I look down 

"I thought you were not coming today for a while" Yahaba admits 

"No, I think it's good for Matsukawa, he doesn't leave their apartment much," Suga says back 

That is true. I only leave for doctor visits and sometimes I and Suga go for walks 

"I see. Well, I'm glad he came again I think it will help being with people his age." Yahaba says 

"For sure," Suga says happily, I now know how Kyotani feels. Not that I would actually say anything. 

"Did you guys find Kyotani's papers so he could get more anti-depressants?" Suga asks changing the subject from me, I'm glad for that, it's now Kyotani's turn to feel like a child. 

"We did. But it was really the last minute, Kyotani found them and then he hit me over the head with it." 

"He deserved it" Kyotani mumbles 

"I'm sure he did," Suga replies laughing a little

"Wow, you guys are ruder together," Yahaba says with fake hurt in his voice. 

"I'm rude all the time" Kyotani grumbles 

"True, true" Yahaba says 

I hear Suga giggle beside me. 

The chime on the door goes off, I jump and look up. 

Hanamaki comes in with his friends behind him, he's wearing a shirt that says bitch, and ripped jeans he looks cold though.  
Oikawa is dragging Iwaizumi behind him Oikawa looks like his normal self but he seems more nervous than normal he trying to hide it but it looks fake  
Iwaizumi is looking down and has his hoodies hood up to hide his face and he's got a too big coat on his shoulders, I'm guessing it's Hanamaki's 

I look away as they come and sit down. 

Once they're seated. Yahaba looks up again he makes eye contact with me and smiles. I look at my feet, I'm not ready for eye contact yet, with him anyway.

"Okay, now that everyone's here, we're going to get started!" Yahaba says putting the chipboard on the floor, he kisses Kyotani's hand once he's seated probably again.  
Kyotani looks up at him and gives him a small smile. I look away again feeling like I shouldn't be seeing this 

"I'll go first then Kyotani" 

Everyone just mumbles a yeah or yes 

"I'm Yahaba Shigeru, I'm twenty-three everyone knows how long I've been because of my names on the building," Yahaba says nudging Kyotani 

He mumbles something under his breath. " I'm Kyotani Kentaro, I'm twenty-three. I've been coming here since I've known Shigeru." He says actually putting his phone away 

"Next," Yahaba says looking over Kyotani 

"Oh. I'm Cya Coiner, I'm seventeen, I'm been coming here for a few years. " She says smiling a little, she looks over at Seth 

"I'm Seth Geans, I'm also seventeen and I've been coming here since I've known Cya," Seth says sitting up straight and putting his phone away 

"I'm Camden Jones. I'm sixteen, I've been coming here for a little over two months says the ginger girl 

"I'm Killgen Vince, I'm seventeen, I've been coming here for a year." Says the black haired girl

"I'm Nick," Says one of the twins "I'm Nate," says the other," We're fifteen, we've been coming here since last month," They say at the same time, they're kinda creepy I wonder if they  
practice talking at the same time

"Hello, I'm Sugawara Koshi, I'm twenty-five, I used to come here, now I'm coming with my friend here," He says smiling over at me. 

I nod. I can do this. "I'm-------I'm Matsukawa Issei, I'm eighteen, this is my sec----ond--second time he-here." I say I kinda did it 

Suga smiles at me again 

"I'm Hanamaki Takahiro, I'm nineteen, I've been living here for two years," Hanamaki says beside me

"Sure you have..." Says Yahaba

"Hello, I'm Oikawa Toru, I'm nineteen, I've been coming here for a year," Oikawa says, he looks over at Iwaizumi he's still looking down and hiding his face 

"This is Iwaizumi Hajime, he's nineteen, and has been coming here as long as I have," Oikawa says once Iwaizumi doesn't even look up 

"Okay, great. This time since Oikawa started last week, I guess I will start and then once again Kyotani will go and so on. Remember everything said in this room doesn't leave this  
room, and if you're not okay with sharing, take your time there's nothing to worry about." Yahaba says 

Everyone just nods

"My mother came to visit, it didn't go as well as I hoped it would've," Yahaba says 

"What happened?" Cya asks 

"She doesn't like me and Kyotani together," Yahaba answers 

"Is it because you guys are gay or?" Camden asks 

"No, she's fine with me being gay, she just has something against Ken here," Yahaba says 

"That's shitty," Suga says speaking up 

"It really is, I mean Ken doesn't look the nicest but he acts like a puppy most of the time," Hanamaki says 

"I know right! but she doesn't even give him a chance, so they can actually get to know each their." Yahaba says 

"Is she still visiting or did she already go back home?" Oikawa asks

"She's here for another week but I don't know what to do," Yahaba says still thinking you can tell he's really worried about Kyotani because of his mom 

"I'm sure there's some way you can make her see that he's not as bad as he seems," Suga says 

"I'm right here" Kyotani grumbles 

"Have you looked in a mirror?" Hanamaki asks 

"Good point," Kyotani says back 

There kinda like a weird family Kyotani, Yahaba and Hanamaki, there kinda always arguing though but you can tell they love each their 

"I'm sure you'll figure something out, and if it doesn't work out send her home early," Suga says 

"Yeah.." Yahaba says in thought 

"Your turn Ken," Yahaba says after a few second of him just thinking 

Kyotani nods 

"What Yahaba said, and I'm on new anxiety medication," Kyotani says looking at the ground 

"That's great! Kyotani" Suga says smiling happily over at him, Kyotani looks up and smiles a little 

"Yeah, that's great," Seth says smiling. 

Kyotani just nods, but he has a small smile 

"Cya your turn," Yahaba says 

"Okay. I've been just really busy applying to colleges and trying to graduate, It's been going pretty well, and I'm happy with the way things are going right now" She says grinning 

"That's awesome Cya, I hope you get into the college you want," Yahaba says grinning back at her. 

"Seth," Cya says looking over at him he gives her a smile then looks out to the circle

"I'm not going to college but I am trying to graduate and I already have a job lined up after high school," Seth says 

"What is the job?" Hanamaki asks 

"I'm going to training under another tattoo artist, and then I'm going to try and open my own tattoo place after a few years," he says you can tell he's passionate about it 

"Cool, who you training under?" Hanamaki asks 

"My friend Yu. He's been doing tattoos for three years I think," 

"Oh, Nishnoya, I got one of my tattoos there, and so did Iwaizumi. He's great at what he does and he's only twenty." Hanamaki says 

"Yeah, he's awesome, he didn't go to high school, but he's super great at what he does," Seth says grinning

"Yess," Hanamaki says 

"Okay. Camden" Yahaba says after the finish talking about tattoos 

"Cool. Me and Killgen moved in together finally! and I got a cat named pepper." Camden says proudly

"That's great, I know you guys have been trying to move for a while now," Yahaba says 

"Yes, we we're just waiting till it was safe for Kill to be able to move out from her other apartment with the shitty roommates," Camden says 

"And of course I had enough money to move out of my dad's place." Camden continued 

"How'd your dad take it?" Suga asks 

"He wasn't home, he was probably off getting drunk, so I just moved all my stuff out and left him a note saying I'm leaving to be a homosexual," Camden says laughing a bit 

Everyone laughs a bit, but me Kyotani, Iwaizumi and me, I feel like were the extra emo ones right now

"Next," Yahaba says after everyone's done laughing.

"I moved in with this hotness," Killgen says pointing at Camden" and I got a cat his name is salt,"

"You guys have the best names for your cats" Oiwaka says 

"I know right!" Killgen says grinning 

"How did your roommates take you leaving," Yahaba asks

"Well, one was a little mad because I've been living with them since I fourteen, but everyone else was cool with it or they knew I've been trying to move in with Cam for a while." She says smiling sweetly down at Camden 

"That's good for the most part," Suga says giving her a little smile as well 

"Yes, it is," Yahaba and Oiwaka say 

"Nate?" Yahaba asks 

"I'm Nick," The one says that closest to Killgen says 

"Sorry." 

"Don't worry about it happens all the time to us," Nate says 

"Yeah," Nick says 

"I have a question," Hanamaki says out of nowhere

"Yes?" Nick asks 

"Do you guys practice introducing yourselves?" He asks reading my mind 

They giggle. 

"We did before we got kicked out of our first foster home," Nick says 

"Yeah, we were trying to freak out the other kids, but then the parents said we were going to another foster home after we did it, I think they thought we were demons" Nate replies 

"I can see why" Hanamaki says 

"That's creepy as fuck," Says Oikawa 

"That's what we were going for," They say at the same time

"Jesus," Oikawa says under his breath 

"You called," Hanamaki replies to Oikawa. 

"Shut it," Oikawa replies 

"How was your week?" Yahaba asks Nick again 

"Oh, we like our new foster home, and but our school sucks, people keep picking on us," Nate replies for Nick 

"What are they saying to you guys? I can beat them up if you want right Iwaizumi?" Hanamaki suggests 

 

Iwaizumi just grumbles something under his breath 

"They were calling us freaks and beating us up," Nick says looking at his hands 

"Do you want Iwaizumi to beat them up?" Hanamaki asks again more seriously 

"No, it's fine. We'll figure it out." Nate says 

"You sure?" Yahaba asks 

"Yeah, we've been through worse," Nick says 

"That doesn't mean that you don't need help now," Yahaba says 

"You don't have to pretend to be okay with it," Hanamaki says, it sounds like he's been through something similar the way he says it 

"We know," They say at the same time. 

"Can you not talk at the same time?" Oikawa asks 

"No." They say at the same time again grinning at him, it's a bit creepy how much they look alike the only difference is that Nick is taller and Nate has two different colored eyes one's  
black like Nicks and the others dark blue if anything their differences make them more creepy 

"We really are fine though, if it gets really bad we will ask for help, okay?" Nick says 

"You better," Hanamaki says 

They nod 

"Suga?" Yahaba says 

"Cool. I've been fine, I've been busy with work and helping Matsukawa as much as I can." says smiling a bit 

"Matsukawa would you like to talk this week?" Yahaba asks 

 

I shake my head 

"That's fine," He says giving me a smile

"Here, I can share something with you guys about Matsukawa, if that's okay with him," He says looking over at me

I raise an eyebrow at him 

"Shhhh. It's nothing bad." He says laughing a little at my face I'm guessing 

I shake my head as in whatever say what you want

"Okay. Thank you Matsukawa" I nod " Okay, as you some of you may know from the news a month or so ago, Matsukawa was saved from this man," he says I don't mind that he's  
sharing that but still I try to make myself smaller"That's not my story to tell, but still. He wouldn't/Hasn't let anyone touch him at all, like, if you even tried waved your hand near him  
he'd have a panic attack, he's been getting better but it's still a work in progress, but he let me help him up after he tied his shoes, I think that is great from what happened before whenever you tried to touch." 

"Wow," Oikawa says 

"That is great!" Yahaba says 

"It really is, I didn't see you on the news or know what you went through, but I do know what it's like to panic when people try to touch you," Camden says looking over at me 

"Matsukawa was that too much" Suga whispers was I can only hear me 

"It--it's fine," I say. 

I'm fine with him sharing that I just wish he didn't mention "Him" But there's no way around it. 

I just want to forget him. 

And it's not like people don't know, it's still everywhere, I'm still talked about on the news even though it's been a few months. 

"Thank you for sharing for Matsukawa, hopefully soon he can share for himself," Yahaba says smiling 

"Okay, Hanamaki." 

"Hmmmmmm............k," Hanamaki says still lost in thought."It was fine, it was just school, and hanging out with Oikawa, and Iwaizumi." Hanamaki says 

"Did you guys find somewhere to live all together?" Yahaba asks 

"Yeah, we moved in together last month. We found a shitty place near uni, there's a fridge in our bathroom and a pink sink in the kitchen, but it works." Oikawa answers 

"Sink is not pink because of my hair dye this time too." Hanamaki states 

"But it's still pink," Oikawa says 

"I'm happy you guys found somewhere to live because you've been looking for a while," Yahaba says 

"Yeah, that's awesome! Wait are there two fridges?" Suga asks 

Hanamaki nods " Yeah, there's one bolted down in the bathroom, and one in the kitchen that looks older than the twins." 

"Why would you bolt a fridge to the bathroom floor?" Camden asks 

"I'm afraid only God can answer that," Hanamaki replies 

"The landlord didn't even mention it." Oikawa states 

"He was just like here's the key, pay me every month" Hanamaki continues 

"Well," Yahaba says looking over at Kyotani 

"Next," Yahaba says after a few seconds of thinking

"Cool, cool. I've had school and volleyball, I have to start going to therapy for my knee again so it doesn't start acting up again, school is going to be ending soon, so I'm looking  
forward to that, and besides that I've been taking care of Iwa-chan because he's been in a slump." Oikawa says giving a little smile, but you can tell he's worried about Iwaizumi because there still holding hands and Iwaizumi is hiding his face in his shoulder. I can't tell if they're dating or just close

"Iwaizumi you going to share?" Yahaba asks looking over at him worriedly 

"It would be good for him to talk about it but I don't know if he will," Oikawa says looking down at Iwaizumi who hasn't moved since he got here. 

Iwaizumi lifts his head, and whispers something to Oikawa, Oikawa just nods. 

"Do you want me to or Hanamaki to go with you?" Oikawa asks Iwaizumi, I look away 

"Okay," Oikawa says, I look back into the circle, Iwaizumi does get up and leaves 

"He's going to the bathroom, he may share once he's back," Oikawa says looking after Iwaizumi 

"You sure he's okay?" Hanamaki asks looking over at Oikawa once Iwaizumi all the way gone into another room 

"I'm not sure, he's hardly talked all week," Oikawa says looking at his hands 

"I'm sure he's fine, just let him take his time," Yahaba says 

"Right Suga?" Yahaba asks looking over at us

"I mean yeah, but I don't know what happened so, It's hard to say how long till he's okay with sharing again" Suga answers looking over at Yahaba, there also having a silent  
conversation they way they're looking at each their. 

"What set this off." Yahaba says breaking eye contact with Suga after a few seconds of them just staring at each there 

"Oh. Ummm....His father came to visit. He's been like this for over a week, he was looking forward to seeing him, and when he got here it was fine for the first day then something  
happened, I don't know what though because he won't talk about it." Oikawa replies, maybe it's the same thing with Yahaba's mom or something similar but it's hard to tell and it's not my place. 

"I see," Suga says, I look over at him, he looks lost in thought as well. 

Iwaizumi comes back a few seconds later, his hoods still up and he's still looking down but he doesn't seem as upset as before 

"Are you okay?" Yahaba asks once he's seated again 

He nods 

"Are you going to talk or..." He asks 

He clears his throat" Yeah," He says, his voice sounds a little funny because of him not talking for a long time, but it isn't as bad when I was saved, but still bad. 

"Take your time," Yahaba says giving him a small smile 

"Thanks." He replies he takes Oikawa's hand again, Oikawa puts his arm around his shoulder instead though 

"So, my father came to visit, it was fine until he bring up the whole thing about my transition, and how I'd never not be a "Girl" and I'm disgusting," Iwaizumi says not making eye  
contact with anyone, and hardly being loud enough for anyone to hear him 

"You didn't tell me that. I wish you told us we could've helped" Oikawa says looking down at him 

"Yeah, if we would've known that we would've kicked him out sooner," Hanamaki says looking over at Iwaizumi who's trying to disappear 

"Sooner?" Suga asks 

"Oh, he was being an asshole before we knew that, and he wouldn't stop using Iwaizumi's birthname," Hanamaki says looking over at Suga, after staring at Iwaizumi who's back  
hiding his face 

"Come here," Killgen says standing up, she's pretty tall when she's standing which I didn't notice till now

Iwaizumi does stand up and Killgen hugs him and whispers something to him 

The hug for a few minutes then they go back to their seats 

"I know how it feels," Killgen says " My mom doesn't understand that I'm a girl, she still uses he/him pronouns, and calls me her son. Now I don't talk to her." Killgen says putting her arm around Camden and kissing her head 

"Camden even started bothering her with using he/him pronouns for her, that was before I left home" Killgen continues. 

"She used to try and take me and Killgen go to church with her, to get rid of the devil in us, we used to run away and get high, it was hilarious" Camden tunes in 

"Yeah, it was," Killgen says 

"Thank you so much, both of you sharing something hard with us." Yahaba says "That most of been hard for both of you, I'm sorry you both had to live with transphobic parents growing up, but if you didn't live we wouldn't have the amazing people we have today!" Yahaba says trying to lighten the mood 

"True," Camden says looking up at her girlfriend giving her a big smile, they're sweet together 

Oikawa just holds Iwaizumi closer to himself and whispers something to him 

"Okay, we're out of time now. But I'm so glad that everyone shared and is doing alright. We'll see you next week, right Kyotani?"Yahaba says standing up 

Kyotani looks up at him

"What?" He asks 

"Are you going to be here next week?" He asks again raising an eyebrow at him

"Oh, yeah. See you next week" Kyotani says standing up as well.

"Great. Suga can I see you for a moment in the back?" Yahaba asks looking at Suga

"Yes!" He says jumping up 

"I'll be right back." He says winking at me and running after him 

"They're both children." Kyotani grumbles 

"That's what Iwa-chan says about me and Maki," Oikawa says 

"I wonder why?" Kyotani asks sarcastically

"You're so rude, Tani-chan," Oikawa says frowning and hugging Iwaizumi to himself 

"Never call me that again" Kyotani growls 

"Sorry, sorry," He says 

"I think you're killing Iwaizumi" Hanamaki states because Oikawa is still hugging him 

I look away and start spacing out once they start bickering, I don't notice when someone comes up to me 

"Hey," Says Camden breaking me out of thought 

I jump 

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you." She says putting her hands up in surrender 

"Don--Don't wo--rry--worry about it" I stammer out 

She just gives me a small smile 

"Anyway, I just wanted to say hi, and say I'm happy you're making progress, really. I went through so stuff as well that made me scared of human touch for a few years." 

"Rea--Really?" I ask 

"Yeah, it was hard. But I made it out alive and it was really worth it." She says looking over at her girlfriend who's talking to Iwaizumi  
She snaps out of it pretty quicky though at looks back up at me. "Don't rush it and don't think anything is a waste of time when you're trying to get better everything is worth it. I mean I'm not the same person as I was before the accident but I'd like to think I'm better" She says smiling warmly up at me, she's beautiful 

I nod, "I---I can tell yo--you really--really love her." I mumble 

She blushes "Yeah, she helped a lot, and I helped her" She says smiling lovingly over at Killgen "I love her with everything I have." She states looking back up at me. " Jesus, you're a giant." She says 

taking me all in 

I blush this time 

"But then again I'm like 5'3, "She says with a laugh.

I giggle a little 

"Anyway, It was nice talking to you but I better get going, before our cats either eat something they shouldn't or wreck something" She says smiling again and going over to join her  
girlfriend, I give a little wave as she walks away, she waves back, then hugs her girlfriend from behind who jumps in response

I stand up from my chair and grab my jacket that I put on the back of my chair and put it on, it's a bit small we haven't had a chance to get me clothes that fit, some of them still do  
but they're still a little small 

"Hey, Matsukawa," someone says behind me, I jump and turn around to face Hanamaki 

"You're very jumpy." He says grinning a little 

I just nod 

"I know you didn't share but I think it's cool that you're friends with someone who can talk for you. Hopefully, next time you can talk for yourself, but don't feel bad if it doesn't happen." Hanamaki says looking up at me with so much honesty I look away 

"I-----I---Hope --as---well," I say stammering and talking very quickly 

He smiles again, he has a nice smile 

"You're cute." He says looking up at me again seriously 

I look away freaking out, I shake my head 

He just laughs, "Don't worry about it, these things take time" He says and winks. 

I look away again finding the way behind him very interesting 

"Well, I better go. Bye" He says and gives a wave then walks back to Oikawa and Iwaizumi. 

I wave, he smiles back. 

I take out my phone to try and stop thinking about what he said 

Me cute, yeah right. 

Suga comes back a few minutes later, making me jump for the third time that night  
He laughs it off, and we leave with one more wave to Kyotani and Yahaba. Well, I waved, he hugged them both. Kyotani actually letting him hug him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I can't even tell if this is still good anymore or if I should just stop before I hurt myself. I still want to write this but I'm loooooosttttt helpppppppppp 
> 
> Annnnd I told my guitar teacher that I was up till five am writing now next week he wants me to bring him something I wrote and I'm dying slowly (It's not even good death) I'll figure something out but still it's going to be hard,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
> 
> Oh, and like I said on the last chapter I'm making my own story with my own peeps and I'm going to probably soon release the first chapter on my Wattpad, so if you want to see that it's going to be on there so keep your eye out (You are now a cyclops) and I should be putting out the next chapter to my other fanfic (Never enough) Soonish as well. 
> 
> And once again any mispells our grammar problems let me know
> 
> Until next time Den~


	12. Doctors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, okay, I actually updated in the same month, I'm so proud. So here's this mess. I'm now going to go get hit by a bus. Sound good? okay cool

I'm sitting in the waiting room of the doctor's office, my mother on my right, and Suga on my left

He really didn't need to come today, but here he is, he can't even come into the room with me, because only family can come with me, for reasons my mother only knows. My doctor knows about Suga because he's been helping a lot, but still. 

I wait for a few more minutes before I'm called by the nurse, my mother and Suga stay in the waiting room.   
Once in the check up room, I sit on the bed thingy?   
I sit there for a few minutes before the doctor comes in, a short woman in her late thirties, she's been my doctor ever since I came back from "there" she's a nice enough lady

She smiles at me then takes her seat on her computer chair thing across from me 

"Hello, Matsukawa. How are you this week?" She asks checking some things in my file

"'I--I'm fine" I stutter out

"Any weird pain? or anything better?" She asks looking up at me with grey eyes

"Pre--Pretty much the same as the last visit" 

She nods turning around to face her desk to write something on her clipboard 

She starts quietly humming as she writes 

After a few minutes, she speaks up startling me' "How is the cane and what did the physiotherapist guy say?" She asks not turning around 

"H--he---said--that I'll need the cane for the rest of---my life, but I should keep coming for a while longer so It---it'll get a bit easier" I stammer

She nods, she's quite for a few minutes 

"All right. Well, I'm glad that it's working out. How are you mentally?" she asks turning around again 

"I-- think---it's better," I say playing with my hands

"Well, I can tell the medication is working. And is this Suga person still helping you?" She ask smiling a bit 

I nod, "Ye--yes," I say 

"I'm glad. Okay, I'm going to bring your mother into talk and see how she thinks your doing, why don't you back to the waiting room alright" She says smiling and standing up 

I get down from the bed carefully I'm still not used to this cane

I leave the room and tell my mother the doctor wants to talk. I take my seat next to Suga 

"How'd it go?" he asks looking up from his magazine

"Ok---it was just the normal stuff," I say looking at what he was reading some article about cats 

He nods, looking back down at the magazine

"That's good," He says smiling at me again 

"---You should have taken a day off," I say looking over at him 

It just feels stupid for him to be around all the time, we're friends but is this how friends are supposed to be? I just wish he'd take time for himself

"Wow, sick of me already," He says laughing a bit

"No---no--I just mean you're always helping me, and I just feel stupid," I say mumbling at the end

He looks up at me searching my eyes, I look away so I'm looking at my hands, I didn't mean to say all of that out loud

"You don't have to be stupid this is what friends do, I may be a therapist but I'm also your friend, and I've been here since pretty much the beginning it would be rude for me not to be here   
for a doctors appointment. And plus I haven't seen you for two days, so let me be annoying" He says laughing then smiling 

"Don't think of it as just me helping you, you've helped me." He says softly but confidently

"It's more of a give and take, then you just taking. Okay? okay" He says still looking at the side of my face

I don't know what to say

So I just stutter out lamely "ok" 

He looks back down at his magazine 

After a few minutes, I ask "What are you reading" Quietly 

"I'm reading about cats." He says not looking up. I stare at his the side of his face for a few seconds

"Why?" 

"Because I want a cat, why else. Do I need a reason to look at cats?" He asks going on the defensive. But I can tell it's in a joking way 

"I'm trying to talk Daichi into getting a kitten. "Trying" being the keyword." He says with air quotes 

"Why doesn't he want a cat?" I ask looking back at the magazine, there's a little ginger cat on it

"He said his mom's allergic to cats. And I said let the bitch die," he says rolling his eyes like it's the most normal thing ever, sometimes I wonder how he's a therapist. 

I just nod like I understand

My mother comes out a few minutes later. She waves at us to follow

It's a quite walk to the bus stop once we're there 

"Wh---what did she say?" I ask 

"Yeah, you were in there for a while," Suga says from beside me

She hums for a moment putting her curly black hair up 

"She said that you're doing well and the anxiety medicine helped a lot." 

"But?" Suga asks

"But it's still going to take time," She says continuing

The bus pulls up we get in. Once we're seated in the back she speaks up again 

"I also asked about the nightmares, she said they've tried everything in their power unless you want to be like a zombie. I said no, that is not even on the table. You're my little boy, not a zombie" 

I nod. My mom is too pure for this world

"Awww," Suga says reading my mind

"You're so sweet," Suga says when he gets a glare in return 

me and my mother don't have a lot in common besides or looks and our glare. Which according to her ex's is from the devil himself. 

"I know," She says and winks at him 

Suga just puts his hand over his heart 

"Stop flirting with my mom," I say 

"I'm not flirting with your mom. I'm gay" 

My mom just starts laughing "You're also a bit young" 

"Age is just a number, baby," Suga says winking back 

I sink down in my seat, Jesus. 

I look out the window and just tune them out. Once we get back to the apartment, Suga says he's going on a date, and that he'll see us later, we wave him off, and my mom says good luck to   
him with a wink, I just roll my eyes and take a seat not even wanting to think what that wink was for. 

She joins me after a she gets in her pj's. 

We sit on the couch for a few minutes in silence 

"Hey, honey?" she asks looking over at me

"Yes," I say looking over at her instead of the wall 

She just stares at me, then smiles sadly 

"You're doing so well," She says her smiles brightens 

She's beautiful 

I just stare at her 

"I love you" 

"Love you too---" I say back surprising myself by my voice not breaking

She smiles again and holds out her hand to me

I look at it

Then take it 

She brings my hand up to her mouth and kisses it 

"You're so handsome," She says " You look nothing like your father, he was always so mad. I'm glad he left." She says looking down at our hands

She doesn't talk about my father often, at first it was because I didn't want to think about him, even though I could still hear her crying through the wall at night, I just couldn't think how someone could leave someone so strong and beautiful. Now She just doesn't talk about him because I think she's forgotten some, it pains her you can tell. But it's more of a scar than a   
bloody mess. 

Why'd I ever leave her? 

"I don't remember him," I say quietly 

She just nods

"You were only two when he couldn't take it anymore. When I told him I was pregnant with you, he said we couldn't have a child. We had just gotten out of high school at the time. I   
understand why he didn't think we could do it, he wasn't going anywhere with his life, he couldn't look after himself at all, so what would he do with a child." She says laughing bitterly at the   
memories 

I just nod not knowing what to say but I try to think of something. 

"His name was Rin right?" I ask 

"No. Rin was my boyfriend since the last year of middle school and all of high school, we broke up in senior year, he said that he wanted to try and be with other people because he'd never   
been with anyone else. I, of course, went along with it." 

"Rin was amazing, he wasn't sporty or really nerdy. He was a sweetheart and someone I thought I could be with for the rest of my life." She says looking at our hands

She always said that Rin was my dad, who was my real dad then? 

I look over at her waiting for her to continue 

"Why didn't you fight for him then?" ask quietly 

"Because there was nothing I could've done to make him stay, It was a different time then, I was different then. We were still friends, but when he started going out with all sorts of people, I   
didn't know what to do. So I and my friends thought it was a great Idea to go to a party and have some fun, I wasn't thinking I just wanted to get over Rin. So we went partying I got drunk I   
met this guy, he said his name was Lee. Later found out it was Leonardo and he wasn't anyone my parents would want me to be with. But it still happened." 

"You happened." She says looking over at me

Me still trying to take everything in 

"Why didn't you tell me?" I ask 

"Well, after that, I found out I was pregnant, the first person I told was Rin, he asked if it was his and I said no, I was so scared. I thought he was going to freak out, but he didn't he was there   
the whole time I was pregnant, Lee was there too, but rarely." 

She says signing closing her eyes

"I'm glad it happened. I didn't tell you because I didn't think you should know Lee as your father because he never cared for us." 

"Why did you cry so much?" I ask

She just stares at me. 

"Like I said I was scared I was an eighteen year old with a child, no parents that cared, and a boyfriend that left after two years of rarely being there, saying it was too much."   
She smiles at the ceiling, not in a sad way though just as in I made it this far sort of way

"Why didn't you get an abortion," I ask 

She looks at me for a second that back at the ceiling. " I was scared, but I needed it. I needed to take care of someone, I needed to know that I could do it. Lee tried to talk me into, but I said   
no, I'm not ageist it. I just needed to know that I'd be okay." She says softly

"I'm so happy, I didn't listen to him. You caused a lot of pain, but I love you more than anything in this world. and I'd be nothing without you. I know because when I thought I lost you, I   
wasn't me anymore I was just a shell of the person you helped me become." 

"Don't cry, baby" She coos looking over at me

I wipe them away 

"I hurt you so much though," I say just not to start sobbing

"That's true."She says rubbing her thumb on the back of my hand " But you also caused me some much happiness and love. All that pain is worth it," Says says smiling at our hands

"Now hand me the tv remote we're watching all the good movies you missed, my love." 

I giggle and grab it off the coffee table and hand it to her. 

"What's first?" I ask 

She just giggles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, sorry if some of the stuff is wrong and stuff. But I just wanted to write so here it is. It's probably a tad rushed.


	13. Helping someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't finish writing this till like four am, and I was trying to put it up before I passed out but It didn't work out because it was being stupid. But here it is

"Asshole, wake up" Someone banging on my door to my room 

"Shut it the baby's sleeping!" I yell back burying my head in my pillows 

"Last time I checked you didn't have a baby!!" Oikawa yells back

"I'm the baby, you insensitive fuck!" I yell back rolling onto my back giving up on going back to sleep 

I grab my phone off my cart aka bedside table 

"Shut it!" He yells back 

"Shouldn't you be quite?" I ask back not bother to continue yelling through the door at nine am 

"Probably," He says back 

"Yeah, ya bitch" I mumble 

"What?" He asks through the door

"Nothing! what do you need it's the weekend" 

"I need to talk to you" 

I roll my eyes really this is the way you treat people who you need to talk to, what an asshole

"Come in then," I say not moving from under my blankets it's cold okay

"I can't you locked the door," He says jiggling the nob 

"Oh," I get up in just my boxers and unlock the door and run back to my bed, I pull the covers up again 

"Come in," I say in a singsong voice

He opens the door still in his pyjamas and glasses 

"Sup bitch," I say as he takes a seat on my bed that's on the floor 

"I have work today," He says 

"So?" I ask, did he really just wake me up to tell me something I already know

"So, you're going to have to make dinner and make sure Iwa-chan wakes up at a normal time," He says looking at me instead of my sad looking room, his room doesn't look any better like,  
bitch please

"He's still sleeping?" I ask laying down again sitting up takes too much work 

"Yeah, he's hardly been sleeping at all, partly because of his father and also because of school," He says locking eyes with me, sometimes it's creepy when he gets all serious on people

"I wish he would've told us sooner," I say sighing and sinking more into my bed

"Me too, he hasn't been himself at all, he really thought it was going to be different this time," he says laying down as well 

"What about you?" I ask turning on my side to look at his profile

"Hmmm?" He hums closing his eyes for a second

"About his dad, I mean you knew him before," I say, I mean he had to have thought something I mean it's been like five years or so since he came out 

"I mean I was hoping it was going to be different this time as well, they were so close before, but I still had my doubts I mean he hit him when he came out," He says sadly staring at the  
ceiling

"I didn't know that," I say quietly

"I know. I probably wouldn't have known either but I was there, so. We were just fourteen at the time too" he says looking at me out of the corner of his eye 

It's hard to believe this is the world we live in 

"Anyway, make dinner. Keep in eye on him but don't tell him I told you too" He says switching suddenly and standing up but he still looks a little upset 

"You need a hug" I coo trying to also switch back 

He just stands there and stares for a second, then nods

I open my arms and nod at him, he swats and hugs me, I pull him on top of me and hug really tight, he squeaks 

"I'm dying" He squeaks into the pillows behind me

"Shhhhhh, it will all be over soon," I say partly joking about death, and what's going on 

He laughs but hugs me tighter as well. We just lay there for a second, me trying to hold him together and him needing someone, after a while he stands up again eyes red glasses in his hair 

"I need to get ready for work," He says fixing his glasses and his shirt 

"Okay, boo," I say with a wink 

"Bye, babe," He says winking back 

"Love ya, bitch," I say throwing a pillow at him 

He grabs it and throws it back "You too," He says blowing a kiss and running to the bathroom with a fucking fridge in it, I'm still not over it okay 

I go on my phone going through facebook and shit, then on Tumblr to steal some memes

After a while of laying in bed, I get up and going into our shitty small kitchen making some coffee and toast, I make my coffee and then Iwaizumi's, I grab the two mugs and go up to their  
room I knock lightly I wait for a second nothing 

I open the door he's still in bed a bundle of blankets head under the pillow, I sit down their bed which isn't on the floor like my sad bed. 

"Hey, loser," I say in the quite room waiting, he's a deep sleeper so it probably did nothing, but it's the thought that counts, I stand up and put the coffee on the bedside table, which happens  
to be a create, I lay on top of him

"Wake up," I say right by his car he just grumbles and wiggles a bit 

"Bitch, it's like ten," I say he wiggles more and I roll over on the bed so he can breathe 

"Fuck you" He mumbles 

"Ouch, I'm so hurt," I say putting my hand over my heart 

I take the pillow off his head, he just glares at me

"I'm glad I hurt you"He grumbles turning around so he can't see me

"You're so salty in the morning, I love it," I say moving closer to him 

"Shut it," He says trying to hit me but missing 

"Come onnnnnn, I made you coffee" I whine

He sighs "The way I like it" He mumbles 

"No, the way Obama likes it," I say sarcastically 

"And you said I'm salty" He grumbles again 

He's not one for mornings explain when he hasn't been sleeping much 

"I'm not salty, I'm sassy and sarcastic," I say rolling onto my back

"Same thing" He grumbles again but he does sit up and take his coffee in his mug with Godzilla on it 

"No, not the same thing," I say sitting up as well, leaning against the headboard. 

He just mumbles more under his breath, then takes a sip, he makes a happy noise when it's the way he likes it and not Obama's 

"Bitch, I told you," I say leaning over him to get my coffee

"You could've just asked me to pass it to you," He says because I'm still laying on his lap drinking my coffee

"Yeah, yeah"

I just stay there though, drinking my coffee and laying on him, he doesn't really mind we've known each their too long for him to be uncomfortable with contact. People even think we're dating sometimes because we're so touchy with each their even though that's only half true because of their the only one's dating, I'm more of a one-time thing wink-wink. Not with them, but yeah.  
"You know we worry about you right?" I ask out of the blue because I can't stop thinking about the things he thought we, not a big deal. He makes a surprised noise 

"I know." He says quietly resting his mug on my back 

"No, you don't if you thought that wasn't a big deal to us," I say seriously 

It's quite for a second before I speak up again "Not sleeping about something is a big deal, not talking is a big deal, hardly eating is a big deal. Well, enough to worry your boyfriend and your best friend. Do you not care that we care and love you so much." I say getting louder because of emotions. When I was going through shit, they both made sure that I knew how much they cared, they were there every day. Why can't he see that it's the same with him? 

"I know you guys care," He says quietly 

"Then lean on us just a little, tell us when you're ready, think how we'll never judge you no matter what, even if you get a tattoo that says Aliens aren't real," I say sitting up and taking his  
mug and putting them on the bedside table and hugging him 

He crying now, hell I'm getting teary eyed 

"I just didn't know what to do," He says muffled by my shoulder

"I know. But you could've told us, even just Oikawa, anything is better than bottling it up" I say holding him tight 

"Like you're one to talk" He grumbles laughing a bit 

"Bitch, I was the king at that shit, so I know how bad it is to do," I say holding the back of his head

He giggles a bit 

"Would you still love me if I got that tattoo?" he asks once he's calmed down and we're just laying next to each their 

"I think Oikawa would cry, but I'd be cool" 

"He probably would," He says sighing 

"Food?" I ask

"Yeah" 

"I think my toast can be used as hockey pucks now, so something else," I say standing up and grabbing his hand and dragging him across the apartment to the kitchen 

"Those would be some weird hockey pucks," He says 

"Shhhh......I don't know how to hockey" 

He just grumbles how to hockey under his breath as he takes a seat at our weird table that has five legs 

"Do you think we could get chairs with five legs?" I ask grabbing eggs out of our fridge that's bolted to the floor, what the fuck people. 

"I don't know," He says pulling out his phone

"Google it," I say 

"That's what I'm doing" He grumbles like it's a stupid question 

"Google me, baby, ~" I sing grabbing a pan and putting it on our stove

"Don't you start" He says a warning 

Me being me I continue 

"What's the word?" I yell sing 

"God dammit" 

"I'm the word on the street"I sing louder

"Stop!" He yells back 

I just start grinning "Ain't nobody hotter than me!!!" I say swaying my hips as I cook 

"Jesus!" 

"Brawds wish they was me~~~" I sing grabbing spices 

"My god" He grumbles

"I'm superb!" I yell at the top of my lungs

"You're a bitch!" He yells back 

"Fly like a bird!" I say making bird noises after 

"Leave" 

"16 with the baddest curves" I sing shaking my hips 

"You're not sixteen" 

I shush him "Weezy checkin' on me" I sing 

"I just wanted to google five-legged chairs," he says hitting his head on the table 

"I'm hot, hot" 

"No, you're not, not" He yells still hitting his head

"But I'm cooler than ya jewels" I sing flipping the eggs 

"Nah" He replies hitting his head harder

"I'm a big shot" 

He groans just laying his head on the table 

I smirk "Probably seen me in the nude" 

"Sadly, I have" 

I laugh "Explore a safari" 

"No, thank you" 

"You know where ya girl be" I sing again 

"No!!" he yells 

"If you wanna find me" I sing louder to block him out 

That's when our upstairs neighbors start banging on the floor to make us be quite, I jump and yell a quick sorry 

Iwaizumi just laughs his fucking heading off

"Baby you can google me" I mumble quietly putting the eggs on plates and bringing them over to the table 

"Are you happy?" he asks once he's down laughing

"Yes, startled but proud," I say 

"You surprised you knew most of the song" He says 

I give him a blank stare, "I know all the song" I say blankly because how dare he think I'd only learn the first part of the song

He puts his hands up in surrender, "Sorry, sorry." 

"You better be," I say taking a bite of my eggs

He starts eating

"So five-legged chairs?" I ask because I really want to know

"Oh, I'll check," He says grabbing his phone again 

He laughs and shows me his phone on it is the most ugly chair ever with five legs

"I love it," I say out of breath from the beauty of it 

"Me too," He says bringing his phone back over to himself

"We need one," I say 

"We do" He agrees

"Do you think Oiwaka would approve?" I ask after a moment of silence

He stares at me from over his phone "I hope" he says quietly 

We finish eating and just sit there on our phones for a while before moving into the living room with a small old tv on a create, we turn on the tv but go on our phones after a while of watching a bad game show 

When Oikawa gets back Iwaizumi jumps up and runs over to him and hugs him, I look away because it's very rare that Iwaizumi is the one to start touching someone first  
After awhile of trying not to listen to their quite conversion, they come and join me on the couch

"Sup, bitch," I say looking up from my phone to look at Oikawa, he just smiles at me for a second

"Sup, Maki-chan" He says bringing Iwaizumi closer to him who's sitting on his lap hiding his face in his neck 

I nod at Iwaizumi kinda saying what's up with him 

Oikawa takes out his phone and starts typing, I get a message from him a few seconds later

From: Bitch ass motherfucker  
He said he was sorry for everything, and that next time he won't hide it. And now he's just cuddly because he's sorry. It's happened before, but very rarely so let me have this ;)  
To: Meme dealer

 

To: Bitch ass motherfucker  
That's kinda adorable. Nah, it is. I talked to him this morning, he cried, because I pretty much told him how it was stupid and that we care about him a lot, and how it wasn't okay that he wasn't sleeping and stuff.  
From: Meme dealer

I look back up at them, and how Oikawa brings him closer to himself and whispers something to him. 

He looks back up at me and winks and starts typing again 

From: Bitch ass motherfucker  
Thank you.  
To: Meme dealer

I look up at him and shake my head at him pretty much saying how he'd do the same for me

"So, Oikawa..." I say talking again so it doesn't seem weird 

"Yeah," He say looking up at me again, he's still in his work clothes from working at the supermarket 

"One word: Five legged chairs," I say making motions with my hands

I hear Iwaizumi snort 

"That's three...But I'm listening" He replies 

"Shhhhhhhhhh...........It's the thought that counts" I whisper

"Anyway, a five leggged chair to go with our five legged table, what do you think?" I ask putting my hands on my knees and leaning forward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is also the first chapter from Makki's point of few so that's cool, tell me what you think from is point of few, personally I thought it was really fun.  
> Next chapter should have more Makki and Mattsun. Hopefully  
> The name of the song Makki's murdering is called Google me, baby by Teyani Tayor, I highly recommend it, It's horrible but the good kind
> 
> Until next time Den~


	14. Losers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm now dead.

The day of group therapy. Iwaizumi is back to normal.

Oikawa not worrying about Iwaizumi as much as before, and being annoying again.

Not that he wasn't annoying before it's just more noticeable now.

Sadly.

I don't mind though when Iwaizumi doesn't feel good, everything is kinda out of wack because he's the back bone.

He's the bass, he's also the reason me and Oikawa get along better.

We're all sitting at the fived-legged kitchen table, Oikawa talking about what he has to do before group, me listening and sometimes saying yeah. Iwaizumi still trying to wake up and just nodding his head every once and awhile.

"Do you guys have anything before?" Oikawa asks switching between looking at both of us.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhh" I grumble thinking and taking another bite of my cereal.

"I have two classes?" I say thinking out loud.

I think I do anyway.

"Yeah, you do."Iwaizumi says with his still closed and coffee cup in his hands.

"I do!" I state, louder making Iwaizumi groan, he's really not a morning person.

"Shut it asshole," He mumbles into his coffee cup.

"Awww, I miss sweet Iwaizumi," I say, trying to balance my spoon on my nose.

"I'm always sweet," He grumbles getting up going over to the coffee maker.

I gasp, "Don't lie to yourself, young man!"

"I agree with Maki, you're hardly ever sweet," Oikawa states, pouring more cereal into his bowl.

"You wanna fight?" Iwaizumi asks taking his seat again.

"That's kinda going with the thing we just said, you're just not sweet, you're salty," I state sitting up in my normal boring four-legged chair.

We need fived-legged chairs so our table doesn't look at weird, I mean there's the normal four and then there's the fifth one in the middle of the table, it's pointless.

"Nah, Iwa-chan's sweet in his own way!" Oikawa coos, holding Iwaizumi hand.

"Be gross somewhere else," I say glaring at their hands.

I don't really mind what they do, I'm just bitter.

"We're just holding hands, how is that gross?" Oikawa questions.

I glare at him a minute longer, then I break it to glare at Iwaizumi, "Just let me be bitter," I sigh.

Looking back at my bowl of soggy cereal.

"You should start trying to date again," Oikawa states, making look back up at him wide eyed.

"That didn't work out last time though! I mean Mao didn't exactly work out," I whine, thinking about my ex-girlfriend I shiver, she was something else.

"Don't talk about her! she was the one bad girlfriend," Oikawa half yells back.

"Not just the one think about Nori, he was just as bad" I state again, getting up and heading to our pink sink.

"Was Nori even human?" I hear Iwaizumi mumble under his breath.

I shake my head, walking back over to our table, and taking a seat.

"Okay, two bad ex's"

"What about-----" I start but before I can finish Oikawa has put up his hand to stop.

"It doesn't matter how bad your ex's were this is now, and I was just thinking it would be a good time to try again, I mean how long has it been?" He asks probably already knowing how long it's been he's just an asshole.

"Wasn't Mao our last year of high school?" Iwaizumi says jumping into our conversion looking more awake now.

"Maybe..." It has been an awhile, okay?

"See, it's the perfect time! Because we're in uni so nobody from high school is here, it's like started fresh!" Oikawa states standing up and leaving the kitchen before I can even answer to go get ready.

"Rude," I say sinking down in my seat.

"I just don't see the big deal,"I say out loud.

"Me either," Iwaizumi answers leaving the room as well.

I sigh again, sitting there for a few more seconds before, also leaving to go get ready for my classes.

I walk into my sad room, I turn on my bedside lamp aka the only light in my room, and go over to my closet.

I grab some black jeans and a dark blue sweater, so I don't need to wear a jacket.

I throw them on and some socks, going to our shitty livingroom, where Oikawa's sitting going through his phone, I run over jumping over the back of the couch and sitting next to him, making him jump and make a startled noise.

I just smirk and laugh a little, when he glares at me.

"What you looking at loser?" I ask laying my head on his lap and trying to look at what he doing, he just lefts higher and continues typing something.

"Fine be that way" I grumble and pout.

He just hums.

"Ouch, you're actually going to be that way," I state continuing to pout.

He just continues typing and ignoring me.

I stare at the ceiling beams.

"Did you say something?" Oikawa asks putting his phone down.

I move my glare to him.

"Makiiiii" He coos.

I ignore him.

"MAkiiiii" He coos louder.

I still ignore him, I'm not really mad, I just like bothering him.

"I didn't do anything to you," He coos again.

I hit him on the forehead, and glare at him.

"Okay, fineeee" he says trying to push me off, I grab onto his shirt.

"What are you doing?" I ask again.

"Oh," He said, and stopped trying to push me off.

"I was just texting someone from one of my courses."

"Oh," I say making an O with my mouth.

"Where's Iwaizumi?" I ask sitting up, it feels like something is missing.

"He went to work, he said that he forgot and then ran out the door, still trying to put on his shoes," Oikawa says rolling his eyes, and going back on his phone when it makes a noise.

I just nod, sitting upside down on the couch.

"Why are you so weird?" Oikawa asks making me look up at him.

I shrug.

"You'd think you'd be used to me by now."

"I don't think that will ever happen," Oikawa says grabbing the remote for our small tv.

"True," I continue to try and watch tv upside down.

It doesn't work out, I soon sit up and try and watch the boring game show he put on, he's on his phone though, so I don't get the point.

I get up a little while later, saying bye to Oikawa, deciding to leave early for my classes, grabbing my headphones on the way.

On my way out the door, I press play on my music going out into the cloudy weather, making my way to the bus stop.

I sit in the back of the bus to stay away from people, I go on my phone and start playing a game to pass time till my stop.

Listening to the Gorillaz, after a bit the game it's boring so I just look out the window, it had started to rain. It was just another gloomy spring day if that's what you want to call it.

Once at my stop, I jump out and run all the way to my history class, I'm not a history major but I enjoyed the class none the less.

When that class is done, I start making my way to my next one, but before that, I get stopped by Bokuto him just saying the class was canceled and then him running off to catch up with his friends, I say thanks, and started making my way back to the bus stop.

Seeing as I had nothing else that day, I check my phone there's one text by Iwaizumi.

From: Iwa-chan~

To: Maki-ubitch.

I can pick you up if you need a ride.

Always so straight to the point.

I reply saying yes I do need a ride, but now instead of later.

I get a reply right away

 

From: Iwa-chan~

To: Maki-ubitch.

Okay, I'll be there in five minutes.

 

I nod not bother it text anything back.

I put my phone back in my back pocket, standing by the exit out of the rain.

I see Kuroo walk out the door, cursing.

"Aww, you're that happy to see me?" I ask

He just looks over at me glaring then smirking a bit.

"Nah, I had early classes and it wasn't raining then," He says and shrugs.

"Guess you should've checked the weather," I say.

He just rolls his eyes.

He's only wearing a thin black shirt with blue jeans so he's quite underdressed.

"Shut it," He says leaning ageist the wall next to me.

"You waiting for a ride?"I ask looking over at him.

"Yeah, Bokuto said he'd go and get the car, that was ten minutes ago, " He states rolling his eyes.

"HAH, he ran by me after telling me the class was canceled. I don't know if he was going to get the car or trying to find you."

Kuroo just laughs.

"What about you?" He asks after a few seconds of watching the rain.

"I'm waiting for Iwaizumi," I said looking over at him again.

"Oh, he wasn't in English lit today," Kuroo says locking eyes with me.

"Yeah, he said he had work last minute kinda of thing,"

"Oh," He says, it goes quite again it's not a uncomfortable silence though.

Soon Iwaizumi pulls up in our ugly blue car, I wave to Kuroo, and wish him luck with Bokuto, I hop in the front seat.

Iwaizumi pulls out onto the street.

"Work didn't last long,"

"Nah, it didn't. They just wanted me to do a few things then they said I could go to class, I didn't make it though," Iwaizumi says turning on his ticker.

"Oh, okay. Fun."

"A boatload," He says sounding bored and looking bored.

After that, I just turn up the music and we don't talk for the rest of the drive back to the apartment.

When we get in Oikawa is gone by then, jump over the couch again and lay there.

Iwaizumi just walks around the couch and sits on my shins.

I glare at him.

"Rude," I say.

He just looks over at me, and then takes out his phone.

"Even ruder,"

"Why would I be nice to you?" He asks not caring and going through what ever's on his phone.

"I don't know because you love me~" I say sitting up as best I can with him still sitting on me.

"You're really rude,"

He looks at me, " Yeah" He says then goes back on his phone.

I just lay down again not really caring.

I close my eyes to try and get some sleep, I didn't get much last night because I was studying for most of it.

Later I'm being shaken awake, I'm met with Oikawa's big eyes.

"Fuck you," I mumble rolling onto my side away from him.

"Don't make me sit on you," I hear him say.

I just shrug.

"Just sit on him, we have to go."I hear a deeper voice say, Iwaizumi I'm guessing.

"Fine," He grumbles.

I sit up fast.

I turn around and glare at Oikawa.

He just smiles, then starts walking to the door to join Iwaizumi.

I get up still a little groggy.

I put my shoes, and I walk out the door behind Oikawa, I do grab my jacket this time though because we always walk to the group.

Once we're on the sidewalk Oikawa and Iwaizumi start to hold hands.

I walk behind them.

But after getting bored of that I run in between them and grab their hands and start swinging them.

"You're a loser," Iwaizumi says looking up at me, but he's smiling a bit.

"Yeah, you are," Oikawa says be he's also swinging our hands.

"Nah, I was just the third wheel now we look like a threesome,"

Iwaizumi rolls his eyes.

Oikawa just laughs.

We get there soon enough we enter still holding hands.

And we take our seats like that' we're actually not late for once so they didn't start yet.

Yahaba gives us a questioning look.

"What's with the hand holding, I'm all for it but?" Yahaba asks handing the clipboard to Kyotani who takes into one of the other rooms.

"Maki's bitter," Oikawa says before I can say anything I hit him with my hand that's joined with Iwaizumi's.

"Oww, It's true," He whines rubbing his knee where I hit him.

"Well, yes. But that's besides the point! They were holding hands and I felt like a third wheel so I took their hands so we looked like a poly relationship."

"Oh, are you guys though?" He asks sitting down in the circle.

I shake my head, I'm not ageist it or anything. I just can't see them that way.

"No, we're not,it's platonic,"Iwaizumi says cutting in. Saying exactly what I was thinking.

Kyotani comes back into the room taking a seat by Yahaba and goes on his phone.

"Oh, that's sweet," Yahaba says taking Kyotani's hand.

Kyotani's kinda weird, I don't really understand how they're relationship works because Kyotani rarely talks, he only talks here when Yahaba tells him too, I do know he does have anxiety but still It's just different.

I guess he could be more chatty when they're alone though. But I just don't see it.

"I know right~" Oikawa says winking, I hit him again.

"What did I do?" He asks loudly.

"Nothing, sometimes your face just bothers me," I say standing up and going over to where they have water.

I grab a cup of water then I walk back over to the circle and take my seat between Oikawa and Iwaizumi again.

Kyotani and Yahaba are talking and so are Oikawa and Iwaizumi, so I pull out my phone and go through my Instagram feed, it's all memes and selfies.

Boring.

Soon Killgen and Camden show up, followed by the guy named Suga with the white hair and Matsukawa.

Matsukawa still doesn't talk much, this week I do notice he has a cane though, I can remember if he had that last week or if it's new.

It still looks new because he seems awkward with it and he's not putting enough weight on it, it seems.

They're always the one's who are always here first.

Suga hugs Yahaba and try's to hug Kyotani, it takes a few seconds before Kyotani does stand up and hugs him awkwardly.

"Okay, let's get this started because Seth and Cya can't make it due to being nerds," Yahaba says.

"Not really, they said that they are both studying for exams," Yahaba continues.

"Should we still interduce ourselves our should we just get on with the how your week was thing, and then we'll do some trust exercises because I'm a demon,"

"You are a demon," I hear Kyotani mumble.

"I mean we already know all each their so why not," Killgen says.

"Sounds good,"

"Oikawa you start," Yahaba says looking over at him.

"Okaaayyy, this week has been boring it's just been working and study and classes," He says in one breath, sinking down in his seat.

"Same," Camden says from her seat on killgen.

"Hanamaki?" Yahaba says looking over at me to continue.

"Pretty much the same as Oikawa but I got a nap," I say putting my feet up on Oikawa and learning aginst Iwaizumi.

"That explains your hair," Killgen states pointing at my hair and laughing a bit.

"Yeah" I say not even bothered to fix it, I know I look great.

Aka I'm going to fix it when she's not looking anymore.

Yahaba just giggles, I glare at him.

"Iwaizumi," Yahaba says looking behind me.

"Yeah, I'm fine I guess I've been doing better since last week, I had to work today and skip my classes, my boss is an idiot." Iwaizumi say grumbling the last part.

"Was it a test?" Suga asks.

"No, I just don't like skipping, and my boss really is an idiot."

"Iwaizumi you a nerd, honey," I say leaning back at him so I can see his face.

I lean too far back and instead I'm lay across Iwaizumi's lap and looking upside down at Matsukawa, he has nice eyes, most of the time you can't tell because of his stupid glasses.

I sit up and continue leaning against Iwaizumi, so I don't freak Matsukawa.

"Sure," Iwaizumi says glaring at me.

"Matsukawa you don't have to if you don't want too," Yahaba states looking across at him.

I don't look over at him hoping he'll maybe say something, this time.

But he doesn't again.

"Suga you can go if you want too," Yahaba says after a few seconds.

"Sure, I've just been working and helping out Issei here as whenever I can," Suga says, I do look over at him he's smiling a bit.

"That's good." Yahaba says smiling over at both of them. " Now, is Camden or Killgen going first?" He asks, seeing as Camden is sitting on Killgen.

"Kil can go first," Camden says hiding her face in her girlfriend's neck.

Everyone is so lovey-dovey here.

"Okay, I and Camden are all moved in now, our cats a crazy, but they're good." Killgen says, running her hand through Camden's hair.

"That's great!" Yahaba says.

"Yess," Killgen repiles.

"Camden~"Killgen coos.

"Finee." She says lifting her head up, "My week has been fine, but I didn't get a nap,"She states laying her head back down on Killgen's shoulder.

I stick my tongue out at her.

"Shut it, Hanamaki," She says flipping me off.

"I didn't say anything~" I reply.

She just flips me off again.

I just ignore her.

"Kyotani your turn," Yahaba says looking over at his boyfriend.

"I actually have to go right now," He says standing up and letting go of his hand.

I look behind me there's a car pulled up in the front.

"Bye," He says before he leaves the circle and goes out the door.

"Well, that was his brother," Yahaba says.

"My turn. My week has been the same it's been than last week as well because my mother has left. That's about it and work,"

"Wow, boring," Camden says but she's smiling sleepily.

"Okay, for the trust exercises, Camden has to run around the building ten times," Yahaba says standing up.

Camden gasps loudly.

"How dare," She says putting her hand over her heart.

"Okay, but actually what we will be doing is going for walks in groups of two, and you have to be with people you don't normally talk to," Yahaba says putting his jacket on that was on the back of his chair.

"But Yahaba I want to sleep and it's was raining earlier!" Camden whines.

"You'll be fine, and the rain stopped a long time ago," Yahaba states.

"Now, Suga you're with me because you never actually talk to me out of group,"

"Aw, but that was my plan all along" Suga says joking, but still standing up and walking over to him.

"Iwaizumi!" Killgen whines making grabby hands at him.

Iwaizumi looks over at Oikawa seriously, "I'm leaving you for Killgen," Iwaizumi in the most serious voice.

Oikawa pouts.

Camden soon comes over and sits on Oikawa's lap, and looks into his eyes for a long while then whispers, " You shall carry me,"

Oikawa laughs, "Iwa-chan it looks like I'm leaving you for Camden,"

Iwaizumi just rolls his eyes where Killgen has put her arms around his shoulders.

"I'm just going to move over here, because this is getting weird for me," I say, moving over two seats so I'm sitting beside Matsukawa.

"Hello~" I say not looking over at him, looking at Iwaizumi who's getting a piggy back ride from Killgen.

"--Hi" I hear him stutter out beside me.

"I think we're stuck together," I said looking over at him he's looking at his hands.

"It seems that way," He says not looking up.

"Shall we go?" Yahaba asks we all nod or says yeah.

We're soon all out on the street, I finish zipping up my coat, it's still cloudy out but it's looking better than this afternoon.

"Okay so, Killgen and Iwaizumi you can go across the street, and we'll meet back up here in an hour okay?" Yahaba asks looking at them.

"Yes,"Killgen says jumping on Iwaizumi's back.

"Okay," Iwaizumi says trying to make sure she doesn't fall off.

"Okay, so we have these papers with questions if you can't think of anything to talk about, mainly we just want you guys to get to know each their then when we all get back, we'll tell each their one fact we learned about the other, sound good?" Yahaba asks

We all nod.

"Great, Iwaizumi Killgen get going."

"Woot, off we go my great steed!" Killgen says pointing over Iwaizumi shoulder to the crosswalk.

"Okay, bye" Iwaizumi says before he runs across the crosswalk getting weird looks from the people in the cars.

"Be safe!" Yahaba yells after them.

"He may actually leave you for Killgen," I say leaning over to Oikawa where he's standing next to me.

He looks up at me and shakes his head, "Nah, he's too gay," He says knowingly.

"HAH" stand up straight again.

"Okay, Camden and Oikawa you'll go that way, and here's your sheet, be back in an hour," Yahaba says pointing the to the right, and handing the paper to Camden.

"Thank you," Camden says bowing, and walking off with Oikawa.

"Try not to get lost, and if anything happens you guys have my number!" Yahaba yells after them.

"Thanks, Dad!"Oikawa yells over his shoulder.

"No problem, son!"He yells back without missing a beat.

"Okay, now Hanamaki. " Yahaba says coming closer to me, Matsukawa's talking to Suga.

"This is going to be more of a challenge for you, I hate to say it but it's true if he shows any form of anxiety, call me. Because I'm guessing you don't know how to deal with panic attacks at his level. " Yahaba says stopping little ways from me.

He hands me a sheet.

"Has he ever had a panic attack here though?" I ask.

"He hasn't here, but that's because he's close with Suga. Normally I wouldn't even let it be a thought, I'd just make him go with Suga but you have a calmness to you. But if he starts freaking out call me and we'll come get you, also don't push too much for questions." Yahaba says looking me in the eyes intensely.

I nod my head. "Yeah, I got you. Thanks for trusting me."

"No problem, nerd." He says ruffling my hair.

I've known Yahaba from some time he's kinda like an older brother even though we're like almost the same age.

He helped a lot though when I needed it.

"Okay, Matsukawa come over here." Yahaba says calling over to them.

Matsukawa walks over limping on his cane.

"Okay, so you'll be going that way,cross walk" Yahaba says pointing the same way as Iwaizumi and Killgen took but we're not going acrosswalk the crosswalk.

"And try to go for an hour take a break if your leg is too bad."

"I'm guessing you guys are staying here," I say looking around seeing as there no other way.  
"No, we won't we're going across the cross walk and contuing streight, where as they turned left." Yahaba says looking down at his paper again.

"Okay, we'll all met up in an hour, bye!" Yahaba says.

Suga whispers something to Matsukawa, and turns and runs after Yahaba.

"Let's go," I say turning right and contueing too.

Matsukawa catches up soon.

It's quite for a mintue.

"So, how's life," I say trying to start a conviersion without the damn paper because bitch, I am my own human.

"Bet--better," He stutters.

Soon adding "You?"

"Fine, boring but fine," I reply looking over at him he's just looking at the ground.

I soon look forward.

"I got a game, okay? I'll ask you a qustion and you'll ask me one, you can say the same one I ask though, because if you couldn't we'd run out of qustions too soon."

"Son---Sounds good,"

"Okay, me first. hmmmmmm...What was your nickname when you were a kid?" I ask looking at him from the conner of my eye.

"Hmmmm....my mom used to call me Catapiller," he says with a hint of laughter in his voice.

"Because your eyebrows."

He just nods.

Best nickname ever.

"What---What's your favoutie colour?" He asks after a few seconds.

"Pink hents the hair," I say pointing at me hair that's problem still sticking up everywhere.

"Wow---wow that was a dumb qusition" he mumbles.

"Nah, my favouite colour used to be blue because I thought it was manly, my hair was still pink then though." I say shruging.

He nods.

"Okaayy, ummm.....have you ever thought about getting a pieceing?" I ask because I honstly think he'd look good with a lip ring or something.

He looks up at me, not in the eyes but it's better then him staring at the ground. "When I was younger I did," He said looking back at the ground.

"Cool, cool."

"Ummmm----Did---you--enjoy high--school?" He asks.

I shake my head, "Some of it was okay, but a lot of it was shitty, I did have Oikawa and Iwaizumi though so they made it a little less shitty,"

He nods again.

"You don't have to answer this one if you don't want to but what was it like?" I ask, he really doesn't need to answer this but I think it would help him to talk to someone other then Suga and his mom, and I'm kinda interested.

He looks up at me for a second then nods, because he probably knows what I'm talking about.

It's quite for a few more seconds I almost ask him another qustion but that's when he answers.

"In short it was hell." He says quitely still looking down.

I nod "Sorry for asking,"

"No--no it's--fine." He stutters.

"Okay, your turn," I say to try and lighten the mood that I so gracly murdered.

"Hmmm....What kind of music do you--like" He mutters.

"I like altturntive, and some rock. I'll sometimes learn all the lyrics to pop songs thought to bother my roommates," I answer proudly.

Matsukawa laughs a little under his breath.

"Here's a weird one, what would you like you tombstone say?" I ask looking over at him, I'd like to make him laugh more.

"Hmmmm....Lol, bye, mom."

I stare at him again, did he just meme?

"Wow," I gasp.

He looks up at me again, this time having little smile on his face but it drops right after and he's back to looking at his feet.

"Favouite---food?"He asks after a while.

"Creampuffs, like, is that you god?" I reply putting my hands in my jacket pockets.

"I don't think I've ever had them... Or if I had it was before,"

"Gasp, you poor thing." I say gasping loudly and putting my hand over my heart.

He looks up at me again, "Sorry?"

I contue to look at him before he looks down again.

There are more people walking down the sidewalk, so I move behind him for a moment still trying to understand how he has never had creampuffs before.

I soon fall into step beside him again still shocked.

"Did--did I break you?" He asks.

"A little," I state, putting my hands back in my pockets.

"Okay, my turn again," I say trying to think of something, "Hmmm...Favouite book?" I ask trying to think of something interesting to ask.

"I--I don't have one," he manges to get out after some sturrgle.

"How come?" I ask, maybe he just doesn't read.

"I----can't pick one," He stutters.

I nod in understanding there are a lot of great books.

"I--If yo--you could go--back in time, and you could --only change one thing what would you change?" He asks quitely.

"I would go back to my last year of high school and I would make sure I wouldn't date this girl named Mao," I answer still kinda stuck on the thing from earlier today.

"How come?" He asks.

"Just didn't work out between us, and she was bitch to my friends," I answer honestly.

"Oh"

"Yeah,"

We soon start walking back, we just mostly goof around asking stupid qustions when we run out of good one's.

It was pretty great.

We get there after Killgen and Iwaizumi, Iwaizumi sitting on the curb next to Killgen.

"Losers" I greet once we're in ear shot to them.

"Noob" Iwaizumi greets with a nod of his head.

Soon Oikawa and Camden are in sight.

Killgen stands up and runs towards Camden all movie like style.

Camden gets the hint right away, and they soon met in the middle with Killgen picking Camden up and spining her.

"My love oh how I missed you" Killgen states placing a dizzy looking Camden on the ground.

"Oh my dear," Camden replies caresing her face.

"Sup, bitch," Iwaizumi says when Oikawa sits next to him.

Two different copules in their naturl habbtat.

"And we see two different coplus in their natual habiat," I whisper to Matsukawa.

He laughs a bit quitly.

I grin.

"Anything crazy happen?"I ask Oikawa because he's looking at me weird.

"Yeah, a bit Camden cilmed a tree to become one with the sqearls." He reples looking down at his now dirty shoes.

"I had to catch her," he contues looking up at me agian.

"It's not my fault the tree was out to get me," Camden chimes in.

"How can a tree be out to get you?" Iwaizumi asks.

"That's what I was going to say," Killgen says looking down at her small girlfriend.

"It just can, okay?!" She half yells throwing her hands up.

"Calm down, Camden."Killgen says patting her head.

Camden just glares up at her.

Soon Suga and Yahaba join us and we all fill back into the room taking our seats again, but with the our partners we went on the walks with.

"Okay, Killgen and Iwaizumi you go first." Yahaba says once he has water and his sitting down next to Suga.

"Alright, I learned that Iwaizumi here had band when he was in middle school that sucked." Killgen says, making Iwaizumi sigh and sink down in his seat.

"Of course you went with the worse one. I learned that Killgen used to love pitbull in high school,"

"Mister world wide," Killgen mutters under her breath also sinking down in her seat.

"Ahhh, Kil you never told me that!" Camden half yells across the room at her girlfriend.

"Camden, I'm glad you didn't know that, it was in first year, it was a dark time, I also had a boyfriend at the time," Killgen says sivering at the memory.

"HAh, okay. you're forgiven," Camden replies.

"Okay, next Oikawa and Camden,"

"I learned that Camden is sercetly and sqeaul. No, I learned that Camden has never seen a movie all the way through because she always falls asleep."

"It's true they're all so damn long, and sleeping is my second girlfriend, don't tell Killgen," She says whisper the last bit.

"You think I don't know that?" Killgen asks her.

"Shhhhh"

"Okay, I learned that Iwaizumi was Oikawa's first friend and the reason why he's not as shy as he was, and he can grab people when they fall from trees that are plotting to kill you," Camden states putting her feet up on Oikawa's lap.

"Great, please don't fall out of anymore trees on my watch," Yahaba asks.

"Will do, Dad" Camden says slauting.

"Please don't start calling me dad," Yahaba says not looking up from his chilpboard.

"Okay, Dad," Camden says pouting.

Yahaba glares at her, soon looking over at me and Matsukawa, " Hannamaki and Matsukawa, "

"Cool, I learned that Matsukawa was called catapiller as a small child and you shouldn't throw his cane at trees," I say nodding.

We through his cane at a tree and it ended up gettting stuck, I had to chilm it and get in down I didn't fall though.

What is with this group of people and trees?

"I'm glad you learned that you shoudln't throw his cane in a tree. " Yahaba says.

"Me too" I reply.

"Matsukawa," Yahaba says looking up from his chilpboard to look at him.

"I--I--I learned----That---Hanamaki----Hanamaki's---Favoutie colour is pink---" He stutters out quitely.

"Okay, good job everyone. Suga?" He asks looking over at him.

"Oh, Ummmm....I learned that Yahaba is still a loser," Suga says with a blank face.

"Wow, and to think I was going to say something nice about you," Yahaba replies looking over at Suga.

"Fine, I'll be nice. I learned that Yahaba is a lot like his father who used to run this, and I'm glad he contue even after he passed," Suga says smiling warmly.

Yahaba just pats his head, " I learned that he's still really short. I learned that Suga is still just as strong as he was when he used to come here, and he was fighting agesit his drug addtion," Yahaba says looking over at Suga thoughtfully.

Suga hugs him.

I look away feeling like I just walked into something I shouldn't be seeing.

Soon we're all standing by the front door and saying goodbye to everyone, I silp away from Iwaizumi and Oikawa to stand next to Matsukawa to talk to him.

"We should hang out again," I say looking up at him a little.

He looks down at me then the ground.

"Ye--yeah." He stutters out blushing a bit.

Cute.

"See you next week, we'll figure something out next time," I say as Oikawa waves me over.

"Y--yeah, bye," He mutters.

I give him one last smile before I head out the door after Iwaizumi.

Once we've been walking for awhile.

I look over at Iwaizumi. "So, a band. What did you sing?" I ask teasing him a little.

He glares up at me, "None of your business." He grumbles.

"Hmmm...Britney Spears?"I ask looking down at him and rubbing my chin.

He just glares at me before mutter you better fucking run bitch.

I run off as fast as I can, hearing him yelling behind me.

"Was it Rick astley?" I yell over my shoulder.

"What the fuck!?" I hear him yell.

"Don't let him run he's wearing his binder!" I hear Oikawa yell.

Oh shit, I turn around and grab him once he runs into me.

"Idiot, why would you case me?" I ask.

"Because,"

Oikawa catches up to us.

"Listen to me more, I was yelling at you for like a mintue."

"Are you okay?" I ask Iwaizumi.

"Yeah," He says looking up at me still trying to catch his breath.

"Okay, let me give you a peggy back ride the rest of the way," Oikawa says neeling.

"No, asshole. You knee," He says rolling his eyes.

"Jump on, " I say turning around.

Once we're finely back and I drop Iwaizumi on the couch.

I go have a shower, then grab something to eat.

After I'm done my banana, I go into the living room and see Oikawa passed out on an almost asleep Iwaizumi running his hand through Oikawa's hair.

"Shouldn't you head to your room?" I whisper to him.

Iwaizumi just shakes his head.

I nod, I go into our small closet and grab them and blanket then cover them up.

"Night, love ya" I whisper to Iwaizumi.

He nods " Love ya" He whispes closing his eyes.

I leave the room smiling and lay down in my bed, turning off my shitty light and laying there for awhile just thinking sometimes about classes I have to study for and how I have to cook tommrow night, and stuff like that, I also think about Matsukawa I really like being around him, he's cute, and seems nice, and he's been through a lot. He just needs a friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hoped you enjoyed and hopefully, I'll post again soon, I'm going to go to sleep now because it's three am. 
> 
> Let me now if there are any grammar/spelling problems and I'll fix them! 
> 
> Thanks for reading and until next time Den~


	15. A step forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter next one should be longer though!

Laying in bed just staring at the fuzzy ceiling thinking, and not thinking.

It's early afternoon, three days ago was the group.

I'm still kinda thinking of Hanamaki and how he said he wanted to get together for something, I don't really understand though, I told Suga about it, he said it was good for me, but take it slow whatever that means.

I haven't told my mother yet, I just don't know how to bring it up and she's been working most of the time lately now that I can kinda take care of myself more.

It's good, but she's still not taking enough time for herself it feels.

Suga isn't coming over today, my mom is at work till late.

So today, I really have nothing to do.

I could go out to the living room and watch tv, but all we have is the news and lame tv.

I could find something to do on my phone, but I don't want to.

I'm not scared of it, I just don't want it near me.

Some people will probably say I'm scared of it, like Suga even though I always have it on me for some reason.

I only ever use it as a clock though, because I don't talk to anyone ever on there.

I never liked talking on the phone much though, I mostly texted.

Texting worked though, I didn't talk much and it was away to talk to people.

Some days I didn't even talk to my mom in person I'd just messaged her then leave to go to the library or something.

Before I blocked out most of my past, now I just couldn't care enough, and Suga said it was good to remember somethings.

A timer went off some enough making me jump I checked my phone, and it just said eat.

I turned off the timer and got up going into the kitchen to get anything.

I grab some bread and went to the living room to stare at the wall in there.

At least I get time alone before I was always with someone.

My mother said that she still did want someone with me at all times.

She said it would just make her feel better.

Even though I wouldn't be going anywhere, anyway.

It made some sense to me, I mean I always forgot my glasses and cane.

Speaking of those I have neither of them, no wonder everything looks weird.

I don't get up to get my glasses though.

I finish eating my very sad breakfast in an hour.

What is sad. I soon get up though and just lay on the floor.

I did fall, but we're not going to talk about that.

I stare at the ceiling.

"This is boring," I mumble to myself.

I get up a little while later and stumble through the house to my room to grab my glasses and cane.

I feel like an old person.

Hot right.

Nah.

I go back out to the living room.

I sit on the couch for a while, before there's a knock on the door, I jump a bit.

I go over and open the door, to be met with Suga on the other side, talking on the phone.

I raise my eyebrow at him.

He soon hangs up, then he smiles at me.

"I thought you worked today," I mumble as I leave the door open and go back over to my seat.

"I do, " He says coming in and closing the door behind him.

"So why are you here?" I asked laying my cane on the ground and kicking it with my good leg away from me.

Suga picks the cane up and leans on it, thinking.

"Ummm...So Hanamaki got in contact with me,"

I just stare at him, dumbfounded. I didn't think he'd actually reach out to us.

"I know. He said he'd liked to hang out tomorrow," He finishes after a few seconds of silence.

"What,"

"Yeah, don't act so surprised you're great," Suga states.

I shake my head.

"--How--How'd he even get in contact with you?" I ask once I can talk again.

"He comes to my workplace because his therapist works there, he got me today when I was going for lunch, he said he would have preferred to talk to you personally about it, but he couldn't find you anywhere online, and I said that makes sense because you hate it," I just nod along, trying to take everything in.

Tomorrow though? That's really soon.

"He said if tomorrow doesn't work for you then he could figure out another date, tomorrow's just his free day, and Iwaizumi and Oikawa are going on date, so he'll be all alone," Suga says laughing a bit.

I just nod, not really knowing what to say still.

"I, of course, said you weren't doing anything because tomorrow's my day with you so it's all good,"

"---Do--Do you think --I--I could really do something like that?" I stutter.

"It's up to you but I think you're ready, but I do have to go soon so," He says putting the cane against the couch, but not sitting down just standing there for a second smiling at me.

"If you think you're not ready then don't do it, but I don't have to get back to him today,"

"---I---I'll try--"

"Good, because I already said yes, and told him where to meet you, don't glare at me, you need to get out more. I do have to go though," Suga says opening the door again.

I just continue to glare at him, but I just don't know what to say so it's my default.

"Bye~"Suga says closing the door with a laugh when he still sees me glaring at him.

I just stare at the wall some more, when my mother gets home she just looks at me a second then goes to get changed and start cooking.

I just stare at the blankly at the tv.

Soon my mother comes back into the room looking tired, she waves a hand in front of my face, I soon focused on her.

She smiles a little, "Hey, Caterpillar, come help me in the kitchen will ya?"

I nod, standing up and grabbing my cane and following her into the kitchen.

I take a seat at our small table.

"How are you? you haven't said anything since I've been home," she says putting a cutting board and knife in front of me, then some carrots.

 

"I---I'm fine,"

"You don't seem fine, "she says starting the rice.

"Well, Su--Suga came over today--to,"

"I thought he worked today?"

"He does, but one of the guys from the group therapy asked if we could meet up tomr--row and Suga came over to tell me," I stutter.

She stops and turns around to stare at me, I look anywhere but her.

"You made a friend?" She asks quietly.

"Kind of," I mumble.

I'm not really sure for myself.

"Well, I think that's good none the less. it's good for you to see people even just in small meet ups. " She said giving me another smile before turning back around.

"Yeah,"


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me days which is sad seeing as this isn't even that long, but I will update soonish. Well, hopefully.   
> I'm still not sure how this will end but it probably will soon because I want to start working on other things and my other fanfiction wasn't updated for over a month so that needs to end as well.   
> But if you're interested in reading some of my other work, I have a wattpad called Caedence666, if wattpad is just better for you I also have my Faceyenemypanda account with both my fanfictions on.

Standing in the bathroom staring at myself in the mirror.

I could look worse I guess, not that it really matters.

I'm just wearing black jeans and sweater, boring, but me.

Today I and Hanamaki are going out together I'm still not sure how I feel about it I'm nervous but that's pretty normal for me.

My mother kept reassuring me before she left for work but it didn't really change anything.

I still feel the same way as before she said anything.

Suga said he would come over and talk to me before and walk me to where we're meeting up because I honestly don't have any idea where we're meeting up.

Suga said it was some place Hanamaki knows and that he can walk there.

He should be here in the next few minutes.

I have my cane, glasses, and wallet.

I'm ready, not mentally but it's better than nothing I guess.

Suga shows up a few seconds after I exited the bathroom, letting himself in.

"Ready for your date?" He asks wiggling his eyebrows at me, not bothering to take his shoes off.

I shake my head, because it's not a date, and I don't have my shoes on yet.

"You look half asleep," Suga says when I'm trying to put on my shoes, I have to sit down to put them on.

It's quite sad.

"Maybe, it's because an idiot told me I'm going to be socializing today," I said, standing up, I should get velcro shoes.

"Maybe," Suga says holding the door open for me.

We walk out Suga in front of me because I have no clue where we're going.

"How's the cane?" he asks after awhile.

"Fine, it--it's annoying though,"

"I bet it is,"

It's silent for a few minutes, Suga was trying to talk about something so it's my turn to bring up the conversion topic now.

"Hmmm, how--how are you?" I ask.

He looks over at me and smiles.

"I'm good, and you?"

"Okay,"

"You nervous?"

I just nod.

We continue walking in silence this time I don't say anything because I don't feel like talking, I need to save some of it up for talking to Hanamaki and stuff I guess, and there's nothing really else to say.

We walk a while longer before we're standing outside a little cafe and bookstore thing? I'm not even sure what it is.

We walk in and it's very quiet and there aren't many people here, so that's good.

There are lines if bookshelves and corners with chairs and a couch in the very back along with the counter where you pay for your books and drinks.

No sign of Hanamaki.

"He should be here soon, he works here and is getting off in a few minutes. Why don't you take a seat and I'll go." Suga states checking his watch.

I nod.

"Bye," he says out the door again making the chime go off.

I take a seat by the front of the window, keeping my back to it.

I like it here, it's calm.

I go on my phone just to seem like I'm doing something, my cane leaning against my leg.

I try not to tap my feet because I'm anxious and I'll drop my cane and that would make people look over here, and I'm not okay with that.

someone clears their trout, I jump and look up, Hanamaki is standing there grinning at me.

He's wearing a light green sweater with black jeans.

"Let's leave this hell,"

I just nod, even though I thought it was nice here.

I stand up and we walk out of the shop with just mumbling under his breath about a bad customer.

"So, what would you like to do?"

I shrug my shoulders.

"Oh yeah, it takes you awhile before you can talk."

I nod, I mean I guess that's true, in some sense anyway.

"I thought we could just walk around unless your leg is bothering you," Hanamaki says when we're stopped at a crosswalk, looking me up and down.

"I--I thin--think I'll be okay for a little while,"

He nods, the light goes and we walk.

"Just let me know if it starts bothering you, and we'll stop."

I nod my head.

This is weird this isn't something I remember from before, I never had anyone to talk to until Him.

And it's good but I'm also scared. But in a good way, I think...

"Oikawa was going to come today but I told him not to because I didn't want to scare you off with too many people." He says with a sigh.

I'm probably boring him.

"At least then you would've had someone to talk to," I mumble under my breath so he can't hear me.

"Sorry didn't catch that, lets, library" He says looking up at me.  
I shake my head in don't worry about it.

"Anyway, I'm actually cold, let's go into this library."

I nod my head.

I'm glad we stop my leg is worse today.

Hanmaki's point of few.

We climb up the few stairs in library him having a little trouble on the first stair, I offered my hand but he shook his head.

He's probably not good with me touching him yet.

I said I was cold so we could get him off his leg because he's limping more than normal.

I wouldn't have minded staying outside it's nice out, but it's the best thing I could think of, seeing as it's still spring, it works.

Once we're inside, I take us to the very back of the library to a quieter corner, I pull out a chair for him at a small table so his back is facing the wall.

He nods in thanks and takes a seat.

I take a seat on the other side of a small table with four chairs.

It's nice and quite and it doesn't feel awkward.

I look over at Matsukawa he lets out a big sigh and relaxes a bit, which is good, he had looked tense since at the coffee shop, but then again he normally looks like that it's better when Suga is there though.

"Do you like it at the group?" I ask looking over at him, his eyes are closed as soon as he hears me though he snaps them open again.

Nods his head "It--it's good but I still can--can't talk."

"Don't worry about not being able to share, I didn't share for my first few either. sometimes it's just nice to listen."

"And plus it's something you can work towards, I mean your stutter is a bit better,"

He nods his head again,"I guess so, but--but some--sometimes it doesn't feel like I'm the--there. my doctor said--said the stutter is probably going to be there--forever,"

He's still talking for quietly when went for our walk the other day I sorta got him to open up a bit, he was actually smiling and laughing a bit, he should do that more.

"How does your doctor know that?" I asked raising an eyebrow.

He locks eyes with me for a second but then looks back down at his hands almost right away.

He shakes his head and stutters out an I don't know.

He's rubbing at his knee now I can't tell if it's something to do with anxiety or if his leg is bothering him.

"Is your leg okay?" I ask.

He shakes his head and stands up whisper an I'll be right back.

I nod, not knowing what to say I'm worried but I don't want to overwhelm him too much.

I sit there for ten minutes before I stand up, grabbing his cane and going to the men's washroom.

I open the door, he's in the corner right in front of the door.

I lock the bathroom door, once I'm sure nobody else is in here, I'm not really sure why there's a lock on the door anyway, but it will work for now.

Matsukawa is hiding his face in his knees, I squat down so I'm face to knees with him.

"Is it something I said?" I ask quietly.

He jumps and shakes his head no.

"Are you okay?"

He shakes his head no again.

I nod along trying to think of something else I could ask.

"Ummm.."I mumble thinking out loud," do you want me to call Suga?" I ask I sit down and lean against the door.

He shakes his head again and mumbles something.

"What was that?"

Looks up at me his eyes are red but he's not crying anymore.

"I---I ca--can do this." he says again.

I nod again, he's too strong.

I stand up and sit beside him,"You forgot this,"I say playing with the handle of his cane.

"I was a little busy,"

I laugh a bit but nod again.

My laugh scares him a bit but once he's calm down again he looks up at me where his heads resting on his knees and gives me a small smile.

There it is.

Wrong place for that smile but it's sweet.

Once he's completely calm again we walk back out to where we were sitting, him still limping badly.

Once we're seated again, I take out the chair closest to him and put it so it's facing him and gesture at his leg.

He just kinda stares at me for a second but listens.

I don't sit down though I wonder the section of books we're by and find something that's kinda interesting and sit down next to him again, it's a joke a bad one, well from what I read anyway.

I start reading to him at first he just stares at me and raises an eyebrow but soon I have giggle a little and smiling some.

Which is amazing.

after a while of reading my throat feels sore-ish so we stop.

It's quite for a bit.

Matsukawa speaks up though, " Why'd you start going to the group?" he asks quietly looking at his feet.

I look at him questioningly for a moment before he continues.

"You know why I'm there, I don't know why you're there."

I nod in understanding finally getting why the sudden question also the first one of this afternoon.

"You---you --don't--don't have --to-- to tell me if--if you--you don't want to tho--though" he quickly adds.

I shake my head,"Nah, it's only fair, I'm just thinking of a way to explain it. "

He nods his head stutter out a take your time.

It takes me a few minutes but I think I know how to explain it."Well, it's always been me and my dad but when I was sixteen I ran away from home because I didn't know how to tell my dad I was pansexual I thought he would take it bad so I ran, and after that I have been on my own since then of course Oikawa and Iwaizumi were there but I was in too dark of a place to get that they cared. But I saw an ad at school about the group. So I went, and I fell in love with the people. And got Iwaizumi and Oikawa to go after a year of begging." I say the ending with a little laugh.

It's quite again for a bit afterward, it makes me a little nervose, I've never really told anyone the reason I left, but I assumed he wouldn't care if I was pan because of everything he went through.

He shakes his head a bit then looks over at me or the wall behind me.

"Did you ever talk to your father again?" he asks.

I shake my head no, "No, I made it to the door last year but ran away before he got to the door, I know he's okay though."

He nods his head, "One day,"

I nod, one day maybe, I'm still scared.

We don't say anything for ten minutes.

I soon break it though, "How'd your dad react?" I ask. I'm just wondering he doesn't need to answer though, I meet his eye or try to he just stares somewhere behind me. then looks at his hands' emotions running across his eyes.

"I don't know, I never met him. My mother remarries a lot, my third stepfather hit me when he saw me holding hands with a boy, in middle school. And the rest of my stepfather were never around long enough or just didn't care for me." he says it all quietly, I do hear it all though.

He's been through so much for being only eighteen.

"I'm sorry," I said, looking at the side of his face.

He just shakes it off and looks over at me for a second before going back to his hands.

"Let's go get something to drink before I die," I say trying to lighten the mood.

He just nods and we stand up.

We walk to the door and once we're on the top step Matsukawa has a staring match with the first stair. I kinda just giggle a bit.

Then he turns his glare on me, I put my hands up in surrender.

He just shakes his head again smiling a bit.

He goes for the first step but he almost slips so me being an idiot grabs his elbow to try and steady him.

He doesn't fall, but I don't let go right away so, he just stares up at me, in fear and every other emotion it seems.

Before I let go "I'm so sorry," I say quickly jumping down the step so I'm on the sidewalk.

His eyes are still wide behind his glasses.

"Are you okay?" I say frantically.

He shakes his head again, walks down the rest of the steps.

"I'mfine." he says rushing his words.

"Are you sure?" I keep messing this up and I really thought I was getting somewhere.

"Yeah, that was just weird,easly" he says walking a bit down the sidewalk.  
"It was what?" I ask running after him to catch up, for a man who has a cane he sure can walk fast when he wants to.

I fall into step beside him.

"Yeah, I don't normally let people touch me,"

"and?"

"I don't know it was fine I guess, I mean I bruise easily so my mom may hate you," he says smirking a bit at me.

"Did you just smirk,"

He stops and just stares at me for a second, "Maybe," he says slyly.

Wow, he's being a little sassy totally different from the bathroom.

"Wow, rude," I say putting my hand on my heart a dramatically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I love you all, I'm not that great of a writer yet but I'm so happy whenever I see someone has commented or liked it, honestly makes my day! I haven't been in the best of moods lately because I found out I have an anxiety disorder and my depression has been bad, and I broke up with my girlfriend almost a week ago, we only dated for a little over a week but and it's all my fault why we broke up, so I feel shitty, but you guys are the best and I'm excited to start something new soon! and ahhhhh anyway enough about me that's gross. 
> 
> -Fancyenemypanda.   
> Find me on Tumblr under the same name.   
> Until next time!


	17. Running away, again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People always ask me what I write, and my answer is always the same just "I don't know" I do in fact know, I just don't know how to fucking explain that fictional characters have ruined my fucking life. 
> 
> Anywho, thank you to the person who commented the other day that was so sweet!
> 
> Sorry, if this seems kinda rushed I just wanted to post something soon before life gets in the way again.   
> I can't believe I've been writing this for six months, I'm so proud of myself for finally posting one of the things I wrote, but honestly, I still can't believe it. 
> 
> This is short but I hope you enjoy.

I'm proud of myself, here I am sitting at Matsukawa's house we're just chilling on the couch making stupid jokes and giving commentary to a documentary.

We've only been hanging out for a little less than two weeks.

It's nice, I can see how much he's opened up to me.

He even came to our house he didn't last long, he almost had a panic attack but I got him out, before.

Tonight was group, he still said his name without stuttering and most people heard him.

Now he's almost asleep beside me.

He'll laugh at the ducks on the screen every little while, I just stare at the ceiling, listening to he'll laugh every little while.

Iwaizumi and Oikawa say that I don't spend enough time with them now, which is not true because we live together and I see them every day, I sometimes even hung out with Suga when it's his day with Matsukawa, it was a little weird at first but it's nice now to be around the two of them.

Today I have been feeling a bit down, I thought I saw my dad in a store today and totally freaked out surprisingly, Matsukawa is very good at comforting me, he just sat beside me and told me jokes, and random stuff about ducks.

I think he watches too many things about ducks though, but then again he has too much time on his hands as well.

"You okay?" He asks out of nowhere, I turn my head where it's leaning against the back of the couch.

He's still looking at the tv screen but I can tell he's focusing on me as well, it's bit weird.

"Yeah, I'm fine just tired," I whisper quietly back to him.

He just nods his head, I think that's the end of the conversion so I go back to the ceiling, but he speaks up again. "You can go you know, it is late."He whispers back I don't know why we're both whispering now but whatever.

I shake my head, "No, it's fine." He told me how he has trouble sleeping the other day when he was out of it, so I'm probably going to stay until he passes out on the couch.

"What's with you and ducks?" I ask a little louder now because it has been bothering me.

He looks over at me surprised with the sudden question.

He shakes his head, "I don't know, they're cute."

"Just like you," I say slyly thinking he won't be able to hear me.

"No--no!" He stutters out quite loudly.

I sit up straight and look at him, he's covering his face and blushing probably.

"Yeah," Say more confidently, normally I wouldn't but this is kinda great, and his mom's still working so.

He shakes his head.

"I'm just teasing."

He looks at me through his fingers, hah, cute.

"Wh--why?" he says weakly.

I stay quiet for a second because I don't really know either, do I like him? or and I just being a bother.

"Ummm, I'm gonna go? yeah?" I stand up getting my second wind forgetting why I was going to stay.

I grab my shoes and coat and quickly throw them on almost falling down when I put my shoes on, I open the door and give him one last look he's not hiding his face anymore but he's kinda just looking at me shocked.

"Okay, bye!" I yell behind my shoulder and pretty much run all the way back to our apartment.

Not looking back once, why do I was always run.

Once I'm back home, I throw all my stuff on the floor, still panting and walking into our living room where Iwaizumi and Oikawa are making out, I ignore them and just keep walking to the kitchen to get something to drink.

I grab a water bottle and sit on the counter.

Oikawa soon comes into the kitchen looking a bit disheveled, his hair sticking up everywhere and his shirt is unbuttoned to the fourth button.

I just nod my head an acknowledgment still trying to catch my breath.

He just stares at me a minute before grabbing a water bottle out of the fridge as well.

"What happened to you, I thought you were at Matsukawa's house," Oikawa says taking a seat at the table.

"Shouldn't you be getting back to someone," I say gesturing to the door into the living room, with my head.

"Aren't you salty, are you still shaken up about almost seeing your dad?" He asks taking a sip after fighting with his water bottle for a second.

"No," Is all I say jumping down from the counter and throwing my bottle into the trash being finished already.

"Then what happened?" He asks me just trying to leave the room so I can sleep, or probably just stare at the ceiling.

He pats the seat next to him not done talking to me.

I groan but sit down next to him.

"I ran from Matsukawa's house," I said hopefully that's enough so I can leave because I didn't give them a time I would be back, maybe I just felt like being active.

They would never believe that though.

I mean I ran again.

"Why exactly?" He asks trying to get more from me.

I shrug my shoulders and lay my head down on the table "I don't know," I mumble into the weird five-legged table.

"I thought you wouldn't be back until tomorrow morning." He continues like he didn't even hear me.

"Whatever,"

It's silent for a while before he speaks up again, "Do you want me to leave?"

I shake my head, "No,"

I see him nod his head out the corner of my eye.

Oikawa rests his hand on my shoulder not saying anything just waiting for me.

"I ran away when he asked me why I always flirted with him."

There's more silence.

Than Oikawa starts laughing really hard.

I sit up and stare at him, I hit him "This is no laughing matter you asshole!" I yell as I continue to hit his leg.

Iwaizumi walks into the room raising an eyebrow at us.

"Come, join the party and laugh at me!"

"I'm always up for laughing at you but I need a reason," he states leaning against the door frame.

Once Oikawa has his breathing under control. "He ran all the way from Matsukawa's house because he was asked why he always flirted with Matsukawa." He says wiping away his tears.

"Well, when you say it like that it makes me sound stupid."

"You are stupid so it works. But do you really think it was a good idea to leave Matsukawa lone?" Iwaizumi asks.

My eyes widen.

"Probably not,"I mumble standing up again.

"Whoa, you're not running there again," Oikawa says pulling on my shirts selve.

"Yeah, but I ran away from a guy who was kidnapped for four years, I can't go."

"Do you have a phone number?" Iwaizumi asks always the voice of reason.

"Just his mother's work."

Iwaizumi nods. "Get in the car."

"Iwa-chan don't forget a shirt," Oikawa says gesturing at Iwaizumi.

Iwaizumi just looks down at his chest, "Your fault," He says pointing at Oikawa leaving the room.

At least he's wearing a sports bra this time.

"Yeah, Oikawa your fault," I say glaring at him.

"Hey, at least I have a man, you ran away from your crush, like a middle schooler." He says defending himself but also walking a little over the line of funniness.

I just open my mouth and close it again, "He is not my crush," I yell and run out of the room, soon sticking my head back into the kitchen to ask where the car keys are.

I grab the keys off of the counter and stomp back into the leaving room, Iwaizumi walks out of their room wearing a sweater.

How sad.

"Keys?"

I throw them at him, he grabs them out of the air then puts on some shoes.

I do the same, I also grab my coat.

We go out to the car together, I jump in the passenger seat, well he jumps in the driver's seat and starts up the car.

It's cold in here.

We pull out, me giving him directions every once and awhile.

Besides that he doesn't say much, he never really does, I can tell he's doing it purposely this time though.

Once we pull up in front of his apartment I'm out of the car.

I run up the stairs and run by the first few doors, I stop at his and take a deep breath and check the time it's one now.

I knock on the door, it's thirty seconds before he answers it looking tired and leaning heavily on his cane.

He eyes go wide behind his glasses again.

It's kinda cute.

"Hi,"I say still out of breath from all the running I've been doing.  
"Sorry about running away," He's still just staring at me well either me or something behind me.

"Can you say something so I know you didn't die?" I ask because it's getting a little creepy.

"I'm---I'm fine," He stutters rushing over his words looking down at the ground again.

"I'm sorry for running away,"

He looks back up at me a little shocked, and then away again.

"Don't--don't worry about it I'I'm sure you had a rea--reason,"

"Yeah," putting my hand on the back of my neck looking anywhere but him.

It's quiet again.

"Umm," Matsukawa mumbles after a bit.

I look up at him, he's still acting a bit shy.

"Yeah?" I ask because he looks very awkward.

"Yeah, I have to go," He says looking back into his apartment.

"Oh yeah," I say stepping back from the door, "Bye, again."

"Yee-ah," He says closing the door.

I stand there for a second then walk back to the car, I jump in Iwaizumi's on his phone texting someone.

"How'd go?" He asks not even looking up from whoever he's texting.

"Ummmm, well, it was kinda weird."

"Did you talk about the reason you ran away,"

I shake my head, and mumble "No,"

He looks up at me and glares.

"You're like the dad I never had," I whispered sarcastically.

"Shut the fuck up, why didn't you talk about?"

"I don't know it was awkward."

He just continues to stare at me.

He makes me feel like a child that has disappointed an adult.

"Stop you're making me feel guilty!"

He just turns back to his phone again, "You're acting stupid though,"

"I'm not, I just didn't know what to say and he didn't bring it up so I got stuck,"

"Fine," He says turning the car on " But you can't ignore it forever, I mean you do like this guy right? so you gotta figure this shit out, you can't just continue to run from everyone who confronts you,"

I shake my head, "Can we just leave, I want to sleep."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed and until next time! -Den.


	18. Not an update.

Hello, as many of you guys know because I've been saying it almost every chapter lately. I want to finish this soon because I'm not as into the story as I was when I started it.  
So I've been thinking that I'll finish it in the next chapter it will be a longer chapter though. So I won't be posting for the next little while Because I want it to be great and I want it to wrap everything up, maybe someday I'll want to re-write it but where I am right now, I want it to be finished so I can work on new things! which will be better because I'll want to write them more. 

Until next time -Den.


	19. We're okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy backflipping Jesus, I'm so tired but I think I finished it? I hope I did because I'm ready to start something new I just don't know when. 
> 
> I'm so glad I finally can say I finished it though I"m so happy and thankful for everyone who read and liked and commented, I know it's not the best because this is my first work. I started writing this because I felt like it some of these things aren't talked about enough but I don't think I did it justice at all. 
> 
> Anyway, enough of me talking I hope you enjoy! and it's everything you were hoping for, I know a few of the things get left unsaid, but I think it's pretty good.

Matsukawa's point of few. 

 

When he ran out the door the first thing I felt was fear, the second thing was real life. 

It's weird but I felt better when I knew he was gone so I knew I wouldn't wreck anything, he was getting too close anyway, I liked having him next to me and I didn't mind sometimes when he touched me, he wasn't scared of me. 

Not that anyone else has ever been scared of me, but everyone tends to treat me weird because of what happened to me.  
Like I'm still broken on the outside. 

Or I could just be making things up. 

I'm standing by the front door, I soon hear a car drive off, I stand that for awhile longer, leaning my head on the door. 

Thinking. 

Rethinking. 

Re-rethinking.

"Stop,"I mumble out loud hitting my head on the door. 

I wonder to my room, and fall face first on my bed. 

Wearing glasses. 

Nobody said I was smart. 

I put my cane by the side of my bed and go onto my elbows, to take my glasses off. 

Once they're off I roll onto my back and stare at the ceiling. 

I wish I knew what all that was about, all I did was ask him why he always said that maybe I overstepped. 

I probably did. 

I just don't know how to feel about everything with him. 

It doesn't feel like how it was with Him, it feels different and knew and I'm not sure how to feel about that. 

I'm scared though, but I'm not sure why? 

I'm not going to run because of, first of all, I can't and second I think I'm as ready as it's going to get. 

It's still going to be a lot of work though, I'm not healed. 

I'm still broken, and scared. 

But I'm ready to get over it, and I want to say I came from that, and I'm better. 

Not one hundred percent better, but as better as I can be, now. 

It just feels like I've said it a million times, maybe this time can be better. 

 

Hanamaki's point of few. 

"You can't just make it work," 

"How do you fucking know, if you've never tried it" He growls back 

"Because I'm smart, and I know you can't just cut off the fifth leg on our fucking table!" 

"Watch me!" 

I did indeed watch him. 

This is stupid it's seven in the morning the tables flipped upside down, Iwaizumi has a saw. 

Oikawa's mumbling to himself about cats. 

This wasn't a good idea, all I said was that our tables stupid for having a fifth leg and now Iwaizumi going on manly man on it. 

"Iwaizumi, it's stupid just leave our table alone." 

"You're the one who brings it up again," 

"Yeah because it is stupid, but I love it," I say softly sitting on the counter doing nothing to stop or help him. 

"It's seven AM just leave the table alone!" Oikawa yells now not tired. 

Iwaizumi and Oikawa have staring contest for a few seconds. 

Before Oikawa hops down from the counter next to him and they flip the table back so it's upside right. 

Iwaizumi soon leaves the room with the saw grumbling under his breath. 

We sit in silence, me on the counter and Oikawa sitting on the table. 

"Have you talked to Matsukawa after the other night?" 

I jump down from the counter grabbing a coffee cup and going to the coffee maker, trying to think of a response to what he said. 

After I get my coffee and I'm sitting back on the counter I take a sip just to make him wait. 

I shake my head, "Not really, I mean I talked to him that night but it was weird now it's been two days and I'm sitting on the counter in booty shorts from high school and having fights about our beautiful five-legged table," I say running out of breath at the end. 

He nods his head a few times then pats the table. "It is a really ugly but beautiful table." 

That's when Iwaizumi walks in and says "Talking about yourself again," 

"Iwa-chan! that's rude,"

"Well, he technically he called you beautiful and ugly, look on the plus side there bud," 

"Yeah, bud look on the plus side," Iwaizumi says jumping up onto the counter beside me. 

"Anyway, back to the what I was saying before," 

I groan and put my head on Iwaizumi shoulder, he pats my head. 

"And you call me dramatic. Just talk to Matsukawa for fuck sake," He says getting up and leaving. 

"He swore this is serious," I say not moving my head from Iwaizumi shoulder. 

"This is serious you should just talk to him instead of being stupid." 

"But I am stupid," I whine. 

"You're going to drop your coffee," he says before leaving the room. 

 

Matsukawa's point of few. 

I'm outside with Suga we're walking around the little park him not saying anything, and me not knowing what to say.  
It's been two days since I've last seen Hanamaki, I think it's for the best. 

I miss him. 

But we were getting too close. 

Suga came over at six, I was already up, today he's not in the best mood, few smiles even fewer laughs. 

But it's nice, we've been walking since seven, it's now almost nine. 

I tap Suga with my cane and gesture over to one of the benches.

He nods and smiles a bit we take a seat. 

It's quite. 

Birds chirping. 

Sun shining a bit, not too much but just enough to feel the warmth on my skin. 

It's still kinda cold in the mornings it's great for walking until my leg starts acting up that is. 

We don't talk or anything just watch the joggers and the mother's or fathers with their small children. 

It's never awkward with Suga, I'm surprised I haven't pushed him away yet, but that time will probably come soon. 

I hope it never does because next would be my mother, then I'd be all alone again. 

Like the cold nights on the floor in pain, or starving or both, sometimes it would be both. 

He'd come down to the basement and tell me he'd be teaching a lesson, and if I cried out or screamed for help he'd not give me  
food for a few days. 

And when I was laying on the floor bleeding he'd just smile down at me, the smile I'd seen so many times before, I'd ran away.  
I leaned my head back on the bench and looked at the sky before closing my eyes. 

I'm going to the doctors tomorrow. 

She's either going to say I'm doing better or it somehow has gotten worse. 

I want to say I'm getting better, but I'll never be the same again I knew that from the beginning but I don't want to believe it. 

I don't want to think that I'll never be able to learn again in a classroom, or that I'll never be able to work for myself because it terrifies me. 

I remember having dreams before it all happened I don't remember what I wanted to do but I know I had a dream. 

I also don't want to think I'll never be able to love, myself, or another person romantically. 

I'm surprised I've even made it this far. 

 

Hanamaki's point of few. 

 

I went to Matsukawa's house but he wasn't there, his mom was she was on her way to work. 

She looks a lot like Matsukawa but smaller and longer hair, she also doesn't wear glasses or need a cane but there a lot alike besides that. 

She smiled it was a sadder one but she said she was happy to meet me and that Matsukawa talks about me a lot and you've really helped him. 

She then blushed and told me he was at the park with Suga but they had been gone a long while.

I'm not sure what to do because I don't really want to run all the way to the park it's ten minutes away and I already ran here from  
my apartment. 

I should start going to the gym that would be smart I'm still pretty fit from playing volleyball and stuff, but healthiness? 

I sit on the stairs up to his apartment, taking out my phone and just going through the contacts, I hover over my dad's contact for a second soon scrolling away from it. 

I don't need that today. 

I'm not really sure who I'm looking for I just need something to waste time, tell he's back. 

I continue to go through them, I pull my jacket more around me today it's chillier today, it should warm up this afternoon. 

I guess I'm also in the shade because stupid roofs. 

I sit there for I don't know how long then I start walking back to the apartment. 

It's a quite walk there's not a lot of people out yet.  
I get back to the apartment a half hour later, the apartment is quite nobody's home Iwaizumi's at work and Oikawa also is at work.  
I go to my room and get dressed for work I throw on a beanie as well. 

Just to try and keep a little warmer. 

I get to work with a little time to spear. 

So I start putting away books, today I'm working in the books instead of the coffee counter. 

Once I've put away all the stray books from people who read but didn't buy. 

I clock in then grab a cart with new books and start putting them away, quiet piano music in the background.  
I'm not a big fan of piano music normally I normally enjoy loud music that gives you little time to think of what you're going to do next. 

But today, it's perfect it's just quite and that's all that I need. 

A few people asked me where things are but most of the time I was left alone. 

Nearer the end of my shift, I feel something tap my ankle. 

And I turn around to see Matsukawa. 

He's just standing there looking awkward. 

I blink a few times to make sure I didn't make this up. 

"Hi," He says still looking at the ground. 

I nod, then shake my head and I finally get out a hi before going back to work of putting books on the bottom shelves. 

"This--this is awkward." He stutters. 

"Yeah, it is," I say before standing up again to grab a few more of the books for the sci-fi section. 

"I went to your house this morning you weren't around," 

I see him nod his head in the corner of my eye, "I was with--with Suga," 

"I know that's what your mom said," 

"You---you met my mom," he stutters. 

I grin a little and go back to putting the books away. 

"Yeah, I did she looks a lot like you," I say grinning up at him. 

He just blushes and looks away, "You also blush like her," 

His head snaps back to me, "--What." 

I laugh a bit," I asked her where you were and she started talking really fast once she heard my name," 

"then blushed when she realized what I had asked." 

"I'm sorry?" 

"Why are you sorry?" I ask because that was kinda out of nowhere.

He looks away from me again, I stand again being done in the section. 

He shakes his head and follows me as go to another aisle. 

I stop the cart closer to that back and turn to him. 

"Are you okay?" I ask again because he's acting weird again. 

"Ye--yeah, I'm fi--fine," 

I nod. 

We stand there in silence again, me just taking everything in him last in his thoughts it seems. 

"About the other night," 

His eyes snap back up to me then back to the floor

"It was stupid for me to run, then come back. I just," I shake my head trying to get the words out. 

"I know why you ran." He says calmly. 

I raise an eyebrow at him, " Oh yeah?" I asked crossing my arms. 

He nods again, "You don't like to be confronted so you ran just like before," He says matter a factly still not looking up. 

I nod my head again, I mean that is partly true.  
I think it's that and I don't want to own up to my feelings like Oikawa said.  
I'm scared so I ran, and I don't want to say that I may actually like this him. I haven't been in a relationship for a few years and he hasn't even seen the real world for a year. 

I don't want to say anything because I don't want to hurt him, I don't want to confront someone again and fail. 

I'm just scared and I never thought I would be again, but I guess you can't run from everything forever. 

"Matsukawa what do you see me as?" I ask calmly. 

He looks up at me shocked. He answers quietly and calmly without stuttering, "I'm not sure yet," 

I nod my head. 

He's not sure, he doesn't know the way I feel and there's no reason for me to say anything if I'm just going to run again. 

"One more thing," 

He nods his head and makes eye contact with me again for a second, "Ye-yeah?" 

"Do you think you'll ever get better?" 

He stares for a second more then goes back to the floor, he keeps quiet for awhile, "I'm going to the doctor's today." He said he looks down at his watch, "Actually right now, I came here to see if you--you'd like to come with me. But you don't have to," he rushes over the last bit. 

I stare at him again, "I'd love to," 

"Aren't you still working?" He asks. 

I look at my watch then remember I don't have a watch, I take a step closer to him and look at his watch. 

"I'm off actually," 

He nods again. 

"Just let me sign out. I'll meet you out front," 

He nods then turns to leave looking over his shoulder at me one last time before making his way back to the front of the store and out the door. 

I go to the back room and grab my jacket then sign out waving to the people at the coffee counter as I go.  
I pull on my jacket and step out on the little step, he's sitting down watching the people go by, I stare at him a minute before he notices me. Man, I'm in deep. I clear my throat he jumps and looks up at me. 

"Sorry," 

He shakes his head. 

Standing up, "You ready?" He asks looking up at me from the sidewalk. 

I nod and jump down the step to stand beside him then he starts leading the way. 

"Don't you normally go with Suga or your mom?" I ask after a while of silence. 

He looks at me through the corner of his eye and nods, "Ye--yeah, normally my mom and Suga. I told them I'd go by myself this time because I'm an adult." 

"You mean you don't feel like a fifteen-year-old?" I ask we never really talk about before all this I get why. 

He shakes his head, "No, I never really felt like one though," 

"Not even before?" I wonder what he was like before this. 

"No, my mother wasn't around often and her husbands didn't take care of me so I took care of myself." 

"It most be weird to be used to that and to come back to everyone trying to take care of you and baby you," 

"Ye--yeah, but I don't think I could've gotten as far as I have without them." 

"I guess so." 

"Can we---we please talk about something else--" 

"Yeah, sorry again." I shake my head, "I haven't been a very good friend lately to you and now I just kind of feel bad," 

"You have no reason to feel bad, you--you went through stuff as well, it may not be on the same--same level as mine, but it still hurt and scarred you," 

"I guess you're right in some sense," I mumble to myself. 

We walk the rest of the way to the doctor's office in silence, not a bad silence but it's still kinda of weird. 

I wish we weren't as messed up as we are, so I could make this workout, but I have a feeling it's always going to be hard for us, especially him.  
He probably doesn't even want to be with me. I'm making this way to serious, I need to think of something else. 

We're sitting in the waiting room, him staring at his feet, me looking at one of the magazines from the coffee table.  
There are not many people in here besides us, just an older woman and her grandson it seems.  
It's quiet just the grandmother reading quietly to her grandchild and the ticking of a clock.  
I kind of can't stand this type of quiet it's so bad, I feel as though I'm going to go mad. 

"Matsukawa, the doctor will see you now," The receptionist said loudly breaking the silence. 

Matsukawa jumps and but gets up none the less, he whispers a quick it shouldn't take long and follows the receptionist to the room. 

I take out my phone and put my headphones in trying to get rid of the deafening silence.  
I try not to think of anything but it fails I can't get lost in my music I guess.  
I take out my phone going through whatever will load. There's nothing interesting so I end up putting it away with a loud shy making the older lady glare at me for a second before she goes back to reading, I smile at her before though she does to try and apologize, I swear old people hate me. 

I stare at my feet for awhile before just turning off my phone and turning it on again and skipping random songs just for something to do. 

I start thinking about my dad, just because I want something to think about, it's, of course, a bad idea. But I just don't think about him enough I mean what kind of son does that, I ran away so I didn't need to come out to him. I ran because I was scared and I was confronted about it. It was stupid I made him worry about me more by running away, I didn't mean to I just needed to get away, it I mean to stay away for years? No, I don't think I ever wanted to last as long as it did, but it's all I could think about him rejecting me when I thought about going back to him, him just slamming the door in my face. 

And that would be it, my home would be gone, him telling me stories about my mom, him picking me up when I fell down the stairs, him singing off-key to his favourite songs. 

Everything would just be memories at least now I could just think about going back, and pretending everything would be fine, I mean a man has to have something to daydream about. But if that door shut I don't think I'd be okay. 

I stand up just to move and I go and find the bathroom so I don't start crying in a fucking doctors office.  
I splash my face with water to try and snap myself out if it. It helps a little but not a lot, I wipe my face on paper towel then make my way back into the waiting room. Matsukawa's back in the waiting room he's just talking to the receptionist.  
He soon spots me coming back into the room and smiles a bit before looking back at the receptionist.  
At first, I'm kinda shocked and stand there for a moment too long, but soon I snap back to reality and go over to him. 

"Than--thank you," He stutter quietly taking a piece of paper from the receptionist.  
and turning to me, he gestures to the door, I nod and we walk out together once we're on the sidewalk I take out my headphones putting them back into my pocket. 

"How'd it go?" I ask once we're on our way back to his place. 

"Well, she said this would be my last--last appointment for awhile and that--that she wants me to go to a therapist again." He stutters half mumbles under his breath. 

"That's great Matsukawa," I said giving him a big grin. 

He nods his head smiling a little, "Are you okay?" He asks quietly. 

I stare at him for a second, then nod my head "I think so," 

"Ye--yeah?" 

"Yeah, I just starting thinking about my dad," I say there's no point in keeping it to myself.

"Oh," 

I nod again, "Yeah, why'd you stop going to a therapist anyway?" 

"Oh, umm, my mom didn't think it was helping so she pulled me out and talked to Suga's boyfriend about Suga coming over to help me regularly. Because he's a therapist and she thought a friend with that background would help more," 

"I think your mom was right about that, but I think it would be a good thing for you to start up again, now that you're doing a lot better, I mean Suga said the other day that you wouldn't even talk to your therapist or your mom," 

"Yeah, I want to, I want to get bet-better, I just don't think it's possible at the moment." 

I think he could do if he's made it this far, I know he's probably thought about this lots and what am I going to say to make him believe it probably nothing but I want to try my best. 

"You've come this far," I said back looking back in front of us. 

 

Matsukawa's point of few. 

 

We make it back to his apartment, he said that Oikawa and Iwaizumi were still out and wouldn't be back till later. 

He gets us water as I sit on the couch and stare at the blank tv screen and try not to think of what happened the last time I was here. 

Hanamaki comes back a few seconds later throwing himself on the couch he hands me and bottle of water making sure not to touch me. 

I just play with the cap of the water bottle as he goes through the channels. 

"Everything is shit," 

I nod looking up at what it's on right now, it's on some game show that hasn't aired since the nineties.  
He changes it again to some soap opera and just leaves it on there. 

I just keep quiet taking a drink of water every once and awhile.

Hanamaki doesn't really say anything either every once and awhile he'll yell at the characters, sometimes I'll say something about one of the characters as well. 

After a while he muted the show and started talking for them, I'll laugh sometimes, dryly most of the time because he's not very funny.

he's also doing very bad accents for some. 

At eight he makes us sandwiches me helping him singing bad pop songs badly, and very loudly and the upstairs neighbors yelling at him and hitting the floor with a broom. 

I start laughing really loudly. 

Hanamaki stares at me, once my laughter dies down he continues too. 

"Wha--what?" I stutter out feeling insecure suddenly. 

He shakes his head and quickly looks away mumbling a don't worry about it. 

He goes back to singing a little less loudly, but just as badly. 

After that, we go back to watching tv with sound Hanamaki continues to yell at the characters with his mouth full. 

 

Hanamaki's point of few. 

Matsukawa fell asleep at ten, he's completely out of it, I should probably wake him to get him back to his place but I don't think that would be wise. 

I look over at him now, he's mumbling incoherently, he looks really cute though his glasses are messed up on his face and his head is leaning back on the headrest. 

His phone is resting in his hand, It's kind of weird he never uses his phone but he always has it.  
I see him sometimes check the time on there but it's rarely because he almost always has his watch on him. 

I slowly take off his glasses so I don't wake him or touch him I put his glasses on the coffee table, he just moves a bit and mumbles louder but he quiets down again after getting comfy again. 

I gently take his phone from his hand, unlocking it and going into his contacts to message his mom hopefully, I go on there and see just one contact it says mom but I check the number and gasp loudly Matsukawa grumbles again and I cover my mouth. 

How the hell did Matsukawa get my number?! I never gave it to him and if I did I don't remember.  
I scroll all the way up the chat, no, this is from months ago before I even knew him. 

I now remember having these conversions I just can't believe that it happened.  
I mean what are the chances? 

I go back through the contacts it's the only contact he has. 

I grab my phone out of my pocket I guess Suga works, I'm still not over the fact that we've talked before. 

I quickly type 'Hey Suga it's me Hanamaki, Matsukawa fell asleep over here, so can you tell his mom that I'll return him tomorrow? I would but I don't have her number sorry if this is an inconvenience!" 

I sit there in silence for a minute, I get up though and go to the closet and grab us a blanket, I lay it over him first though because I'm still waiting for a response, I take the dishes we had in here and bring them into the kitchen putting them in the sink. 

I stand there by the sink, I can't believe I didn't know sooner I've never used his phone before but normally I give people my number when I first meet them. It just seems odd, I wasn't once like 'oh hey, let me give you my number so I can send you memes at three AM" 

My phone buzzes in my sweater pocket I pull it out its a phone call, I answer it. 

"Hello?" 

It's quiet on the other end of a second, "Hey, this is Suga sorry to just call you out of nowhere," 

"Ah, don't worry about it!" I said loudly trying to get it out of my head. 

I soon quiet down so I don't wake Matsukawa though. 

"Okay, I just wanted to make sure Matsukawa was okay? and I already sent a text to his mom and I'm waiting for a response from her," 

"Yeah, he's fine I think, I mean we were just watching tv and I looked over at him and he was passed out, and I think we worked everything out from the other day."

"Oh really? I'm glad! I know his sleeping problems have been getting worse. I don't know what happened between you to or need to know, but I'm glad it could be worked out," 

"Matsukawa's mom just messaged me just a second," He says calmly. 

It's quiet once again, I make my way to the living room again and sit down beside him, he doesn't move, I pull some of the blanket so it's on my as well. 

"She says that's fine, she's worried I can tell, but she trusts you, I can also come get him tomorrow because I'm taking him to a therapist tomorrow I thought it was best he didn't know until I found a good one because I know how much he over thinks things." 

 

I yawn, "Yeah, that's fine, I have classes tomorrow so that will work better. One more thing though Suga," 

"Okay, sounds good. Yes, what is it?" 

"One second," I say standing up and going to my room to say what I need to say and need to know, I mean I can't just not say anything and he may have the answer. 

He makes a humming sound to let me know he heard me. 

I sit down on my bed, "Yeah, I just wanted to know if you think---" I don't know how to get the words out it kinda just dies on my lips. 

"Yes?" He says to try and make me continue. 

"I just---" just get the fucking words out Takahiro! 

"No rush, I won't judge just get it out," he said going into his therapist's voice ™ 

"Okay," I say taking a deep breath. " I just wanted to know If you think Matsukawa will ever be better enough to be with someone" 

It's quiet for a second "I knew it!" 

What? "What? knew what?" 

"That you liked him." He says matter a factly, he cuts me off before I can say anything else though, going back to seriousness "Yes, I think someday he will I just wish I could tell you when I honestly think he'd be ready but it hasn't even been a year and that's a big step up from what he's used too," 

I nod my head even though he can't see me, I had a feeling that's what he would say but I just don't want to continue to go after someone I can never be with. It's already painful. 

"Thanks, Suga," I said before hanging up. 

I go back out to the living room when Oikawa and Iwaizumi are just coming in the door in work clothes. 

I tell them to shush and go back to the couch and pull the blanket over me first putting my phone next to Matsukawa's phone and glasses. 

 

Oikawa and Iwaizumi come into the living room, both looking tired. 

"Is everything okay between you to?" Oikawa asks whispering. 

"Yeah," I lie. 

I just wanted to sleep now, so with whispers of Goodnight, they left for their room. 

I'll have to talk to Matsukawa about the texts tomorrow. 

 

I woke up around nine, I looked over to where Matsukawa is, he's already gone though, I make my way to the kitchen where Oikawa is Iwaizumi already gone to classes. 

I nod at him in greeting and make my coffee. 

"Matsukawa left an hour ago," Oikawa says once I'm sat beside him. He's on his phone drinking coffee with a bowl beside him. 

I nod again, "You could've woke me," 

"We did try, Matsukawa said don't worry about it and left when Suga got here, saying sorry to be a trouble," Oikawa continues not looking up from his phone, he pushes up his glasses a bit though. 

I take a sip of my coffee, "When your class?" I asked changing the subject. 

He looks up from his phone, "Ummm, " he mutters thinking, "in an hour or so?" 

I nod, "Me too," 

He checks the time on his phone and shakes his head, "For you forty-five minutes," 

"Oh fuck," I said jumping up and running into my room I threw on some random clothes and run out the door just in time to get to the bus, yelling out a quick goodbye to Oikawa who is in the shower. 

I run all the way to the bus stop jumping in right away, classes shouldn't be too bad today, but I still feel like I overslept. 

Once I get to the building I go right into the classroom sitting beside Kuroo, he doesn't even look up he looks half asleep himself and is writing notes like his life depends on it. 

 

I make it through the day but feel gross afterward so go straight to bed, I'll talk to Matsukawa about it tomorrow. 

 

Two years later. 

 

"Remind me again why you wanted this fucking table?" Iwaizumi grumbles. 

"I think it's just become a part of him," Matsukawa cuts in before I could say anything in return. 

"Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if they had five-legged chairs to go along with it when we go to see them next," 

"I'm standing right here! why do you act like I'm not here," 

"Because it doesn't feel you're here because I can't see you," Iwaizumi said from the other side of the door.

Today is the day I and Matsukawa finally decided to move in together, I said I wouldn't leave this place without the table though, I and this table have been through a lot, okay? 

Right now we're stuck in the door frame though, Oikawa's by the truck with Matsukawa, well, me and Iwaizumi try to get the fucking table out of the doorframe. 

"This is why you should've let me cut the fifth leg off this table two years ago," grumbles half yells at me. 

"It wouldn't be the same! Oikawa get your fucking butt up here and help us," 

"Don't talk about my butt like that, " 

"Toru just come and help us before my back breaks," 

"Okay, my love!"

"Asshole," I grumble. 

I hear Matsukawa start laughing. 

"I'm glad to be good entertainment for you Issei!" 

"Yeah--yeah thanks," 

After struggling for a while longer we finally got it unstuck from the doorframe and down the few steps to the truck. 

"Okay, now Issei come with me to grab the last few boxes," 

"Ok--okay," 

I run up the stairs taking two at a time, Issei following behind me with his cane. 

We head into my room, my old room I guess now.  
I've kinda grown used to this piece of shit of a house, I'll miss the two fridges the pink sink, not the table I'm taking that. How could I not that's where Matsukawa first kissed me, that was like five months after we started dating or so I'd kissed him before but he had kissed me then. 

We're still not moving fast though and Matsukawa said that he'd never be okay with anything beyond kisses or cuddles. I'm good with that, I mean that was one of the first things we talked about when we first started dating. 

We've only been dating a little over a year, I didn't think it would ever happen but I guess I was wrong and in a good way. 

Matsukawa still isn't okay with being touched a lot, even though he knows he needs attention in that way, but after everything he went through he was just happy he could be in a relationship at all. 

His mom decided to get remarried, she said she had been seeing someone for awhile, Issei was if-y at the beginning because he didn't want a re-run of all her old husbands. 

After meeting the guy he warmed up to it a bit, they were married last year in the fall, the guy is a police officer.  
I asked her about when I had dinner with them, and she said that he was one of the guys who helped find Issei and they had just grown close during the investigation. 

At first, Issei was fine with living with them both but after awhile he was done, he said that he walked in on the doing it.  
and is now scarred for life. 

 

Matsukawa's point of few. 

I look around the room it's pretty much empty except a few boxes and the bed and the bedside table. 

"Hey, Issei" 

I jump and turn to look at Takahiro, he's on the bed jumping up and down. 

"What are you doing?" I feel like this is going to be a bad idea. 

"Something that will make you swoon," he states. 

"Good luck with that," 

"Shut it you asexual nerd and watch this," He says before he does a back flip. 

He lands on his back groaning. 

"Yeah, I'm definitely swooning alright," I say laughing a bit. 

"Stop laughing and help your poor hurt boyfriend who's dying of pain," 

"Okay, okay," I come over closer to the bed and held out my hand.

He looks at it for a second getting a devilishly glint in his eye, before I can pull my arm back grabs it and pulls me onto the bed so I'm laying beside him. 

I turn my head to glare at me he just grins, he moves a bit closer to me and kisses me once on the lips then all over my face, I push him away gently laughing. 

He just grins and lays his head on my chest, he takes my glasses and puts them on, "How do I look?" 

"I don't know I don't have a hearing aid," 

"Ahhh, I've taken away his smarts through his glasses??!" 

"This is why most people who need glasses are so smart then you take them away and they're like I can't read you fuck," 

"I'm guessing Oikawa said that at one poin--point," 

He's quiet for a moment I squint at him, "Can I have my glasses back to hear again?" 

"Oh yeah, I think you'd die if you never saw my beautiful face again," Takahiro said putting my glasses on me for me, I mumble a thank you. 

He's really close, "Do you want me to move?" Takahiro asks looking me in the eyes, I avoid his eye contact but shake my head no. 

"Okay, tell me if it's too much, ya?" 

"I--I will," 

 

"Hey, lovebirds get your asses out here, Suga's ready to go!" Oikawa yells, I jump. 

"Let's go," Takahiro said grabbing my hand and pulling me up with him. 

He lets go of my hand and grabs my cane again, we take the last two boxes down, we put them in the back before.  
Before getting in the cars I get in the truck with Suga and Takahiro and Iwaizumi and Oikawa following behind us in their car. 

I look over at Suga he smiles and I give him a small smile before looking back out the window. 

A lot has happened in these last few years. 

First, my mother getting married again. Suga adopting kids with his boyfriend, a little girl. Suga also moved out of the apartment building that was last year, they moved into a small house closer to his work.

I started taking classes at the uni for psychiatry, Suga first asked me about it a year ago when I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do, he said that it would be nice if I gave back to the system that failed and helped me. 

I, of course, will never be back to who I was before, and I still need a lot of help for most things and I still go to therapy.  
I was unsure of it for a long while but Takahiro helped talk me into it and we did a lot of research too. 

I've kinda become at peace with everything now, I needed a ton of help, but I also needed to figure myself out. I forgot who I was in the four years I was held captive. 

I finally got up the charge to talk at the group meetings as well, I still go to that as well, Yahaba removed the age limit as well.  
He said they just had one because they wanted to help younger kids more and it's still centered around that but now every once and awhile we'll having older people come, my mother even came a few times. 

I try not to blame myself for everything that happened, but sometimes I still get stuck in that mindset. 

Takahiro finally talked to his dad about everything this year, he still hasn't let me meet him, but it's a work and progress and I don't want him to feel pressured into anything. I want to help him the way he helped me. 

"Are you okay?" Suga asks breaking through my thoughts. 

I nod " Yea--yeah, just nervous," 

He nods his head turning back to the road, "Understandable, it's a big step, but you've taken a lot lately, I think you're ready," 

"I hope so," I said under breath looking back out the window, we're almost at the new apartment, it's definitely a step up from Takahiro's old place that's for sure. 

Suga doesn't speak up for the rest of the ride, which I'm thankful for I don't think I could keep up conversion even if I wanted to right now. 

I just can't think clearly, I'm glad I'm doing this I couldn't see my life without Takahiro now. 

We pull up to the apartment a while later, it's a small building bigger than both of our apartments before, but it's still not a lot, Takahiro goes and talks to the landlord to get the keys. Iwaizumi and Oikawa start talking about something quietly, I was surprised they could actually do that because of how loud they always are. Suga's texting someone and sitting on the back of U-haul. 

Takahiro comes out a moment later holding papers and the keys, he opens his arms like and says, "This landlord hates me too," 

I roll my eyes, Oikawa starts yelling at him about how this has happened four times already. 

 

"I think you have gift for making people hate you because I also feel the same way," Iwaizumi said rolling his eyes 

 

Takahiro gasps loudly almost falling to the ground, "Iwa-chan how dare you, I know you love me!" 

Oikawa hits him over the head, "Only I get to call Iwaizumi, Iwa-chan you bitch," 

"Guys maybe you should stop fighting outside of their new home," Suga says ever the voice of reason. 

"That's is a good point mom!" Hanamaki yells. 

Suga just sticks is tongue out at him. 

"Okay, but seriously let's move this bad bitch in," Takahiro said gesturing to himself. 

"Matsukawa is not a bitch," Oikawa gasps loudly. 

"Oh right, I forgot you were here babe," 

I put my hand on my heart and gasp, "No," quietly. 

After some more goofing around Suga got us to start moving some stuff in. 

Oikawa and Hanamaki singing bad pop songs the whole time, I'm not surprised the do that a lot. 

Once everything was in the house it was six at night, we said goodbye to everyone, now me and Takahiro are sitting on the floor surrounded by boxes, the table took awhile to get here because we're on the fourth floor there was a lot of swearing and yelling for that, I was outside though. I couldn't help much but I did as much as I could with the other stuff. 

"Do you think we could just not unpack anything and we could just have a box fort?" Takahiro asks looking up at me from where he's laying on the ground using his sweater as a pillow. 

I look down at him and shake my head,"That would be cool, and a lot less work, but I don't think it's a good idea,"

"Come on it would be great, your mom would love it," 

"She would?" 

"Yeah, remember last year when we made that big ass blanket fort with her," 

"I wasn't there, why does everyone I know have a weird relationship with my mom?"

He looks at me a moment thoughtfully, "I think it's because your mom's awesome," He says grinning he sits up and turns to me. 

"Where do you want to sleep tonight," I asked changing the subject from my mom.

"I think there's a dump a few blocks down," 

"I thought that's where Oikawa lived?" 

He stares at me a moment before laughing his head off, "I taught you well," he manages to get out. 

"I'll set up a bed on the floor why don't you move some boxes for a place to lay," Takahiro standing up, he helps me up after. 

I move some of the boxes off to the side, well Takahiro goes through some of the boxes looking for the blankets and stuff. 

Once it's all set up we lay down even though it's just eight, "I have Netflix on my phone," Takahiro states once we're settled. 

I nod my head, we start watching a documentary about ducks. 

 

 

 

Five years later. 

 

Hanamaki's point of few. 

 

We're laying on the couch me laying pretty much on top of Issei he hasn't said anything about it some I'm assuming he's fine, or he's dead because he can't breathe but he's pretty warm so. 

Issei's playing with my hair a bit but I can tell he's about to drift off himself. 

We've been living in the apartment five years today, why do I know this because I put it on the fucking calendar. 

Life is pretty good for us, I'm working a full-time tattoo artist, Issei a therapist he's not full time but it works best for him, he also paints in his spare time but it's nothing fancy or so he says. 

Oikawa and Iwaizumi are now married and have been for the past few months, they're happy I think they were talking about starting a family soon but Iwaizumi said all he needs are the dogs, so he doesn't really care, but maybe someday. 

Issei's mom is happy, she still married to the same guy, she comes over here a lot, so her and Issei can catch up she still worries about him a lot though, I don't think she'll ever not though. 

"What you thinking about?" Issei asks quietly. 

"Nothing," 

"It's not nothing you're doing that weird thing with your nose," 

"I don't do a weird thing with my nose," I said pushing myself up so I can see his face. 

"You totally do a we--weird thing with your nose it happens when you're thinking about something hard," 

I gasp, "I would never, do a weird thing with my nose," 

"But you just did!" 

"Okay, maybe I did do something weird with my nose, but it's all your fault," I state leaning down and kissing him before he can say anything. 

We kiss for a few minutes before I pull away and go back to laying on my head on his chest. 

"How was it my fault," 

"How are you stupid," 

"Haha," He laughs dryly. 

"Go to sleep you fucker," 

"I can't I'll die in my sleep because there's a man on me," 

I push myself back up on my hands so I can see him again, "Who is this man?" I asked raising an eyebrow. 

"I don't it's this weird small--small guy with pin--pink hair and lots of piercings," 

"Gasp, how did you find another guy with pink hair and wicked piercings?" I roll onto my back dramatically, "I feel betrayed!"

"Shut it drama king and get off of me so I can sleep," Issei grumbles. 

"Now you sound like Iwaizumi," 

"I know why because he always has to deal with you and doesn't get enough sle--sleep," 

"Those are two very valid points," 

"Come on you baby," I said sitting up, I grab is hands and pull him up with me, I let him continue to lean on me as we go to our room because he doesn't have his cane. 

"You're the baby," He grumbles

"And you're salty when you don't get enough sleep," 

I push him onto the bed, and he goes under the covers pulling it up to his glasses, "Aren't you going to take this off," I ask pointing at his glasses. 

He shakes his head closing his eyes. 

"The reason why you're not taking them off?" I ask putting my hand on my hip. 

He nods 

"Why?" 

"So I can see in my dreams," 

I stare at him a moment dumbfounded, "I don't think that's how it works bud," 

"Shhhhh, let me have my dreams," He says rolling onto his side so I can't see them anymore. 

"Well, I'm going to take your glasses off because that's how you broke the other pair," 

He rolls back onto his other side to glare at me, "No, that's not true I ran into a wall," 

I roll my eyes, I take his glasses off he squints up at me, I bend down and kiss his nose, "Cute," 

"I'm not cute, I'm manly," 

"Says the guy that ran into a wall," 

"The wall was asking for it," 

"Shush go to sleep," 

 

The next morning 

Matsukawa's point of few. 

I go out to the kitchen taking a seat on our one of our five-legged chairs, Takahiro sitting down on another one of our five-legged chairs, he's holding a coffee cup with both hands our cat Bitch is sitting on his lap. 

 

He looks over at me, "Issei is that you?" He asks squinting at me. 

I roll my eyes, I feel like if I keep rolling my eyes that they're just going to roll away because of much of a doof he is. 

I still nod my head though. 

"I haven't seen you in years," 

I just ignore him and go and get some coffee instead.

"Meep," He says as he comes up behind me putting his arms around my middle. 

"Thanks for the heads up," After a while of living together, Takahiro started coming up with ways to let me know where he is and when he's going to touch me. 

I told him just to ask but he does as he wants so. 

"Did you sleep well?" he asks still hiding behind me.

"Ye--yeah, and you?" 

"Yee," 

"I stayed up late I found memes but I thought I should just clarify again that yes I am an adult that loses sleep over memes," 

I nod my head,"I'm glad you cleared that up," 

"Yeah, I thought you'd appreciate it because I can tell you were losing hope for awhile," 

"I lost hope many moons ago on you," 

"Aww babe that's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me," 

"ahumm.." I turn around in his arms I kiss his nose. 

"Love ya," He whispers. 

"You too," "I mean love you too," 

"Good job," He says kissing my cheek and running away. 

"Where are you going!?" 

"Work, I have shit to do with a shitty fuck shit of a customer," he yells back. 

"I hope you treat all your customer's like this," 

"We don't this one's just really shitty," he says coming back into the room already dressed just putting on his socks. 

"That's god--good because I think you--you'd lose a lot of business," 

He nods his head and jumps up onto the counter, "What are you doing today," 

"My mom and Suga are coming around," 

"Then?" 

"Doctors and therapy," 

"Cool cool cool, so I won't see you again until tonight," 

I nod, "Yeah---yeah," 

He jumps down from the counter again and walks over to me fixes my glasses, "I'll see you tonight then," He says kissing again before leaving. 

I nod. 

I go out to the living room and sit down. 

After everything happened between us, it's been going good I think.  
I know we're both happy so I guess that's all that matters, we both have some days where we'd rather not get out of bed, but I guess we've just grown used to it. 

Takahiro finally let me meet his father a month or two after we moved in and it went well, he's a lot like Takahiro in most ways, but he doesn't stay up late because of memes I don't think. 

He sometimes comes over here, when Takahiro has a day off, and they just talk at first Takahiro said that it was weird and awkward and he didn't know what to say to make is father understand the reason, his dad pretty much understood, but just didn't know why he didn't come out a say it because he had always been there for him whenever. 

But they worked it out. 

I still don't like my mother's husband much but he's a lot better than anyone else she's ever dated, so I'm happy for her, 

Suga doesn't come over much anymore but that's to be expected he's not working as much they have two kids now a toddler and teenager, the teenager they just adopted last year, he said that it's a lot of work but they love him. 

I think if anyone could do it they could. 

There's going to be no matter what for us things to get through and things we're stuck with, but I think we're going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you loved it at as much as I loved writing it a few months ago! 
> 
> Let me know if there's anything I didn't say in other chapters or in this one and hopefully I can clear it up for you!
> 
> I want to say I'll be posting something new soon for this fandom but I'm not sure yet, I love this fandom with all my heart and the manga is still one of my favourite things to read. 
> 
> I also really wanted to get to 10,000 words but I couldn't but I did get to 8,773 words so I'm coolish with that.
> 
> Please comment and let me know what you thought of the ending and the whole thing as a whole. 
> 
> I love you all, and I hope you're all doing well. 
> 
> Okay, that was a bit much and I'm a total asshole in real life, thanks again. 
> 
> Until sometime Den~

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, I'm the person who wrote this shit storm, I'm very sorry. Anyway, I've been meaning to finally publish one of the shit storms I write, and I finally have I know it sucks no need to tell me in the comments. The only reason I put the higher rating on this is because of the triggers, and stuff like that most of the dark stuff is just mentioned not played out. Let me know if there's any spelling mistakes and grammar mistakes, I'm sure there are seeing as my I'm dyslexic loser (I'm the only loser, not my fellow dyslexic friends.) Ta-ta 
> 
>  
> 
> (I know it seems really rushed but hopefully it will all work out.) 
> 
> FancyEnemyPanda~


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